being a disabled webmaster

[Bede]

I have always seen the web as an accessibility tool for me, because I am, as the kids say, "chronically online", but not by choice. My disabilities have left me socially isolated from all of my peers. And the ones that I didn't drive away with my inability to communicate or function, I drove away by being one of a small handful of queer kids in my small, religious town in the South. Both factors led to years of harassment, etc. I won't get into it.

But because I live surrounded by people who hate me, the web has been one of the only ways I've been able to make friends. The internet has less (or at least, different) social rules, no confusing facial expressions, and way more people who share my interests.

But then, of course, as the internet became more and more mainstream (especially after the pandemic), the internet became just like real life; ruled by the pretty people who will tell anyone who does something "wrong" to do horrific things. As such, I tried my hands at making my own site, and found it extremely fulfilling. It's helped me fall back in love with the internet. There are so many things I can do with some HTML and CSS, and has been so fulfilling for my disabled self.

But, of course, even the web revival movement has its issues for disabled folk. So, so, so many websites insist on being inaccessible for the sake of "accuracy to the old web." And so many elitists on Neocities dunk on things like HTML templates, saying things like, "Learning HTML isn't that hard!" Like, okay, for YOU maybe. Not all of us can be abled though. Come back to me when you have brain fog, executive dysfunction, attention issues and chronic fatigue, THEN we'll talk. MAYBE.

And, of course, there's issues of unspoken social rules within these spaces... Glitterpidgeon said it perfectly.

not to mention that any sort of social interaction brings with it new social norms to not understand, and new communities to feel alienated and excluded from. sometimes it feels like you don't belong anywhere, no matter how hard you try.

[serenefork]

I have POTS, depression, and a plethora of undiagnosed disorders, being a webmaster for me has meant that I've been able to have something to do during the day that isn't as exhausted and painful as many of my other creative interests. I only have a laptop so I sit in bed with it on my lap desk and I'm able to do a lot more than I would offline. It's helping me build a stronger sense of community that being stuck at home has disallowed me to have prior. It also has helped me with my depression in that instead of doom scrolling a social media site and not really engaging, I instead am able to go down rabbit holes of site that people have made and it makes me feel better.