and i don't mean hatred of the song's musicality, i mean emotional hatred.
for me, it's
No Children by the Mountain Goats.
my reasoning? this was my ex's favorite song, and/or a song he legitimately identified with, and it infuriated me, because he took it quite literally. i loved him more than anything in the world, and he hated himself, and he hated me, and even though he might've cared about me at one point, he left. he left without saying a word. no, it was worse than that. he asked me how i was, i replied, i told him, i did what he asked, and then...nothing. and there's this line, in that song, that goes, "And I hope when you think of me years down the line / You can't find one good thing to say." i hate this song, this song
crushes me, because it's a reminder of him, and i can
still find good things to say. some part of me
still loves him, and
always will, and despite that,
he gave up on
me. and yet....i remember, one time he was over at my house. as always. i never went to his apartment. we were in my room. he saw a few books he used to read, as a kid, on my bookshelf. and suddenly, his eyes widened. he looked at me, excited. he was grinning like a...kid, like he'd been transported back to that time, he was actually happy, it was one of the only times i ever saw him smile at all. that's a very good thing.
i hate that fucking song because it will always remind me of a really messed-up & really beautiful person.
it will always remind me he's gone, and i will never see him again.