Tips for being kind to people?

[Melooon]

Christmas/darkest winter is upon us and for many its a stressy time of the year; sometimes when your tired or busy it can be hard to put in that extra effort to make sure someone feels good about what your saying to them - particularly if your not feeling very kind within yourself

What are some of your tips for remembering to be kind to people (both online and offline)?

 

[TheFrugalGamer]

This is a nice subject to bring up at this time of year! I know I've been feeling the stress myself lately.

One of the things I've been practicing lately is noticing when I look at people, or listen to people, whatever, and instantly feel annoyed in some way. I make a note to myself that it probably means I'm in a bad mood, and I need to stop and reflect on why that is. I noticed it a while back when out and about, and I realized that I was getting upset with just about everyone around me, and that it was far less about them and more about how I was feeling. So whenever I have that knee-jerk asshole rear its head in my mind, and start up with things like "well this person looks like a moron..." I try and take a moment to reflect about why I'm angry instead of listening to it.

[Guest]

Honestly I think the top number one thing that I had to (and still need to) learn to remind myself of is to imagine myself in other people's situations.
Not in a simple, logical way, but in an actual, kind of silly "close my eyes and imagine vividly what I would feel" way. It helps me build empathy for what other people feel and what I would like me to act like in their shoes. Oftentimes it is difficult to understand why people act unexpectedly but that helps me build that kind of empathy.

[Cele]

Aw man I was so weird all day at parents celebrating xmas and relatives were there too. Just really talkative and bubbly all day, it's very unsual for me (quite introverted...) I hope it came of as kind to them!

[NacreousDreams]

I return from nonexistence!

One thing I would say is that politeness is not inherently kindness. In fact, manners are often a way people can be blatantly mean. People with important topics to talk about may be discouraged from doing so because it's impolite. Attempts to be polite can backfire and just waste people's time. Frankly, some people respond poorly to manners, and it's wasted on them.

With that said, it's not great to engage in rude behavior, either. But it's important to understand kindness separate from manners. In any meaningful case of politeness, you can replace manners with a more substantial justification.

• Why should we hold the door for people? Because it should make their lives easier.
• Why should we compliment people? Because it makes them happy and boosts their self-confidence.
• Why should we say "please" and "thank you"? Because we feel gratitude toward people.
• Why should we soften our harsh statements? Because we feel our companion is most able to hear what we're trying to say without unnecessary stress or anger by doing so.

[Melooon]

Spotted this video today and thought of this thread! 

The author's advice is that; when he first encounters a comment or opinion, his first reaction is always to look at it from an ego point of view - it's a fight or flight reaction. However, he then recommends making an effort to stop and deliberately move that comment into your chest and look at it again from a hearts perspective  Often you get a very different angle on whats being said and it can make an interaction a lot less stressful and hopefully help you live longer!

[grovyle]

Not so much a tip as an anecdote, really.

I once did some volunteer work in a place where there was no hot water, no heating AT ALL, we had to share a bathroom and old kitchen between 15 people etc etc. Middle of the mud dirty far from civilization type of place. And one of the other volunteers kept complaining about anything and everything, laughing at the rest of us for the silliest things, and all around being unpleasant to be around. I was at my wit's end trying to not commit homicide on her, until another volunteer said in the most compassionate, empathetic moment I've ever experienced in my life, "wow, she must be having a really bad time here". Like. The fact that I was fuming because her complaining unconvenienced me had completely taken me away from the fact that this girl was probably SUFFERING being there.
And ever since, I've tried to take a step back when someone annoys me and ask why are they like this? Is there something I can do? And I think that's made me kinder