Hmm, you do the same thing that I do! I always write in bullet points instead of paragraphs, which is great for writing down ideas fast, but it makes it less pleasant for people to read.
For example;
bullets;Castles are tall, so many people fall to the ground; they are too tall! Make the ground squishy and this would not be an problem!
paragraph;Castles are tall, this height can be a problem because people fall out of them frequently.However if those castles had squishy ground around them, then they would cause far less deaths!
Im sure someone who's a much better writer can point out all the flaws in my examples and offer better advice; BUT for me, I find it can be helpful to bullet point first and the rewrite slowly to make sure it all flows; use more words than you think are necessary because chances are what your saying is a lot less clear to your reader than it is to you!
Also one other trick someone taught me; put your last paragraph first; so for you, I'd put the paragraph starting with "But why am I talking about this? Because its a good thing." first! Thats your hook; get people hooked first, then explain the issue to them; that'll be way more engaging to your reader; then you can remind them again at the end with your TLDR.
My only other comment is that if you make claims like "you don't even own your game anymore when you buy the disc, its just a license to download it." thats a great point and really intresting! but you need an example to cite as proof of your claim; otherwise how do I know if thats true?
Overall though you're clearly passionate about what your saying, thats the important thing and it really comes across! As SilkSkull said, keep writing!
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