how do you make friends in web revival spaces?

[kepler-16b]

so, I am new to web revival spaces, and so far it's been really cool and a great experience! but I just haven't really been able to really... TALK to people. like sure, there's guestbooks and chatboxes on sites, but you usually can't reply on guestbooks and the likeliness of being online at the same time as someone else for chatboxes are low. I think I have had a back and forth interaction with one whole person in these spaces. how do you meet/connect with people here?

I also tend to turn to the internet for my interests which my friends don't necessarily share with me, and I've tried finding communities surrounding that kind of thing. the best I could get was some fanlisitngs, but even those aren't really discussion / communication centered 

it just feels like there are so many cool people out there and no way to talk to them!! does anyone who is more versed in the net than I am have any pointers as to what to do ?   

[shydeer]

well, i'd say participating in forums like this one is a good start! :^) their sole purpose is for connection and conversation. but forums do also suffer the same issue you brought up of asynchronous communication

if real-time back and forth is what you're looking for, i don't think the web revival environment has much of that to offer, since real-time back and forth on the web back in the old days consisted mainly of participation in chatrooms. the closest thing we have to that now is like, discord. which i have problems with but it's where everyone i know already is 

that said, just because i lived through the old web and am participating in its revival doesn't mean i know everything about it. i'm hoping somebody else will chime in with good news or at least deeper insight 

[wygolvillage]

Exchanging email could be helpful, maybe. If someone's got an email listed on their site why not send them a message about what you liked about it? (I need to be better about this but I get so anxious about bothering people lol) I feel like a lot of this area of the web is more inclined to slower conversation since that's just what was common on the web in the era we take inspiration from.

I think of the differences in online communication styles like, writing letters vs. a real time conversation. Forums and emails are a lot more like letters!

It's kind of an interesting predicament though. I'm still using discord very often because it's one of my only options for realtime convos (plus all my friends are on there)

[Melooon]

I'm not the best person to answer this one (I am famously aloof  ) but I did wanna pitch a question and that's about the idea of friendships and how they work best.

They are less about the mode of communication and more about the shared reason for communication. You become friends with people when you share a unique experience together. On the web, the people that I feel closer to are the ones that I've had extended discussions with here or via email while we figure something out, people who have collaborated with me on projects, or who have played with me for many hours on the minecraft server working on a big build.

It's really not about the technology, the aesthetic, the socio-economic ideals or the artistic goals that define the web revival. It's about the situation you create to foster connections. Its up to you to start projects, email people and create situations for people to come into your life (and that's scary and hard work and I dont blame people for not wanting to always do it!)

MelonLand and other web revival zones like it can offer a space for you to meet like-minded people and provide the some of tools to allow you to connect and work together. However, it all comes down to how you use it ^^

[j]

@Melooon 's response hits the nail on the head for me. i've met amazing people in the web revival who i've kept in contact with via email, but i've recently also met awesome folks on the friends versions of dating apps that are now digital penpals. the shared foundation is that the folks who i've contacted have signaled that they're looking for friends, either by including their communications preferences somewhere on a page personal to them (as opposed to a reference manual for how to drive a tractor :P), or by being on an app aimed at meeting friends in the first place.

as @wygolvillage already said: emailing is the most popular communications technology within the web revival, because we all have one! i talk from experience (and from hearing others' thoughts) when i say that anyone with a website almost certainly loves receiving emails about their sites from users that have stumbled across them, but finding something to talk about above the guestbook-esque "your site looks cool!" is a whole different kettle of salmon. candidly, from the interactions i've had within the web revival that haven't been on public message boards like this, the biggest difficulty i run into when trying to make friends is that there's disparity when trying to make conversation, and it feels like i'm putting in loads more effort than other participants. i feel like superficial comments are similar in that they don't offer up any routes anyone can take to continue talking.

if you're interested in finding folks on ML, then i'd suggest checking out this post for digital penpals :)

those are my experiences, and good luck @kepler-16b!

[Klopnis]

While I've had a few pleasant conversations with folks, I wouldn't say I've properly made friends with anyone in the web revival yet. That said, IRC is where I've come closest to doing so. It probably attracts a similar crowd to those drawn to the web revival movement, so it might be a good place to get started.

but forums do also suffer the same issue you brought up of asynchronous communication

This is spot on—it's one of the reasons I think it's easier to hold a sustained back-and-forth over IRC than on a forum.

