is anyone else plural?

[CrabbyJade]

hi there! another system coming out of the woodwork to say hello!

we came up with our username waaaaay before we found out we were plural, so we largely just pretend to be our host, jade, in online spaces unless it's in a discord server with trusted people. we only figured out our plurality like, last summer? we only told my therapist recently because we felt distressed over recent system stuff that is not going on the open web! anyways, when we first found out about it, it felt so freeing. what do you mean that i don't have to worry about keeping the same, consistent persona and be as weird, complex, and contradictory as we want because it's not one person's mind? and while i am unsure of exactly how traumagenic our system is, i and many other headmates have held onto traumatic experiences and events. not going into detail here either, because sharing that would be unwise and also be a total downer.

most of our alters are fictives, and we kinda get embarrassed over it because it feels like we would be called a "faker" just for having a majority fictive system? idk, all i know is that years of people lolcowing autistic and plural people for being weird has left me scared over people's reactions. most of the people i know irl were chill, and so are the people i'm dating, so ultimately i guess i am still privileged in that regard...

i guess i should also share a new thing to not rehash too much of the previous conversation. we have a little (an alter who is mentally underage/a child/adapt this to however ageing works in your system) who we keep away from the open internet as to not expose it to mean individuals and other internet threats (discord with trusted individuals is allowed) and i was wondering how other systems with littles solve the internet safety issue? am i weird for caring about this? either way, no wrong way to answer.

signed, axl from the radiowaste system

[Noah_S]

I've alluded to it a few times, but right now I'm mad about the pressure to hide. OSDD-1b constellation here. One of us vetoed applying the word "system" to us. Permanently staying away from dedicated spaces because they're a toxic mess. I've tried, and there was so much encouraging of internal hatred. I don't think individualistic "I do what I want and screw everyone else" culture and headmates is a good combination. And we have some uncommon combinations of characteristics that aren't wanted in those spaces. And reject a lot of what we see as outdated harmful terminology that's commonly accepted (labeling someone a persecutor [of the rest of the group] for having been abused and trying to keep from being abused again during flashbacks? Seriously? How about trying some kindness instead?). If there's someone reading this who isn't familiar with this stuff, that's not a joke. That's what those dedicated spaces encourage doing. That is a very literal example. For anyone who speaks something else in addition to English, it's not unlikely that the wikipedia page in that language is even worse.

we have a little (an alter who is mentally underage/a child/adapt this to however ageing works in your system) who we keep away from the open internet as to not expose it to mean individuals and other internet threats (discord with trusted individuals is allowed) and i was wondering how other systems with littles solve the internet safety issue? am i weird for caring about this? either way, no wrong way to answer.

No, you're not weird for it. I think that's a responsible way of handling it. Another thing I've noticed in those dedicated spaces is pressure to not do what you describe here. If it works for you all, then it works. And I think it's bonkers to go against something that works and isn't harming anyone.

[babylonlurker]

Persecutor? For trying to keep the others safe during flashbacks?
How about "protector"?

Yes, I am not in that situation, but it's clear to me that "protector" is an appropriate description.

[CrabbyJade]

And reject a lot of what we see as outdated harmful terminology that's commonly accepted (labeling someone a persecutor [of the rest of the group] for having been abused and trying to keep from being abused again during flashbacks? Seriously? How about trying some kindness instead?). If there's someone reading this who isn't familiar with this stuff, that's not a joke. That's what those dedicated spaces encourage doing. That is a very literal example. For anyone who speaks something else in addition to English, it's not unlikely that the wikipedia page in that language is even worse.

hi, bass here. as an alter who who once berated other headmates and generally would be considered a "redeemed" persecutor, wtf?? the hate/fear of persecutors, while kinda understandable in some cases (i was literally spouting the same insecure bullshit that others have said to us, so i guess i splintered off originally to hold all that self hate and anger towards others) isn't conductive to healing. if the headmate is being as much of a jackass as i was, i think it's better to try and find the reason they are hurting others, and try to heal that internal wound. find what the headmate likes, try to encourage healthier relationships with the world and others.

the reason i was so destructive wasn't because i was trying to stop the abuse that was happening, it was my methods. i was playing devils advocate, provoking our host in really mean-spirited ways, preying on our insecurities to try to make change. which didn't work! all it did was make everyone feel bad.

so i guess the incorrect labeling of persecutors in that case is pissing me off. i suppose staying away from "plural" spaces and instead only meeting other systems naturally was a good move. they'd probably hate me for not giving a shit about what "role" i have in the system and just living my life. i really hope these people aren't demonizing their persecutors to the point of the persecutor in question never being able to find a life outside of being hurtful.

anyways TLDR; those people in that dedicated space have lost the plot and are spouting harmful nonsense under the visage of healing. you were right to leave.

No, you're not weird for it. I think that's a responsible way of handling it. Another thing I've noticed in those dedicated spaces is pressure to not do what you describe here. If it works for you all, then it works. And I think it's bonkers to go against something that works and isn't harming anyone.

and thank you for reaffirming what we thought was the right choice, our little would be so easy to pick on (hell, it's already being harassed by my older sister, who bullies people as her supposed "love language") so adding online stress on top of the teasing from our family would probably hurt us way more, causing splits and whatnot. we've chosen to keep a few alters secret from our family because some of them have proven themselves untrustworthy. like just because that individual doesn't push back against bullies, doesn't make it alright to bully them. i know as a recovering asshole myself.

[CrabbyJade]

Persecutor? For trying to keep the others safe during flashbacks?
How about "protector"?

Yes, I am not in that situation, but it's clear to me that "protector" is an appropriate description.

yeah that's literally the meaning of protector!! what is that server's problem???