Trans/Nonbinary Erasure in the US: Finding Hope and Community

[Yaya]

Hey everyone,

As a trans nonbinary person, I’m feeling a lot of fear around what’s happening in the U.S. right now—Trump has declared only two genders, the sites for changing gender markers on U.S. passports are down, and the X marker has been removed. Many of us, both in the digital and physical worlds, are directly impacted by these changes, and I know I’m not alone in feeling uncertain and scared.

The erasure of nonbinary identity in the U.S. is real and deeply unsettling. I’m grateful I was able to update my documents early, but even with that, I’m questioning what safety looks like for me here. My state may be relatively safe for now, but I can’t help but wonder if that will last—or if I even want to stay in a country that is actively trying to erase people like me.

In times like this, I’m turning to community. To my fellow trans and nonbinary siblings—how are you holding up? To allies, your support is more important than ever.

Even in the face of all this, I truly believe we will get through it. It’s so easy to spiral, but we are still here. We are real. We are valid. And we will not be erased. Each of you is brilliant, talented, and strong, and together, we will keep building the beautiful, supportive world we deserve. Stay safe, take care of each other, and let’s hold onto hope.

[Rosaria Delacroix]

It's a strange time, to be Canadian- to look uneasily at what is occurring south of the border. We so often experience a ripple effect of American politics: I remember an informal MAGA rally at my highschool, and conservatism is on the sharp uptick among our youth as well.

I worry for my loved ones in the states. Some of them are luckier than most- either being in positions where this doesn't have forceful repercussions on their own lives (due to being a cisgender, heterosexual man) or living in Northern states that have historically trended staunchly blue- with the ability to mask as also being cishet. But my childhood best friend lives in the south- his heart is there, he doesn't want to leave the state he grew up in- where his family is, where he has roots grown deep. And I worry, because I know that the deep south is not a good place to be openly out right now. All we can do is love one another- take care of each other.

There are good people who are fighting for the rights of people like us. I know personally, a man who is involved in advocacy and political work- and he's been putting in gruelling hours around the clock with the election and change in power, encouraging and helping people to file marriage licenses, name changes, vaccinations, wills and advance directives, passports and other official identification, and so on in advance. He has a wonderful wife and a lovely little boy, and it helps bring me a little hope, to see that there are people who actively care and are engaged in helping the community that they aren't even a part of.

All of this also has me reflecting on the importance of creation- of supporting and uplifting voices from within our community, but also the value of seeing that stories about people like us have value, worth- storytelling is a deeply humanizing art, and that feels more pertinent than ever.

[Yoylecake420]

I encourage you to find charities and groups that support transgender and nonbinary people, such as the ACLU and the Trevor Project.

Or you could move to another country or a state that is trans-friendly. Oh, and contact your local politicians.

[dotmidi]

I feel like now is a good time as ever remind and stress to everyone that our identities—transgenderism, intersexism, and queerness as a whole—are inherent to life. It is life itself. All of those seen in any walk of life, there is no denying that, like the end and the way. Life cannot exist outside of queerness. It is simply impossible to snuff us out, as queerness is human; queerness is nature. One day there will be a time where there is no fight to be had about such things

I ask all my peers and readers to reach out to any community they can. Call/text a friend. Go to a local drag show; find solace with our people. Reach out to your fellow trans brothers and sisters at school or at work; put aside petty differences and in-fighting. All of the discourse will only tear us apart and divide us, and we must come together to support each other in these times. Focus on the real head-on issues in our government and country; we have been used as the strawman for them for farrr too long. I will play my part; I hope to see you all fulfill a role in your communities, whether that's locally or virtually. 

Personally, I will be leaving the state I reside in this coming year, as I do live in the south. While I bite my tongue and bide my time, I have found comfort in reading on and watching documentaries/movies on queer history. If anyone is looking for resources on such, I would be happy to oblige, as I am working on a very large links page to all sorts of queer resources.

[Memory]

I feel like now is a good time as ever remind and stress to everyone that our identities—transgenderism, intersexism, and queerness as a whole—are inherent to life. It is life itself. All of those seen in any walk of life, there is no denying that, like the end and the way. Life cannot exist outside of queerness. It is simply impossible to snuff us out, as queerness is human; queerness is nature. One day there will be a time where there is no fight to be had about such things

I ask all my fellow peers and readers to reach out to any community they can. Call/text a friend. Go to a local drag show; find solace with our people. Reach out to your fellow trans brothers and sisters at school or at work; put aside petty differences and in-fighting. All of the discourse will only tear us apart and divide us, and we must come together to support each other in these times. Focus on the real head-on issues in our government and country; we have been used as the strawman for them for farrr too long. I will play my part; I hope to see you all fulfill a role in your communities, whether that's locally or virtually. 

