How do you cope with loneliness?

[e-]

In a healthy way that is, not just dissociating till the end of time.
 
What works for you?

[Zunne]

Talking to strangers on the WWW.

[xixxii]

listen to wikipedia!
it's nice to think of how many other people are all awake and online at the same time as me, thinking and writing and editing and sharing information... there are so many people who know so much about things i've never even heard of before, and we're all here on earth together at this very moment! i find it really wonderful and relaxing and it always cheers me up a bit if i'm feeling down or lonely. whatever's going on with me, there's always somebody out there editing wikipedia... i get the same feeling when i'm up late and i see a light on in someone else's room, even if it's streets away; it's just nice to know someone else is here, too, right now, even if we have nothing to do with each other.

[zawieja]

Personally, the trend I've noticed in myself is that I tend to feel lonely when I'm generally unhappy. So as long as I try to boost my mood in some way - working on the hobbies, watching something fun, cooking something good or cleaning (I jsut really enjoy cleaning!) I'm keeping the loneliness feeling at bay.

And saying that even as a person with a terrible social anxiety - there is a ton of opportunities to meet new people and talk to them when you reach out in real life, too. I love internet friendships, but something about talking to an old grandma on a bench in the park just hits differently.

I think people tend to feel lonely because us, humans, like to have some sort of a community to belong to, and a lot of that is gone in a digital age. So I guess what I'm saying... It's good to have genuine hobbies and passions, and be able to reach out to others.

[e-]

Hm. Well thank you for responding... I guess that's not really what I'm asking. Perhaps there are two very different things called loneliness; One thats transient like having one bad day, and another that is existential.
If you're a generally ok and get lonely now and then, then yeah you should do little things to boost your mood and get on with your life.

However, if you notice that you've never been able to connect with people your entire life, you've never belonged anywhere, you feel like a space alien everywhere you go.. Well doing little things to temporarily forget how lonely you are feels like the last thing you should be doing. Because you're just in denial indefinitely.

Probably sounds like venting at this point but I'm trying to reach anyone who might also feel like this.

If nobody does, well this is the most ironic post ever haha

[xXWebMasterXx_Gina]

However, if you notice that you've never been able to connect with people your entire life, you've never belonged anywhere, you feel like a space alien everywhere you go.. Well doing little things to temporarily forget how lonely you are feels like the last thing you should be doing. Because you're just in denial indefinitely.

I totally get what you mean! I don't really have any sound advice though  . My philosophy is that if I keep doing things that I would do and go to places that I would go, eventually I would find people who would truly understand my particular brand of crazy, but that hasn't happened yet. Still, that's about as much as I can do I suppose. I don't have high hopes that it will work, but uh something something statistically it could?

But on a positive note; I guess I'd rather stay an alien than conform and be fake.    

[Absentmind]

I used to feel like that when I was a teenager/early 20s and I think I just grew out of it. I guess an example for me was that I was super into metal growing up, but I always hated the metal sub culture, I always thought it was so cringey. I wouldn't talk to people at shows and none of my friends growing up liked metal and we sort of drifted. I never felt part of it and I guess it amplified this feeling of "I don't belong anywhere" and it made me feel lonely, like I was flawed and wasn't doing something right.

Fast forward to my mid 20s when I moved away from home to go to university is when I had this growth period where I moved away from the whole "I don't fit in anywhere" kind of mind set. I came from a not particularly pleasant home life and now I was living with total strangers in university halls. I think the biggest is mingling with strangers, I was forced to do it, otherwise I'd most certainly fail uni. You soon find out nobody fits in anywhere, we're not rigid beings that are a certain way. We are flexible and change constantly and I think what held me back was my ego in a way. I always had this harsh wall of "I CANNOT DO ANYTHING CRINGE THEREFORE DONT DO ANYTHING" which made me super unhappy. You kinda got to let go and be open minded to other people and what they had to say. My current closest friend is someone who, 10 years ago, I would have chalked up as being some hipster asshole not worth my time, which is so not true because he's a great guy.

