Tips for being kind to people?

[Melooon]

Christmas/darkest winter is upon us and for many its a stressy time of the year; sometimes when your tired or busy it can be hard to put in that extra effort to make sure someone feels good about what your saying to them - particularly if your not feeling very kind within yourself

What are some of your tips for remembering to be kind to people (both online and offline)?

 

[TheFrugalGamer]

This is a nice subject to bring up at this time of year! I know I've been feeling the stress myself lately.

One of the things I've been practicing lately is noticing when I look at people, or listen to people, whatever, and instantly feel annoyed in some way. I make a note to myself that it probably means I'm in a bad mood, and I need to stop and reflect on why that is. I noticed it a while back when out and about, and I realized that I was getting upset with just about everyone around me, and that it was far less about them and more about how I was feeling. So whenever I have that knee-jerk asshole rear its head in my mind, and start up with things like "well this person looks like a moron..." I try and take a moment to reflect about why I'm angry instead of listening to it.

[Memory]

Honestly I think the top number one thing that I had to (and still need to) learn to remind myself of is to imagine myself in other people's situations.
Not in a simple, logical way, but in an actual, kind of silly "close my eyes and imagine vividly what I would feel" way. It helps me build empathy for what other people feel and what I would like me to act like in their shoes. Oftentimes it is difficult to understand why people act unexpectedly but that helps me build that kind of empathy.

[Cele]

Aw man I was so weird all day at parents celebrating xmas and relatives were there too. Just really talkative and bubbly all day, it's very unsual for me (quite introverted...) I hope it came of as kind to them!

[NacreousDreams]

I return from nonexistence!

One thing I would say is that politeness is not inherently kindness. In fact, manners are often a way people can be blatantly mean. People with important topics to talk about may be discouraged from doing so because it's impolite. Attempts to be polite can backfire and just waste people's time. Frankly, some people respond poorly to manners, and it's wasted on them.

With that said, it's not great to engage in rude behavior, either. But it's important to understand kindness separate from manners. In any meaningful case of politeness, you can replace manners with a more substantial justification.

• Why should we hold the door for people? Because it should make their lives easier.
• Why should we compliment people? Because it makes them happy and boosts their self-confidence.
• Why should we say "please" and "thank you"? Because we feel gratitude toward people.
• Why should we soften our harsh statements? Because we feel our companion is most able to hear what we're trying to say without unnecessary stress or anger by doing so.

[Melooon]

Spotted this video today and thought of this thread! 

The author's advice is that; when he first encounters a comment or opinion, his first reaction is always to look at it from an ego point of view - it's a fight or flight reaction. However, he then recommends making an effort to stop and deliberately move that comment into your chest and look at it again from a hearts perspective  Often you get a very different angle on whats being said and it can make an interaction a lot less stressful and hopefully help you live longer!

[grovyle]

Not so much a tip as an anecdote, really.

I once did some volunteer work in a place where there was no hot water, no heating AT ALL, we had to share a bathroom and old kitchen between 15 people etc etc. Middle of the mud dirty far from civilization type of place. And one of the other volunteers kept complaining about anything and everything, laughing at the rest of us for the silliest things, and all around being unpleasant to be around. I was at my wit's end trying to not commit homicide on her, until another volunteer said in the most compassionate, empathetic moment I've ever experienced in my life, "wow, she must be having a really bad time here". Like. The fact that I was fuming because her complaining unconvenienced me had completely taken me away from the fact that this girl was probably SUFFERING being there.
And ever since, I've tried to take a step back when someone annoys me and ask why are they like this? Is there something I can do? And I think that's made me kinder 

[JINSBEK]

Looking at the OP and seeing it's Yuletide again, I figure this is a great time to bring this topic back up!

My first recommendation to people would be to read the classic How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Yeah, it sounds like a very selfish book, but actually, it's all about being kind to people and giving things to others. My fiancee @VioletHeaven and I were just discussing this yesterday, the importance of shifting to a give mentality from a take mentality. You can look at a person and think to yourself, "What is there that I really, genuinely like about this person?" And then you just tell them about it. I compliment strangers all the time. I notice their choice in phone case, their fashion, how nicely done their hair or nails are. Men love being complimented on their kicks, you know that? Men who walk sharp, tell them that! It takes a lot of effort and practice to walk a certain way. Guarantee you that dudes get the biggest grins when you tell them this. As a former woman who is now a dude, I feel like men don't get compliments enough. If you see a guy, make his day. It'll make you feel better, too.

[VioletHeaven]

What are some of your tips for remembering to be kind to people (both online and offline)?