[arcus]

Talk to people through email, or on their forum profiles, and ask if it's okay to add them on an instant messager. If someone has a link to their XMPP or Matrix account here, I'm sure they'll be more than okay with it.

[wygolvillage]

but finding something to talk about above the guestbook-esque "your site looks cool!" is a whole different kettle of salmon.

I would absolutely agree with this, a lot of messages I've recieved via chatbox, guestbook, etc. is "Your site looks cool" or sometimes pointing out specific things they liked (very rarely) so often I just end up sending a "thank you" message and not much comes of it. Like, it's the kind of thing where there aren't obvious different directions to take the conversation or build upon what was said. (I'm guilty of both aspects of this!)

A good way to keep a conversation going is to ask questions, I think. Like, this shrine page looks cool, what inspired you to make it? Can you tell me more about the story behind the art you posted? How do I code that? Etc. And then when you get a (hopefully) interesting or in-depth response it feels rude not to reply, so then just keep going from there.

I like the thing in the top bar of the forum, where sometimes it says "Keep your posts high-quality", I think this is a good guideline to not having a conversation die too. But, like your post said, that requires active effort on both sides!

[Misanthropic Monster™]

I found a lot of the messages in this thread interesting. I am also someone who struggles with connecting (I go into this a bit on my website bio) - it's one of the main reasons I talk a lot on this forum... I just want to have some sort of interaction with another sentient being even if it's shallow and fleeting. I just enjoy talking to people online.

[wygolvillage]

it's one of the main reasons I talk a lot on this forum... I just want to have some sort of interaction with another sentient being even if it's shallow and fleeting. I just enjoy talking to people online.

I agree! I definitely feel more "connected" on forums even if I'm not really specifically friends with any particular users, it's a bit like being a regular somewhere (like a shop or a library) and recognizing names and faces and acquaintances. It's a nice feeling honestly!

[Misanthropic Monster™]

I agree! I definitely feel more "connected" on forums even if I'm not really specifically friends with any particular users, it's a bit like being a regular somewhere (like a shop or a library) and recognizing names and faces and acquaintances. It's a nice feeling honestly!

Yes! That is a good comparison actually, like being a regular at a library or a coffee shop or something.

[varve]

I definitely also have trouble with this. I tend to be a lurker, which habit I'm trying to break... but it's hard getting past the deeply embedded notion that nobody wants to hear what I have to say.

I suppose that's one thing easier about my own website than a forum - nobody has to visit my site, and it's my own space. If I post in a forum, it feels like seeking attention in someone else's space, like intruding. (Not the healthiest way to approach interaction, but "stop interrupting" was unfortunately quite formative for me.)

I like talking to people! I just don't know how to start conversations.

[Paprika]

If you feel you'd like to tell something to someone, then feel free to do it ! I am completely open to DMs from anyone about anything, asynchronous conversation is helpful when you"re not on the same side of the planet. I had too much of Messenger, Discord and Skype and always felt saturated. Here with the forum it's simple and easy and I don't feel forced to reply instantly, I take time to think about what I'm gonna write thus making more interesting and more focused replies. But that's just how I see it !

I do agree with a lot of points from Melon's post as well !

[sibusen]

Yeah I am struggling a bit with getting in contact with people in the web revival space tbh. I feel like I'm shouting into space most times. I went in with a lot of enthusiasm but have lost the spark a little. Main reason might be that I'm 'old' (45) but also I feel like I never really find people with similar interests. Might check out the digital pen pal thing but I don't really have much hope. I guess I will have to wait til more old people get their noses out of facebook and instagram

[Misanthropic Monster™]

Yeah I am struggling a bit with getting in contact with people in the web revival space tbh. I feel like I'm shouting into space most times. I went in with a lot of enthusiasm but have lost the spark a little. Main reason might be that I'm 'old' (45) but also I feel like I never really find people with similar interests. Might check out the digital pen pal thing but I don't really have much hope. I guess I will have to wait til more old people get their noses out of facebook and instagram

I can sort of relate, I am in my 40's also and whilst I post a lot on here, I find it hard to transcend beyond that to anything more meaningful with people.

I had a look at your BIO just now and you seem interesting! If you are ok with PMs I would love to get to know you more!