If You Were A Restaurant...

[dotmidi]

If you/your website were a restaurant, how many stars would you be? What would be your signature dish? What customers would you bring in? Give it a name!
I'll Start!   

Dotmidi's Bar and Grille ☆☆ (Two Stars)
I don't think if I were a restaurant that I would be much of a reason to drive all the way to visit, but I could see people detouring and their travels for a quick rest stop at my restaurant. There would be a few pinballs and a few flat screen TVs, you could order a plethora of alcohol or regular fountain drinks. We would even have floats which are my favorite.. nothing beats a good root beer float with a Cheeseburger and French Fries   
The food prep is pretty good and most of the ingredients and such are better than what you would have at home! The lighting is a bit dim but in a cozy way and there would be some ambiance with the music as I would prefer a better sound system so it doesnt sound like total rubbish

The signature dish would probably be a messy plate of fries with cheese, bacon, and ranch. I'm a very sloppy guy and I love unhealthy food sorry, there would probably be more toppings/replacements you could add like steak or jalepenos and the like.

I feel like my customers would be most ordinary folk, but it would also attract a lot of bikers I think. I unironically love to eat at places like hooters and that's kinda the vibe I'm going for but less into women and more into food and nerd stuff. Hence why I would want a few pinballs but I still think my restaurant would hit the demographic for bikers, and tourists who are just looking for a place to eat

[LIA]

Mari's Cat Cafe ☆☆☆☆(four stars)
I would be a Cafe that serves delicious espressos, coffee Hot chocolate, and delicious Mexican pastries like pan dulce conchas  , along with only black cats you can hang out with (I'm a bit biased bc I just love black cats)Nice jazz and cloud rnb would play, pet magazines and cat houses with scratchers and cat toys along with collars and toys and food you can buy for your own feline friend! The color pallet would be a nice beige creme with some plaid here and there and maybe some cat grass. Bright but not blinding lights that dim in the evening.

The signature dish would be birra noodles and pozole! yum!! calming soul food soup, and you could order hot water cornbread for a side, mac n cheese too. If you don't like birra/pozole, there are boiled okra, collard greens and chicken. Maybe some spring rolls??

My customers would be nice seniors citizens who just need a bit of company. Families with kids who love animals, and love birds of the like, and some people who just love international/ different types of foods.

[bugholder's epiphany]

A Solitary Bar ☆ (One Star)

Nothing major, a neat and quaint wooden roadside bar with strange delights and foods. Walls decorned with weird decorations from all around the world, a mishmash of themes that somehow works well together.

Probably a signature thing would be a very spicy kind've ramen noodles, made with cayenne pepper and buffalo sauce. Best served with milk.

Dunno what customer's it'd bring it but i'd hope it would bring in anyone who likes weird things!

[Melooon]

Good Pasta House 

I would only make one pasta dish and it would be very good; all pasta dishes would come with a glass of red wine which would be very bad! No two bowls, glasses, or forks would match - and the stereo constantly playing The Mysterious Cities of Gold soundtrack.

There would be no actual floor staff, but there would be a large marble cube with a small brass door in it - you would put one coin in a coin slot and a cook would issue you with your pasta bowl and drink from behind the door.

When you leave you will receive a small business card with a picture of a unique cloud on it and a picture of your bowl of pasta on the back with the date as a keepsake 

[Commodorn]

Huh, interesting!

Let's see, if I were a restaurant..

It'd likely be a little mysterious and maybe even slightly threatening from the outside. Ivy and a few other plants partially obscuring the red brick wall of some part of a building in a big city.. concrete steps leading to a single, near-black door with an old-fashioned brass knob and a small stained-glass window within it's top half.

Upon entering, it'd look pretty similar. The smoke from burning incense can be seen against walls and ceilings of a near-black brown and slithering between a few large potted plants that are mostly masses of green leaves. As you walk upon the unusually shiny black tile, your shoes click. Quite a few odd objects are hung up on walls and placed on shelves, but what stands out the most are paintings of desert-like, alien planets along with silvery-grey electronic appliances that both clash and sit in harmony with the rest of the environment.

The menu is mostly vegetarian Indian cuisine. You order the signature dish and get soupy aloo gobi served in a somewhat unusual, black, shiny bowl. You can also get sake in a small, clear or red crystal glass upon request to go along with it. The waiter is very calm and dressed in modest but somewhat exotic clothing, but you caught a few glimpses of an unexpectedly goofy sense of humor while communicating with him.

Leaving the table and making your way to the bathrooms, you notice that the door is unusually space-age in silvery color and design; similar to the appliances you had noticed earlier. It's almost.. as if this is all a simulation built within the room of a star ship..

Restaurant name: Unknown.

The only public review, (2 stars):

"It's cool, but I kind of feel like someone's going to murder me in there if I go again. The waiter hasn't really done anything too weird, but he gives me the creeps! The entire atmosphere, too.. what IS this?"

Outsiders may find it weird and unnerving, but the restaurant thoroughly appreciates it's regulars.

[kurohaato]

Rainbow Snack Shack ☆☆☆ (3 stars, points have been deducted since the owner solely employs the local crab population and apparently that's not allowed under the local health codes. )

If my site was a restaurant, it would be an internet café disguised as one of those boardwalk snack places! We'd serve deep fried snacks, cold sweet treats, and ample napkins to keep the grease and sugar off of the keyboards. I'd have the outside decorated like a surf shack with the inside having a ton of computers, some tables to chat and play board games, and a hot pink checkout/pickup counter. Fan favorite foods would include the corn dogs, snow cones, and cheese curds, though I'd also serve fries, onion rings, ice pops, soft serve ice-cream, and some lemonade, sodas, and water for drinks.

