People watching and making friends

[angel-val]

I recently moved from a relatively small town where I knew a whole lot of people, to a big city where I know essentially no one. And while that sounds intimidating It's genuinely so exciting! One thing that's been hard though, is making friends here. I don't go to school at the moment, and I have no idea where to start in terms of social clubs and stuff like that. Right now I'm living with family, so it's not too big an issue. But, especially since I won't be going back to school for a while due to mental health problems, I'd like to start trying to make some connections.

This city is (thankfully) very walkable, and dense, so most people are traveling on foot. That means it's prime real estate for people watching, which has been something I've been interested in for a long time but have never really been able to do, since about 2 people lived in my old town. Just the thought of sitting down in a hole-in-the-wall coffee shop with a hot chocolate and watching the world go by with music blasting in my ears sounds so appealing

Does anyone else people watch? Anything I should know? And has anyone ever had luck making friends doing it?

[Melooon]

Being in a new city or town on your own can be really tough! I was in New York for almost a year and the only way I really made friends was through work and my flatmates - but it can totally happen in other ways too.

I always liked the idea that you can just go out and meet your new best friend sitting in the park, like in a movie - but it hasn't happened yet That said, having tried quite a few times over the years and having traveled a lot to new cities, I do have some advice!

First off, it really depends on your personality - are you friendly and confident around new people? If you're out there and you want to talk to someone, chances are you're gonna have to initiate the conversation - most people will be a bit reserved at first, but if you're polite they should warm up quickly - also talking to two people who are together can be a good idea, people are more open and secure when they are with their friends (although they might also have less time for you).

The best places to meet people are places that naturally break down social barriers - youth hostels are great if you're traveling because everyone there is a traveler too. In your local area, places like art galleries and museums can be good because its easy to strike up a conversation about something on display. Iv also had a lot of interesting conversations on trains.. particularly when the train is delayed!

Cafes and bars are great too - but it depends what the cafe/bar is like, sitting at the counter is always a great place to find a conversation. If you're on a phone/tablet/laptop or have headphones on, people will assume you're busy and wont talk to you at all. However if you are drawing/painting on paper, or taking photographs with an interesting camera, people love that - almost every time I go out drawing in public, someone will come up and have a look! (sometimes they will be flirting, be aware of that )

After all that, the best way to meet people is at events, work/school, meetups or clubs, but thats not really your question! - Many cafes these days have public board game nights.

Finally, if you're just in a cafe and you wanna enjoy the space and not worry about the social side too much - writing or web design on a small laptop is the classic cafe people watching pass time. Some of the best pages on my site have been made in cafes (a lot of this forum theme was made in an airport) - often the focus of having a public-private space can be really creatively helpful - take notes of the things you see, and draw sketches - you never know when that might be useful for a future project and someone might find it interesting!

I wish you good luck!

[angel-val]

[1] If you're on a phone/tablet/laptop or have headphones on, people will assume you're busy and wont talk to you at all.

[2] However if you are drawing/painting on paper

[3] (sometimes they will be flirting, be aware of that )

[4] writing or web design

amazing reply, thank you so much! first off, I'm definitely reserved, but if I see someone doing something interesting it's definitely within my ability to go up and ask them about it :omg:k:

[1] This is actually a good tip, now I have a way of differentiating between times I want to talk and times I don't

[2] Shame I can't draw at all... oh well, I'm sure I'll find something

[3] Hey, I'm not opposed to that

[4] Programming and taking notes is basically all I do, so I was totally gonna do this anyway lol

[purelyconstructive]

While they can definitely overlap, I often treat people-watching and making friends as distinct activities.

When people-watching, I always try to fade into the background as I do not want anyone to get the impression that I am stalking them. For example, I may sit at the park or a cafe and simply observe what is going on around me without staring at anyone in particular. I may take my laptop, a book, and/or a sketchpad with me as well. The watching of people is usually coincidental with what I am already doing, but sometimes inspires my writing directly as I imagine what the people around me might be experiencing.

When trying to make new friends, I seek out groups that share my interests. Some libraries and museums have community bulletin boards, or one can check websites like Meetup. Colleges sometimes offer individual classes for adults to learn some sort of skill (like cooking, dancing, painting, programming, etc.), and many places have gyms, martial arts dojos, and churches of various faiths if that sort of thing is of interest to you. I have met some good friends through a study group / book club, and through shows that I've done at local art galleries. As you get to know people better, first meeting as a group within a public setting is safer too!

I have a tendency to completely avoid bars (because the music is often loud, alcohol can alter one's perceptions, etc.). It isn't the best place to hold conversations or to get to know people in my opinion. But as long as one has a friendly disposition (e.g.: a happy facial expression, body language that is calm, a polite manner of speaking, etc.), any location has the potential for making friends.

[angel-val]

Oh I definitely am treating them as separate activities, just asking about the points where they do in fact overlap haha