What was your first source of gender envy?

[BananaBoots]

I'm curious, what was your first ever source of gender envy, whether or not you realised it at the time?

Mine was Douglas Hodge as Willy Wonka in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: The Musical. I was a kid when I saw it and I remember being hit with such a huge wave of "I want to be him". Fast-forward however many years and I don't necessarily want to look like him but the sentiment is definitely still there. I would absolutely love to steal his vibes, thank you very much.

EDIT: A definition of the term gender envy for anyone unfamiliar: It's when you're envious of someone else whether that's because of their appearance, voice, mannerisms, or something else entirely but in a way that's specifically relating to gender identity or presentation.

[tarraxahum]

Siiigh

Listen, my answer will sound like I'm ten or twenty years older than I am, 'cause I think it was more common for that generation.

But Ellen DeGeneres.

Whose show does not run where I live so it was, like, a discovery. Through Tumblr gifs no less, I believe.

'Cause, well. Before that I had never ever ever seen someone of my AGAB be, uh. Any more masculine than an average Hollywood celebrity on a red carpet in the early 10s. Aka the cute pixie cut and a feminine suit tailored to an inch of its life plus a full face of glamorous make up AT BEST. Usually a dress and long hair tho. You get it.

And then I was presented with this woman who constantly wore a suit and had a very short hair and yes some make up but not a lot and. Still wore a suit at red carpets and stuff. And not a feminine suit on heels. A loose suit and shoes or converse. Suspenders sometimes. Wow, I can do that? Big if true.

...So maybe my first conscious gender expression was cutting my hair and trying to wear suits everywhere because of a 55+ (at the time) years old talk show host with (as it turns out?) shady work ethics. Like twenty years late to the party after it was a thing to 'realize things about yourself' because of her coming out in the 90s.

(Oh yeah, and she also has a wife, that was another thing that made me envious for SOME reason. Wonder why!)

I'm not entirely sure if that falls under the gender envy definition as we use it fandom-ly, but that's what comes to mind.

I honestly dunno if I had anyone before and just misremember 'cause I didn't have a frame of reference to understand the feeling. Does Balto (the cartoon) count...? :D

[Bede]

I certainly did not know what I was feeling at the time, but mine was Kisshu from Tokyo Mew Mew. It was the first time that I had seen a male character wearing anything other than what was considered a Good Christian-Approved Outfit, with him wearing a crop top that showed his belly, plus pants so flowy that they almost resembled a skirt. On top of that, he was able to fly, and the poses he would strike while in the air were often more "feminine". And all of THAT in combination made me Feel Things.



First gif is from the original anime that I grew up watching. Second is from the very recent reboot that made me realize, yes, I WOULD still like his gender, thank you.

[YoungsterJ4y]

ash ketchum as a very small child. I wanted to be him SO bad..

[weezerismyfriend]

Hear me out 

the animated kratt brothers

[skull-aton]

....

Brendon Urie.

It's funny because I'm not SUPER masc presenting. But it's that weird middle ground of "I wish I could look like him" and "gosh he's so handsome"

like, him in heels? Absolute vibe.

[Memory]

Gerard Way... Specifically from the Black Parade era! Though any era of Gerard Way seems to do it for me, this was just the strongest.

[juniper-fairy12]

It has to be David Bowie. I still don't know if I want him or I want to BE him lol

[SilkSkull]

Personally it had to have either been Sailor Moon or Aeris from FF7, they were just so pretty and the feminine magical healer sort of trope really appealed to me. (also shoutout to FF7 for putting cloud in a dress and showing me the wonders of cute boys wearing dresses)

I certainly did not know what I was feeling at the time, but mine was Kisshu from Tokyo Mew Mew. It was the first time that I had seen a male character wearing anything other than what was considered a Good Christian-Approved Outfit, with him wearing a crop top that showed his belly, plus pants so flowy that they almost resembled a skirt. On top of that, he was able to fly, and the poses he would strike while in the air were often more "feminine". And all of THAT in combination made me Feel Things.



First gif is from the original anime that I grew up watching. Second is from the very recent reboot that made me realize, yes, I WOULD still like his gender, thank you.

I've never seen this anime but I love the character and I so want to be that

[zanarkand]

this is such a good topic. mine was definitely sheik from legend of zelda. i didn't even have the game but i would go over to my friend's house and play it on her brother's gamecube while she was at swim practice and i did NOT know what feelings i was having towards this character but they were STRONG. i remember seeing an action figure of sheik at the toy store and i wanted to ask for it from my mom sooo bad but i had this feeling like she was going to just KNOW about my weird feelings that i didn't even understand ahaha. i was definitely drawn to the androgyny and mysteriousness of the character and it's pretty obvious why!

[PurpleHello98]

I'm not 100% sure but I think it was this girl who was in my class in elementary and middle school. When I was in 5th grade I was convinced that I had a crush on her but looking back I kind of think it was just gender envy, because she was the #1 girly girl of the class, and now I'm a total girly girl, and I've always been pretty girly, and also I'm 100% straight now so it doesn't make sense for me to have actually had a crush on a girl, and when I actually think about proper crushes I've had it's only been on guys.

[mousiecat]

Love everyone's answers!

For me it's always been the bad boys with a heart of gold, especially Shawn from Boy Meets World and Jess from Gilmore Girls. They represented my inner angst so well! Definitely had some "dobedobedo" confusion with virtually every boy I had a crush on.

Shawn (left) and Jess (right)
   

[2010]

i dont know why but it's mettaton from undertale(i got into UT when i was 11!), i dont think i realized until recently this year that's  what it is O_O i dont even know why either
mettaton is gender.... i dont make the rules

[Thorn]

My first gender envy was from three different anime characters within a month of each other: Haruhi Fujioka from Ouran High School Host Club, Ranma from Ranma 1/2, and Envy from Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood. I saw all three of those characters, immediately said "oh it me and I wish I could also actually be that", and then ignored my enby gender crisis for 4 more years.


Edit: image sizing issues

[night-at-the-musian]

Shadow the Hedgehog. He just had that "it" factor for me as a young'n. I think it was the emotional realness in the Japanese dub of Sonic X, and his rivalry level in Generations.