My first recommendation to people would be to read the classic How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Yeah, it sounds like a very selfish book, but actually, it's all about being kind to people and giving things to others. My fiancee @VioletHeaven and I were just discussing this yesterday, the importance of shifting to a give mentality from a take mentality. You can look at a person and think to yourself, "What is there that I really, genuinely like about this person?" And then you just tell them about it. I compliment strangers all the time. I notice their choice in phone case, their fashion, how nicely done their hair or nails are. Men love being complimented on their kicks, you know that? Men who walk sharp, tell them that! It takes a lot of effort and practice to walk a certain way. Guarantee you that dudes get the biggest grins when you tell them this. As a former woman who is now a dude, I don't feel like men get compliments enough. If you see a guy, make his day. It'll make you feel better, too.

Honestly, my advice is the same! As someone who did a traineeship in a trade, one of the nicest things you can do for someone is to really compliment them about how well they're doing something! Like, "I love how you used the colours here", "That's an amazing relief. How long did it take you to learn how to carve like that?". Men especially love compliments about their skill!

I'm the kind of woman who tends to prefer comments about my clothes, or my choice of accessories, you know? 

A little compliment can go a long way to making someones day, even if they don't even know you outside of the jobsite. Plus, giving compliments can make your day better, too, 'cause you're thinking about what you appreciate about someone else's effort.

[Corrupted Unicorn]

Can't quite remember where it came from apart from "Tumblr", but I read politeness is there so you can be nice to people when you don't really feel like being "genuinely" nice. Of course, that's the bare minimum of kindness... 

I am a bit less aware of my surroundings than I'd like to admit, and because of that I try to be extra observant: do I see people struggling carrying lots of things? Or a trembly old man at the bus without a seat? Just two examples of kindnesses. Sometimes, just showing up and staying until the very end is a kindness, too.

Sometimes, the biggest hurdle is offering up help itself. Our society is very oriented towards not being a nuisance to people, and sometimes it might seem we are bothering, "interfering" into a person's space even if it's with good intentions. It's always good to remember to quietly and discreetedly offer help. I'm sure the other person will appreciate it, as well - vulnerability is still something a lot of people struggle to deal with.

[candycanearter07]

This is a nice subject to bring up at this time of year! I know I've been feeling the stress myself lately.

One of the things I've been practicing lately is noticing when I look at people, or listen to people, whatever, and instantly feel annoyed in some way. I make a note to myself that it probably means I'm in a bad mood, and I need to stop and reflect on why that is.

Huh. I never thought of it before, but that would probably solve a lot of my social problems. Thanks so much for the tip :D

Spotted this video today and thought of this thread! 

The author's advice is that; when he first encounters a comment or opinion, his first reaction is always to look at it from an ego point of view - it's a fight or flight reaction. However, he then recommends making an effort to stop and deliberately move that comment into your chest and look at it again from a hearts perspective  Often you get a very different angle on whats being said and it can make an interaction a lot less stressful and hopefully help you live longer!

Yeah, I definitely feel that flight-or-fight. Hopefully this works for me..

[Rosaria Delacroix]

This is a very sweet topic, and especially timely, with how difficult this corridor of the end of the year can be for people. Plenty struggle with the gloomy weather, the stress of the holidays- and the isolation that winter so readily brings, when everyone is bundled up comfy and cozy at home, reluctant to brave the elements beyond what's direly needed. The solstice is behind us, though- which means longer days are only rolling on down, for those also in the north. 

Something that I like to do for my loved ones during this time is to write letters. It's so easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life, and especially during periods of low or intermittent contact because life has gotten in the way, sometimes- it's nice to have a tangible reminder of how the people in your life view you, and care for you. Sometimes doubts creep in when silence settles between two people, and it can be difficult to broach the muddy waters of communication: interpretation is such a tricky art. It helps to put it out there, plainly, in my own hand: I love you, I'm glad that we exist at the same time, it's an honour and a pleasure to be your friend, to have been loved by, and love you, for so many years- and hopefully many more to come!

Something I've been told by other people is that they already felt as if they knew, even loved, the people in my life, because they heard about them so often from me- framed with such warmth. That they loved getting to know them secondhand, to see them through the eyes of someone who loved them: and it was a powerfully humanizing force- that by stories alone, they could tell that we had a deep, abiding love for one another. That still remains one of the best things I've ever been told, honestly. But I think it's equally important to tell the people in your life that you love, that you love them.

Life can be so temperamental, so fickle- and as 2024 showed me, so incredibly fragile. I find a lot of comfort in knowing that my loved ones know exactly how much I cherish them, through quiet conversations late at night ushering them to sleep, random texts at lunch with a reminder to eat, or in letters that I know they hold dear: my childhood best friend saves them all, and I hope they bring him comfort in hard times- as winter can be so cruel.