Point is, we build up walls and play scripts in our head to say we're outcast losers, when in reality, we have the ability to bend ourselves to fit into whatever social scenario we want to. Some people might chalk that up as "being fake" or "not yourself" but I feel that is not the case. I'm always my genuine self around people and I'm open to what they say and I'm up for anything. And that's coming from someone who's introverted and generally keeps to themselves, years ago I'd do nothing but sit in a dark room, now I go out with people all the time.

I get not everyone is fortunate to move away from home or go to university. I was lucky enough to meet some amazing people at university and I spent a lot of time researching psychology and philosophy in my downtime because I wanted to change how I interacting with people and something a long the way clicked, and I think this can happen for anyone.

I tried to not make this sound like a corny "be yourself" post but I'd summarise it as:

Environment
Mindset
The drive for personal growth

Nobody fits in anywhere, we bend to what we want to, Be open to people, Think about the things that make you feel lonely and try and figure out a "solution", maybe that's reading philosophy or figuring out how navigate certain feelings. Realise it's usually a toxic mindset that makes you feel that way. Personal growth is the key

I don't know anything about you so I can't make assumptions but that's what I've got to say, maybe this word salad tangent isn't the answer you're looking for but I hope it helps whoever does need this  . Life's all about figuring things out and you eventually will!

I used to feel like an alien, now I feel like a human being and I hope someday you do too 

[Yek]

Hm. Well thank you for responding... I guess that's not really what I'm asking. Perhaps there are two very different things called loneliness; One thats transient like having one bad day, and another that is existential.
If you're a generally ok and get lonely now and then, then yeah you should do little things to boost your mood and get on with your life.

However, if you notice that you've never been able to connect with people your entire life, you've never belonged anywhere, you feel like a space alien everywhere you go.. Well doing little things to temporarily forget how lonely you are feels like the last thing you should be doing. Because you're just in denial indefinitely.

Probably sounds like venting at this point but I'm trying to reach anyone who might also feel like this.

If nobody does, well this is the most ironic post ever haha

just be space alien then gingzorp out

[xixxii]

Hm. Well thank you for responding... I guess that's not really what I'm asking. Perhaps there are two very different things called loneliness; One thats transient like having one bad day, and another that is existential.
If you're a generally ok and get lonely now and then, then yeah you should do little things to boost your mood and get on with your life.

However, if you notice that you've never been able to connect with people your entire life, you've never belonged anywhere, you feel like a space alien everywhere you go.. Well doing little things to temporarily forget how lonely you are feels like the last thing you should be doing. Because you're just in denial indefinitely.

Probably sounds like venting at this point but I'm trying to reach anyone who might also feel like this.

i definitely wouldn't describe myself as "generally ok", ha!  what i shared is a way i cope with existential loneliness, which i do experience; it is not a form of being in denial to me at all! not everything is going to work for everybody, though. that's life! doesn't mean that we have nothing in common or that we can't understand each other; it just means that we are different people!

my roommate loooves reading self-help books and finds them super helpful for working through their feelings; i find them corny and useless. silence makes me feel better when i'm stressed; silence makes them feel worse. different strokes for different folks! fortunately all data points are helpful; figuring out things that definitely don't work for you helps narrow down ideas for what will work.

[Misanthropic Monster™]

However, if you notice that you've never been able to connect with people your entire life, you've never belonged anywhere, you feel like a space alien everywhere you go.. Well doing little things to temporarily forget how lonely you are feels like the last thing you should be doing. Because you're just in denial indefinitely.

 
 

It's like you slithered into my brain and took my feelings out, then posted them here! Is that how you also feel?

I don't have a positive coping method to share with you, I do the 'disassociating' thing that is probably not healthy. 

[grubbyfox]

My sister is my roommate, so I'm rarely lonely anyway, but even when I am technically alone for longer periods of time, it doesn't really affect me? Like, my best friends dont live in my hometown anymore, but we talk online. I dont really miss them that much though. Dont get me wrong, I LOVE hanging with them and would love to hang out and all that, but I dont go around craving it at all. Especially since we talk daily online.