Personally, I will be leaving the state I reside in this coming year, as I do reside in the south. While I bite my tongue and bide my time, I have found comfort in reading on and watching documentaries/movies on queer history. If anyone is looking for resources on such, I would be happy to oblige, as I am working on a very large links page to all sorts of queer resources.

Well said.

Yeah it's nigh impossible to truly supress something that is just a natural part of the human experience. I remember growing up in the '80s and back then you were silenced so much, especially as a kid, but despite all the bigotry, suppression, abuse, etc - I am still here at 41 years old as an NB, queer person and that isn't gonna change just because some orange hitler thinks he can force everyone to deny reality! 

[Melooon]

⚑ Moderators Note ⚑

Hello! Posts after this point have been moved to the moderation board ~ I recognise the worry and fear going on in the US right now, particularly for trans people, and I think its important to acknowledge that worry and have a thread where people can find some comfort and support.

I've decided to leave the thread title as is; I'm aware some people disagree with it, but it does seem to represent what many people are feeling; and I'd ask everyone to respect the need to express that feeling.

However, myself and other mods are not equipped to deal with deeper debates; I know that there are good support resources out there and I would encourage linking those those if you think people need access to safe spaces.

Finally, in relation to political discussions; In the entire history of this forum; Trump has only been directly mentioned 3 times (once in this sentence). That's not enforced by any rule; however it means that this might be the one space on the internet that is free from his presence. I would ask people to respect that, don't bring him here. Work to build a dream of what can be; because we as humanity can do better.

Shadows pass

[invader_gvim]

I live in a very unfriendly state to trans people. It might be why my account and my online presence are a flashing billboard screaming to everyone that "I AM TRANS"

Individually we all need strong constitution. We need to be able to stomach whatever comes our way. Maybe the government will take away our medicine. Maybe it won't. Either way we have absolutely no power to change that right now. What we can do is make sure you know how to get your medicine even if the doctor won't give it to you anymore. You can wear a dress in public even if the government makes it illegal. You can go to jail and choose not to submit.

Abusers want you to submit. They'll often treat you really well if you just submit. You could choose to start wearing suits and shave your head, but you won't do that. Its too important to you. Being a woman is a part of my soul. I would die before I gave this up. We should cling to whatever we have and do whatever we can to keep them from taking it from us.

It hasn't happened yet. Maybe it won't happen. There are people who want you to PANIC PANIC  PANIC    because it benefits them. Its important to be prepared, but not to dread or dispair. You have people who love you. If you don't have people who love you, then you have bigger problems than how society oppresses you for your gender. You exist in your own consciousness and not the group. This is agnostic as to whether you are collectivist or individualist. The point is that you don't have to start crying until something bad actually happens to you(its ok to cry I do it all the time).

Until then, focus on self improvement and preparation. Eat your vegetables. Vegetables are food, not a garnish.  A bag of spinach is incredibly good for you and has like zero calories. Do sit ups every day. Don't drink soda. Call your grandma and tell her you love her. All of these things will make you healthy and you must be healthy if you want to be ready to do any kind of activism.

When the government doesn't like the activism you do, then they will target you. Speeding tickets from cops that recognize your car. Harassment for your spouse when the police accuse them of a random crime and try to confiscate your phone. They will arrest you.

Being arrested and having bad things happen to you is way way way way way less bad than giving up.

 

[invader_gvim]

I feel like now is a good time as ever remind and stress to everyone that our identities—transgenderism, intersexism, and queerness as a whole—are inherent to life. It is life itself. All of those seen in any walk of life, there is no denying that, like the end and the way. Life cannot exist outside of queerness. It is simply impossible to snuff us out, as queerness is human; queerness is nature. One day there will be a time where there is no fight to be had about such things

I ask all my peers and readers to reach out to any community they can. Call/text a friend. Go to a local drag show; find solace with our people. Reach out to your fellow trans brothers and sisters at school or at work; put aside petty differences and in-fighting. All of the discourse will only tear us apart and divide us, and we must come together to support each other in these times. Focus on the real head-on issues in our government and country; we have been used as the strawman for them for farrr too long. I will play my part; I hope to see you all fulfill a role in your communities, whether that's locally or virtually. 

Personally, I will be leaving the state I reside in this coming year, as I do live in the south. While I bite my tongue and bide my time, I have found comfort in reading on and watching documentaries/movies on queer history. If anyone is looking for resources on such, I would be happy to oblige, as I am working on a very large links page to all sorts of queer resources.