I'd imagine that most of the customers would be locals, with a good mix of it being people who are nostalgic for internet cafes, local coding and gaming groups, and highschoolers/young adults that just like ~The Vibes~™.

[Badgersaurus]

If I was a restaurant, I think I would be a hole-in-the-wall New York-style pizza joint, where pizza is sold by-the-slice. There's only a few types of pizza available; plain cheese, margarita, mushroom and maybe some kind of meat pizza. I don't actually like meat pizza very much but I feel that it should be an option.

There's nowhere to sit down in the restaurant, but on sunny days there's one or two tables outside you can grab. Most people just take their pizza with them while they walk to where they need to go. You're only given a paper plate for cutlery, or a plain cardboard box if you bought a whole pizza.
The walls inside the pizza store are decorated with a few movie posters and rock-star photos, and maybe a cruddy photograph of a local landmark. It's in a brick building, in a hip walking district, and it's advertised only by an oddly-phrased stand-up sign outside.

Man now I want pizza. 

[SilkSkull]

Silk's Mysterious Food (?)

I would be a small restaurant with weird decor, old 7/11 signs, closed and open signs on the walls, the subway bread painting (I hope people know it). We wouldn't have a set in stone many, rather you say something you like and we approximate it or make it better with whatever ingredients we happen to have. It would be luck a convenience store that serves whatever you feel like (Of course in canada stoners are our main customers)

[dotmidi]

we approximate it or make it better with whatever ingredients we happen to have. It would be luck a convenience store that serves whatever you feel like (Of course in canada stoners are our main customers)

xDD Kinda like a waffle house! im into it 

[debleb]

i’d be

De Bleb’s Fish & Chips ☆ ☆ ☆

i would be a chipper down in a side street of some small-medium sized town that you can hardly even tell is still in business from the outside, and is kind of run down on the inside, but they make the best taco-cheese chips and burgers. i’d be run by like, three employees and a high schooler doing work experience. i’d be really popular with locals but unheard of by anyone else. 

[wygolvillage]

Noa's Crypt
☆☆
A small sit-in sandwich restaurant where all the decor is reused Halloween decorations and everything is designed to be very "camp spooky" and resemble a dungeon. Called "tacky" by some and "charming" by many. We also serve alcohol and have a bar section.

[Memory]

The Dr3amland Speakeasy
☆☆☆☆

Though calling it a restaurant is a complete stretch unless you have the eating/drinking habits of Patsy Stone, it commands its stars mainly for the quality of its imaginative cocktails. There's a substantial rotating seasonal menu along with a couple Drinks of the Week just to keep things interesting.

But even if you exhaust those options, there are reasons to keep returning. The speakeasy's decor and general vibe is definitely one of those things. Cobbled together from 60s-90s science fiction nostalgia with a hefty sprinkling of 80s-90s anime and video games with an art deco + nouveau finish and you've got yourself one unique destination indeed.

Selection for nosh is slim but always quality, and rotates along with the seasonal drinks to make sure you can build a perfect pair. You can find a fair share of Indian and Japanese small plates, but all world cuisines have their place here. The owner recommends the patatas bravas and the gulab jamun in particular.

The catch is actually finding the dang place and getting the password to the door. Good luck on that one.

[spiders]

okay so I'll do this based on my website
The restaurant would be called SPIDERS. it would have no spider imagery BUT we have about four chairs with drawings of centipedes, and free newspaper for you to read or tear apart in order to make a collage over the course of the next three hours. at the fourth hour, we give you more newspaper. Courtesy of the house.
I'd say it's a solid 3 or 4 stars, because I know a restaurant named SPIDERS is not going to do so well, and no one is going to get me to change my verdict on the name. The signature dish is uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. meatpie? I've had enough of restaurants saying the best thing they have is their spaghetti and steak, our best ones are meatpie, cheese and ham empanadas, and pizza. Bring your own spaghetti to the kitchen if you want that.
The costumers are a bit trickier.. The manager wants middle aged folks, *i* want to market to the 22yr olds at the art school three streets down, and it is WORKING. It's the newspaper collages and the centipede chairs, for sure.
..i absolutely forgot where i was going with this, but I think I've covered all the points. i kind of want a little restaurant page inside the website now   

[Icey!]

Reversaurant, the meals of lost souls (☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆)

If I where a restaurant, you are the product. We eat you... I mean, it makes sense right? if you where to turn a person into a restaurant it would be kinda backwards.

As you aren't going to be seeing the sun again we will give out all meals for free! Toppings are free, desert is free, side dishes are free, and the main thing you are ordering is 100% free which are made by full time professional chefs! Just pay with your rights and enjoy the meal of your life! LITERALLY! When you are done, it would be our turn to choose your fate.

[levya]

Linwood Cafe (☆☆☆☆)

A small, easy to miss cafe tucked in some random strip mall. It doesn't get a lot of patronage, but the regulars describe the place as a hidden gem. The menu offers all kinds of breakfast and lunch options, including bagels, muffins, pancakes, french toast, sandwiches, burgers, coffee, tea, and soda. The specialties would be the apple cinnamon oatmeal cookies and the apple cinnamon crumb cake, because I love apples and sweets hehe.

The atmosphere is cozy, with large windows in the front that let in a lot of natural light, and plants scattered throughout. There is also a friendly resident cat even though this is not a cat cafe.

Overall a great place to meet up with friends or get some work done on a laptop.