I guess I am constantly "topped off" so my social need never really depletes. And when it has gone down, I've not really noticed.

I will say though, I am very touch starved. Getting a hug and physical contact with family members/friends is not doing anything for me. I mean, real deep human touch. Intimacy, someone who passionately wants to to touch you. That sort of stuff. Being actually wanted. It's been years and years and years, and even then it was bread crumbs.

Now I'm so touch starved, I literally feel feral. There's no healthy way to cope with that.
4 years ago, I had a dentist who had to manhandle me to really get some molars properly fixed. Like he had me in a near head lock between his arms and chest, while I was battling a fight or flight response due to adrenaline. Then he would also grab my shoulders sometimes really reassuringly to ground me.

That stuff nearly broke me. And it's the only touch I've had in probably over 15 years. 

[candycanearter07]

Talking to strangers on the WWW.

Hey same! That's like the only major social interaction I've really had..

listen to wikipedia!
it's nice to think of how many other people are all awake and online at the same time as me, thinking and writing and editing and sharing information... there are so many people who know so much about things i've never even heard of before, and we're all here on earth together at this very moment! i find it really wonderful and relaxing and it always cheers me up a bit if i'm feeling down or lonely. whatever's going on with me, there's always somebody out there editing wikipedia... i get the same feeling when i'm up late and i see a light on in someone else's room, even if it's streets away; it's just nice to know someone else is here, too, right now, even if we have nothing to do with each other.

OMG thanks for the link! It's such a peaceful thing to listen to 

It's like you slithered into my brain and took my feelings out, then posted them here! Is that how you also feel?

I don't have a positive coping method to share with you, I do the 'disassociating' thing that is probably not healthy. 

Same i think

I'd say try to like find clubs and stuff in your area? That kinda helped me even if they don't run over the summer..

[glitterpigeon]

Talking to strangers on the WWW.

how do you actually form connections with people online? i often feel like no one really want to talk to me in most online spaces and most online spaces seem somewhat empty of direct interaction to me? more people existing in parallel without actually talking to each other usually? even forums which feel a bit better in this regard, have something sort of empty about the interactions to me.

I find talking to strangers in person can help, but it's tricky cause I don't want to bother people.

[Zunne]

how do you actually form connections with people online? i often feel like no one really want to talk to me in most online spaces and most online spaces seem somewhat empty of direct interaction to me? more people existing in parallel without actually talking to each other usually? even forums which feel a bit better in this regard, have something sort of empty about the interactions to me.

I find talking to strangers in person can help, but it's tricky cause I don't want to bother people.

Well I don't know, normally i just go to a server and talk about something relevant, then someone will talk to me. Kinda depends on which server/forum your in

[rinni]

Hobbies, for the most part. Sensory overload as well. Not exactly that, but just... Overwhelming myself in the present with constant things to focus on/think about. I watch videos. Listen to music. Scroll on social media. Draw. Write. Although, one of these usually leaves me feeling even hollower.

I broke up with my first s/o today, and i'm kind of floundering around trying to find something to do so i dont think about it haha.

It also helps to obsess over stuff on the internet. Fall down rabbit holes. Learn about inconsequential stuff. Drama? Get angry at people? Sometimes i try to think to myself that other people aren't worth it. even though that isn't true. Usually i end up thinking that it's me who isnt worth it.

I find it very very hard to integrate into circles/servers/forums, especially since i desperately dont want to come off as weird or offend anyone or interrupt, etc. yknow? i know i dont /need/ to be wanted there in order to have a right to share my thoughts and opinions, but it's still hard.
 


i just want to say, though. It gets better. The human brain has a tendency to multiply negative feelings without any basis in reality. It's never as bad as your brain makes it seem. There's always a way out. Never stop reaching out. You are wanted and important. All of you