I'm also leaving the state I live in. It will be nice when I can walk around and not get insulted, shouted at, mocked, or otherwise messed with. It doesn't happen every time, but I had never had it happen at all before I started dressing like this. I've never had so many people call me mister in my life. I've never had women be so condescending to me. I've never had men be so scared of me. I really will be just so happy once I'm in a more urban area. I hate the rural wasteland where I live.

THATS WHY I AM TAKING ACTIONS TO CHANGE WHERE I AM! I refuse to ever ever just wallow in despair. To add to my previous post in this thread, I want to request to anyone reading this from the bottom of my heart - do not wallow in misery, depression, or despair. Try to fight to make your own life better as hard as you can. You aren't hurting anyone, even if they whine about you becoming better!

[JINSBEK]

I live in a very good, protective state, which I'm very grateful for. But my security as a naturalised citizen with an already changed legal gender marker is now uncertain, and whether my transgender fiancee will even be approved her K1 fiance VISA (allows her to marry me and stay in the US long-term to apply for a permanent residency card) is up in the air, as we fear that new USCIS directorate policies will claim either her documents or mine as the petitioner are illegitimate. There is no appeal process. If this current application is rejected (or if we cancel it), then it counts against BOTH me and her. My supervisor and my other co-workers are quite worried about me and my fiancee. I am glad I work in such a supportive environment. She and I have not been sleeping well.

We've spent the past few days looking into Golden VISA options, and are now seriously making plans to emigrate and obtain permanent residency in a different country. Documents are being organised, and we've already started discussing the change of plans with our immigration attorney. It's now simply a matter of waiting for the US to either approve or reject my fiancee's K1 VISA application--if we are lucky, it will only take 8 months, instead of 16.5 months, but who knows with this new administration--, then we can get on with the rest of our lives. Normally, I would stay and persist, but if she can no longer come into the country (and if I am at risk at denaturalization and deportation for "fraud" and "sex offense"), then it's safer for us to just leave and build a new home elsewhere.

[Oceansandy02]

My parents are considering moving out of the country, but I want to also be there for my friends, who could be affected if birthright citizenship is removed. I also really want Trump to be removed from office, or at the very least have to deal with the term limit. I also consider myself somewhat lucky in that I moved from a red state to a blue state when I was little.

I am also scared about what would happen as someone who is genderfluid, especially with the federal policies. I just really want this madness to be over.

[splashy]

My parents are considering moving out of the country, but I want to also be there for my friends, who could be affected if birthright citizenship is removed. I also really want Trump to be removed from office, or at the very least have to deal with the term limit. I also consider myself somewhat lucky in that I moved from a red state to a blue state when I was little.

I am also scared about what would happen as someone who is genderfluid, especially with the federal policies. I just really want this madness to be over.

he's not an absolute dictator... he'll serve his term and be out

[invader_gvim]

I live in a very good, protective state, which I'm very grateful for. But my security as a naturalised citizen with an already changed legal gender marker is now uncertain, and whether my transgender fiancee will even be approved her K1 fiance VISA (allows her to marry me and stay in the US long-term to apply for a permanent residency card) is up in the air, as we fear that new USCIS directorate policies will claim either her documents or mine as the petitioner are illegitimate. There is no appeal process. If this current application is rejected (or if we cancel it), then it counts against BOTH me and her. My supervisor and my other co-workers are quite worried about me and my fiancee. I am glad I work in such a supportive environment. She and I have not been sleeping well.

We've spent the past few days looking into Golden VISA options, and are now seriously making plans to emigrate and obtain permanent residency in a different country. Documents are being organised, and we've already started discussing the change of plans with our immigration attorney. It's now simply a matter of waiting for the US to either approve or reject my fiancee's K1 VISA application--if we are lucky, it will only take 8 months, instead of 16.5 months, but who knows with this new administration--, then we can get on with the rest of our lives. Normally, I would stay and persist, but if she can no longer come into the country (and if I am at risk at denaturalization and deportation for "fraud" and "sex offense"), then it's safer for us to just leave and build a new home elsewhere.

America is made even less good by you and her leaving. 

I moved to the

big city

between my other post in this thread and got hired at a factory where almost all of my coworkers are from different countries and don't speak English very well. They seem just fine and I like how they don't talk to me. I like how their names are all things I haven't heard before (easy to remember). It really makes me mad because the people who have been seduced into hating immigrants have all not actually worked with immigrants.

It's not exactly nightmarish being in the presence of people speaking Nepali instead of English.

There are so many people going through stuff like that. One of my coworkers is moving back to Katmandu for similar reasons. It makes me feel angry. Some people just want to force everywhere and everyone to transition into something as backwards and hateful as their rotting coal town.

CAPITALISM IS KAREN