Breakup, loving yourself and going foward even if it feels horrible

[CinPunk]

Hello the vast web
As usual the topics I write are already in the title. Few days ago I broke up with my first partner and is totally horrible. I'm scared to be lonely all my life and I won't feel better anymore. My depression, insecurities and horrible behaviours got me here. I was toxic and I'm paying the price. We both had our problems and now all I feel is shame and I feel horrible. I'm terrorized that he will move foward while I will be lonely forever. I know you should love yourself, but is so difficult for me, I hated my core/essence for all of my life and now I have to do it, I have to push foward even if I want to close myself up again in my room. Also we grown a part, and we were different from when we started the relationship, and either way, I have to move foward in life, work and everything.

I struggle from mental health, depression, suicidal behaviours and loneliness for all my life and even when I have friends and a partner, I feel lonely anyway.

With this post I want to connect with people who are struggling too, so we can cheer ourselves up, to not give up on life and be positive over the future. I was already broken before the start but I tried anyway.

Please be safe, I know is difficult, but we can be better and have a better life if we work on it 

Lots of hugs, because we need them 

[noahie]

Breakups are always a tough thing to go through, especially your first one. It's one that lasts pretty much the rest of your life. Time heals all wounds. It doesn't get better, but it does get easier. One day you'll go about your day and realize you haven't thought about it at all. That's when you know you're starting to heal.

Good luck, fren.

[Cele]

I have many similar feelings! I ended up in a relationship that isn't ideal because I felt so strongly that I can never get anyone else if I don't "settle" for this and now I'm struggling from that so don't make my mistake

But yes, I've been feeling "lonely while surrounded by people" lately. I wondered if I should find new friends, if that would make it possible to do or share something that I maybe can't do with the friends I already have. Not that finding new friends would be easy, though. I still approach this from the perspective that there ARE things I can do to improve my situation.

[Melooon]

I've come to find the all those fears you describe, they do come true  That person will move on without you, and you will always love the version of them you knew. When you really love someone, it doesn't go away, its stays with you, even long after that person dissolves into time.

You'll grow though, and you'll become another person too, and both the good memories and the pain will become part of you, and they will help build who you become. It's on you now to turn those things into the person you want to be. You don't get to leave the pain behind, but you do get to decide what you turn it into.

Sometimes you might find yourself wanting to hurt forever, because hurting for someone is still more than losing them entirely. Don't fall for that trap though, the world is made of a lot more than longing, and your life is worth more than a memory