Hard decisions?

[Melooon]

Sometimes in life, you have to make hard decisions! It doesn't really matter why they are hard; they could be very simple things or very life-changing things or maybe you don't know what they are at the time - but they always come up.

How do you handle hard decisions, how do you work through them and how long does it take you to decide?

[Memory]

I wait until the very last moment to make a split second decision because I trust my body/mind to intuitively know what I really want to do and it hasn't failed me yet, so.

I tend to view the world under the lens of "There'll always be an answer" anyway, so I tend not to stress too much even when facing difficult decisions. Knowing that there will be an outcome regardless of my choice is comforting, and even if I don't enjoy the outcome, it'll still be there.

[SilkSkull]

I hate decisions overall, if it's a decision I can't flip a coin on I'll typically spend a day or two thinking it over to make sure I don't make the decision in the wrong state of mind and if it is still hard I'll generally make a pros and cons list and choose whatever would be better overall. 






(however for my food choices I simply go crazy before ordering the same thing I always do)

[shevek]

It kind of depends on a lot of different factors what method I use, and I seem to be drawn to one or two each time for reasons hard to generalize; after all, there is a difference between hard decisions you make in relationships and in your career, to name a just two.

Sometimes, it helps me to flip a coin about a hard decision that has two choices and I am unsure what to pick. But I don't actually let the coin decide for me; the trick is that usually, before the coin finally falls, I suddenly hope for a specific outcome. This is great for getting me to realize or admit what I subconsciously actually prefer. Sometimes this fails when I don't hope for any outcome, of course.

Other than that, I love to make lists. Pros and cons in Excel, or lists of specific wishes and needs that I need to be fulfilled, expectations and all that. Journaling out everything I love or hate in a big rant, maybe in an unsent letter to a person (if it is about a person).

For anything more complex, it can help to make a mindmap or timeline of the different decisions and their outcomes for me. This can help managing anxiety around hard decisions sometimes, at least when we hype them up in our mind while thinking fatalistically and pessimistically about it when we wouldn't need to be. You write down all decisions, then an arrow to the right, followed by what would be the next logical, fairly unemotional step/situation, and repeat the process until you cannot realistically say what will happen next. You do that with each of them. This usually helps visualizing that you will be okay regardless and that you already have the skills and foresight in place to deal with it no matter what. Admittedly, you have to hold yourself accountable and not let your fear color the expected outcomes too much.

Finally, I might hit someone up and ask if I can vent to them about something and if they have time to listen. If yes, I will hold a bit of a monologue about it; and I usually don't need their insight, it is more like this person is my rubberducky. Speaking about it out loud, justifying things to an outsider and considering different perspectives through this dialogue-that-isn't-really-one is very helpful to me. This can tie in with asking yourself what you would suggest to a friend who is in a similar position as you.

And whatever I do, I should usually sleep a night over it. Otherwise I make impulsive decisions that I regret.

[wygolvillage]

More for minor-but-difficult decisions, but my girlfriend has this thing where she makes it a coin flip. If you end up disappointed in the result of the coin flip it means you already subconsciously made your decision and the coin flip just exposes what you actually want more...

[Bart of the Clown Lands]

If the consequences of this decision will have a huge impact on my life i would use third party advisors mostly

Spoiler

[close]

Otherwise i just say to myself "screw it" and impulsively go with the first idea that pops up in my head.

[grovyle]

For the ones I've had to make recently, first I try to pinpoint what I want. If this was a perfect world and everything turned out the way I wanted it to, what would that look like? Then I look for the mos feasible/plausible/likely scenario in real life.
An example would be: I want to do this, and I don't want anyone to get mad about it (abusive-ish situation going on -won't elaborate but I think it helps understand). Most likely situation: I want to do this, and some people will get at least a little bit mad.
Then just ask myself: are the consequences of this action worth taking this path? (in the example: am I willing to bear with people being mad at me/losing some relationships about it?)
If the answer is yes, there you go!
If the answer is no, then tweak your decision accordingly. Maybe you'll do the thing you want to do, but at another time/place or with someone different than your first choice, or for more/less time than wanted, for less pay, etc. Details depend on the decision.
I'd say following these steps turned out pretty well for me 

[Gans]

Well, for me, the need for a big decision announces itself, usually a night with bad dreams included, but I give it time to ripe, like one month or so. In that time, the pendulum will swing one way or the other, but I give my mind time to develop a proper solution. The good ideas really appear on the table after several weeks, so I accept that good decisions take a lot of time.

Oh yes, other people are very helpful as well. It's helpful to chat and have someone else share their experiences on a decision.

[Memory]

I can say that I have never been confronted with a hard decision that did not end up being a choice between "option I would instantly choose if it was possible" and "option that is less cool but realistic to succeed".

Should I drop out of college or take the chance and intensify my struggles? Answer: drop out even though I'll regret it, because I know myself good enough to know that I won't succeed anyway and then I've wasted even more time and money.

Should I detransition or keep on struggling? Answer was: detransition and arrange myself with an identity outside of gender, because I cannot ever pass as anything anyway.

Often enough, these "bad" decisions actually end up having silver lining, and the alternatives would maybe have been worse.

[shevek]

Should I drop out of college or take the chance and intensify my struggles? Answer: drop out even though I'll regret it, because I know myself good enough to know that I won't succeed anyway and then I've wasted even more time and money.

Should I detransition or keep on struggling? Answer was: detransition and arrange myself with an identity outside of gender, because I cannot ever pass as anything anyway

These are very interesting examples for your decisions and decision making. Would you say that the choices you're going with in regards to hard decisions often tend to assume the worst possible outcome to be true, or assuming a lack of success on your part; or did those two just happen to be like that?

[Memory]

These are very interesting examples for your decisions and decision making. Would you say that the choices you're going with in regards to hard decisions often tend to assume the worst possible outcome to be true, or assuming a lack of success on your part; or did those two just happen to be like that?

These just happen to be like it. I just wanted to avoid the sunk cost fallacy there, and investing energy and resources in a failed cause just because I'd like it to work out.

[CaffeinatedElf]

For tough decisions, ill either make a wrong decision, it's better to make a decision than none at all in most cases. If a decision was good, its good. If I made a bad decision, then ill figure it out and move on and work upon the bad choice. If no decision was made or it took too long to make a choice, then I can't to the good choice or work upon my wrong the mistake I've made.

[Memory]

Whenever I got to the point of having to make a such decision... I could be quite chaotic when it comes to such things and can make a rash decision without thinking, so I often reached to people I trust most. They calmed me down and help me list the pros and cons of each choice. Then choose the least worst one.

Nowadays I try to stop myself from hasty decisions and think a lot before doing something. Write things down, imagine what could happen in each scenario, look up on the internet if someone had the same problem - what they did and what happened later etc.