Socializing and Failing to the Point of Wiping Footprints..

[Julikins]

Not sure how much if any of my banter here resonates with anyone, but I'm just kind of fed up of what I feel like is just karma telling me to give up. I knew I didn't socialize as often as my peers in school and I admit most of it is due to being focused on school work. Although I do sometimes think it's something else... I did get into school clubs during high school - which was only about 2 or 3. I kept to myself a lot and honestly it was okay. But now as an adult, it's blooming lonely as all heck.

Most interactions I had to this point were from when I used DeviantArt but I didn't continue after the issue of an unwanted comment and people throwing a fit with me over the removal. I didn't handle the situation as well as I should've but at the same time, I knew the other end was not going to listen to reason because they were convenienced I was a jerk (at least I think). Can't say for sure if this is just the start of where I became more anxious and/or paranoid about how I reacted and said things online, but I knew I wasn't well liked by everyone and I was going to attract drama to the point of leaving.

Even now, there are some days where I feel like I'm just a small footnote in a chat room; another pathetic person trying to get in somewhere; loner that felt like they were never going to get anywhere because of the lack of connection. It doesn't help that I'm bad at socializing and I admit that, but I end up hitting real low points to just doing away with every bit of my digital footprints and not bother being online at all.

If this is not appropriate for here, I do apologize for that. It does seem to be a mood breaker. I have been so used to lack of interactions from others it doesn't bother me - until it passes the moderation check and it's excessive...

[candycanearter07]

Hi,

I also don't know if this is appropriate for here, but I just wanted to say that I absolutely understand how you feel. I've practically gone through a revolving door of finding and being kicked out of communities for being annoying/pushing too much to be included and stuff over the last 5 years on discord (and a bit off discord- and one person who i keep running into over the last 8 months that triggers my anxiety and absolutey annihilates my emotional state and i really wish i would either not have to see anymore or they would forgive me or unblock me and stuff because i barely know what i did to be blocked the second time and god bench im sorry) but yea Melonland seems a lot nicer of a community and I actually wasn't kicked out this time for maybe not getting the social stuff (thx melon) and maybe its just because its a forum so its harder to be as annoying/pushy compared to a discord server but yea I completely understand what you're saying and I really wish I could help you more with not needing to feel like you have to be outstanding or youre just another face that nobody noticed leaving because you didn't make a single positive impact to the group and also sorry for rambling a lot and stuff

[Corrupted Unicorn]

It's tough.

Sometimes I say the Internet is where all the loners and marginalized people congregate.

I've also struggled to fit in, both in real life groups and Internet ones. There's many reasons for that: not quite adjusting to the group's beliefs, not being overtly social, struggling to understand implied/hidden rules, and of course, simply just not being "in tune" with the group's people.

It's kinda fun being an online wanderer, tho. Just passing by. Nothing that ties you down.

But we're social animals, so it's normal we crave true connection, as well.

If there's something you can take from me on this exchange, is this:

Don't give up.

It took me more than 25 years to finally find not one, but TWO groups where I truly feel at home. And 20 to find a soul I can truly be myself around him.

You will have to learn things. How to maneuver social situations. Be active, and present. You might stumble upon communities, but if you want to truly be part of them, you'll have to participate, regularly. Silence kills relationships. But remember, you can also rekindle them. That's the part I am learning nowadays. Everything worth doing takes a while to learn, but you won't be bad at it forever.

Finding a group you truly belong in, or a person who truly understands you... that's one of the rarest and most special of life's treasures. And I know about rarity, I'm an unicorn after all  So treasure them when (when, not if) you find them, ok?