how do you make friends in web revival spaces?

[sibusen]

I can sort of relate, I am in my 40's

Hello fellow 40s friend. PMs are very welcome!

[candycanearter07]

I definitely also have trouble with this. I tend to be a lurker, which habit I'm trying to break... but it's hard getting past the deeply embedded notion that nobody wants to hear what I have to say.

I suppose that's one thing easier about my own website than a forum - nobody has to visit my site, and it's my own space. If I post in a forum, it feels like seeking attention in someone else's space, like intruding. (Not the healthiest way to approach interaction, but "stop interrupting" was unfortunately quite formative for me.)

I like talking to people! I just don't know how to start conversations.

agreed! as someone with anxiety and stuff its hard to like actively reach out to certian ppl..

the only person im really friends with in the area so far is roly buts thats because of unrelated discord stuff :D

[larvapuppy]

I am notoriously bad at making and keeping friends, so I may not be the best person to respond, but... My advice is to feel okay with friendships growing a little slower in this space. I haven't made any super close friendships here, but there a few cool people who I interact with and occasionally talk to, and I value those connections even if we weren't instant best friends.

That being said, I'm always up for a chat sooo-

[Memory]

I genuinely don't understand how people maintain relationships. I have been alive for over 4 decades and I literally have no actual connections, relationships or friendships to show for any of that time. A mix of not trusting people, mistreatment and my autistic inability to maintain anything.  I look to people who have managed to remain close to others for longer than a decade with genuine envy and curiosity.

As for making friends in web revival spaces; I've not made friends as such, but I have been PMing one or two folk here and having nice chats so that is something 

[Eunice]

I don't really know anyone in web revival. This is where I miss all the big groups for women back in the day, and webrings, and web competitions. There are only two competitions left, and they are rather boring. No back and forth in each other's guestbooks, no visiting at all now. Unless you're a member of Neocities or Nekoweb, then it's difficult to find anyone.

[Melooon]

There are only two competitions left, and they are rather boring. No back and forth in each other's guestbooks

Why not start one? It sounds like you have a pretty clear idea of the culture your missing; if someone doesn't work to built that culture it will never exist.

One of the treads I see across web revival spaces recently is a real lack of motivation to carry new ideas and projects into public spaces. People want a better web, they want to have spaces for connection, but so rarely do I see people really putting in the force to build alternative spaces and keep them alive.

This is not directed at you @Eunice or anyone in particular; but I would like to see people take more initiative; because if people don't start making the spaces they want to see, I think this whole scene will fade out ~ I don't want people to just end up back on discord or stuck orbiting the same three sites, there should be more, but people need to make it happen!

I suppose this is more of a follow up to what I wrote here in April; the structures exist, but people need to actually use them if they want to create the opportunities for connection.

[moos]

I definitely also have trouble with this. I tend to be a lurker, which habit I'm trying to break... but it's hard getting past the deeply embedded notion that nobody wants to hear what I have to say.

I suppose that's one thing easier about my own website than a forum - nobody has to visit my site, and it's my own space. If I post in a forum, it feels like seeking attention in someone else's space, like intruding. (Not the healthiest way to approach interaction, but "stop interrupting" was unfortunately quite formative for me.)

I like talking to people! I just don't know how to start conversations.

I relate to this so much. I'm having to really learn that I'm not objectively annoying. Bad luck and social media has turned me into a chronic lurker, too.

I feel that personal sites make it easier to start a conversation. All my time on Discord and I've never really made it past "nm, hbu?" before the convo fizzles out. Whereas looking at someone's site and you'll be able to see all the things you have in common before the convo even starts. (especially useful for ppl with social anxiety)

But the web revival has given me the spark I needed to try to overcome my fears. Now I kinda have the opposite problem, lol. I'm so excited about all the cool sites and people and I have a huge backlog of projects that now I'm having to learn how to deal with feelings of overwhelm and overstimulation. But it will get better as I get used to it.

I still have a huge amount to learn though, not just in coding but also in social skills, lol. I've spent so long as a semi-hermit that I feel like all my posts are word salads, now. 

[Rosaria Delacroix]

I suppose it's much the same as in any space- connection tends to be borne out of familiarity. I quite like forums because of this- they allow you a greater insight into the person themselves, but also because there's something more relaxed about more long-form posting, versus a flurry of microposts updating rapidly in a feed buzzing with activity.

All of my meaningful relationships have come out of a shared hobby or interest, generally. People are at their most intriguing, and wonderful, when they're passionately alive with their love for something, especially when it's more of an active hobby: something you create, rather than something you consume. There is always a ebb and flow between the two, I think- writers also read, painters also study reference works, and so forth.

The Web Revival is nicely situated for that, as people are both actively making their personal sites, and also likely to share tangential hobbies: I would imagine many people are also artists, due to the graphic design that can factor into developing websites, and many are likely writers as well, due to the popularity of blogging.

It helps to do things, also. I've always been the kind of person who would be the one to act impulsively, on whimsy: moved to ask people if they wanted to join a tabletop roleplay game campaign (TTRPG), if they wanted to join an game jam, if they wanted to learn something I was more than happy to help guide and teach them through like picking out and using a fountain pen for the first time. The worst thing they can do is to say no- but you won't know for sure, until you've asked. Asking gets you things, or at least the knowledge to move on and try someone, or something else. People are often pleased to be considered for inclusion, also- it's quite flattering.

Kindness also has been fruitful: people often want to be heard, to be listened to with compassion, and it's been the oddest acts of kindness that have led to my developing very important relationships in my life- something as small as making a birthday card for someone I didn't know very well at all, or an icon for someone who had idly mentioned looking for a new one. If you're warm, and genuinely interested in others while also having something cool of your own to share with them in turn, especially if it can be spun into being a collaborative thing like TTRPG, it's relatively smooth sailing in terms of making connections and fostering friendships. 

[fauxclore]

I think @Rosaria Delacroix is right on the money: people appreciate kindness, and appreciate you putting yourself "out there". I personally feel more inclined to connect with someone if I can feel some kind of "vulnerabilization" from them. Maybe vulnerability is not the right word, what I mean is that feeling of seeing someone put part of themselves in their work, in their words and their actions.

Also, yeah, I agree that time is the biggest factor. Being consistent, either in lurking or posting, or even in real life going to the same place at roughly the same times and interacting with other regulars, that for me has worked in my adult life to bring me to new friendships. Of course they mostly don't go that deep, but they do exist.

That's my biggest problem, I tend to lead a chaotic life and so from the point of view of others, I appear, say something, and leave. I hope this year I can work on that and be a little stabler in my social appearances.