As someone who only just made an account, I did it by following
this lovely topic and decided to just take the leap and made one on
tchncs.de. From what I can tell, it seems like a solid "default" provider, it's straightforward, and it's free. Easy for me as a beginner to this area of the web.
I've been floundering about using XMPP for a while now for the same reason you mention, so I just decided to do it and see how it went. I figure I can just make a new account on a different provider if this doesn't work out somehow, but it works for me so far! I really just got overwhelmed with the many many different options there were, which was stopping me for a while, but after reading that topic I picked the first recommended one...otherwise I'd never actually make a decision. 。(*^▽^*)ゞ