how do you make friends on the web?

[Junebug]

I can definitely relate to this. I do have 4-5 close friends that I've met on social media and with some of them the friendship is as long as 5 years at this point. It can be very random.

I have a couple of friends who I've known for seven years now, and we met through the manga Houseki no Kuni. The manga fandom I spend the most time in, Vanitas no Carte, is one I feel a bit ambivalent about. It's a rather catty culture, and when it's not two-faced and backstabbing you get superficial positivity instead. Still, it's my favorite serializing manga and I have no intent to stop creating fanworks for it, and the few true friends I've made over all this time is still worth it. So how I go about making friends online is to not really worry about making friends. I think the formation of friendship is a combination of happenstance and being true to yourself, and the people who really like you finding you.

I heard a story once from a former acquaintance about a friend of hers treating her very badly. They reconciled, but I didn't hear of any resolution to why that bad treatment happened in the first place. I get really confused by this because none of my friends ever treat me badly. They like me exactly the way I am. We argue sometimes, but I never get the sense of being rejected for anything fundamental about myself. I think people decide they don't deserve better than what they're getting, or think it's not possible to have better relationships. They're more afraid of being alone than they are hopeful that better things will come.

I will admit, though, that this toxic pseudo-friendly clique situation isn't everything I see in the fandom. There's also plenty of people who seem to take an interest in the manga at their own pace without worrying about fitting into any group. I feel like they've picked the best path, if only to avoid the drama of being amongst people who seem to like feeling powerful above all else. There's just a lot of fake intimacy on the internet from what I've seen. Feels like a net meant to catch lonely people, but the problem is that they give their trust to people who haven't demonstrated that they should have it. I would say to such lonely people that they should avoid the allure of easy closeness by a fake positive group, and instead just be patient. Sooner or later someone will like them, instead of the version of themselves they act out that the group they're in says is worthy of acceptance.

Edit: lol I told the exact same story twice. My brain might be fried. But there's a point. This kind of problem I'm describing exists in meatspace but it's harder to get trapped in. But online, when expression is mostly text, it's probably harder to notice the inauthenticity than in day to day life. So I think it's got to be watched out for.

[fawn]

Honestly, I find indie web communities are not a good place to make friendships when you have niche interests, but that is just my experience. I have been here for a couple of months, a bit more in the overall indie web community, I haven't made any friends. Replying to forum posts and signing the guestbook doesn't really do anything for me; I can't really get any connections from that. I don't find the overall old web very 'making friends' friendly lol. I don't see forums as a place to make friends, regardless of what the forum is about.

I guess if you want something more it's better to try out Dreamwidth as it's just like LiveJoiurnal, but I haven't seen many communities that aren't event ones (though I do not actively search for other types of communities as I have no interest in that on there) or you can look through interests and find people to follow from there. I think this one works better. I will note that Dreamwidth does seem to have an older audience, though I don't think that should be a problem.

Alternatively, Spacehey is also there for a different experience that might work better as it's actually centered around making friends. It does have a younger audience, so that can be a dealbreaker for some if they don't want to be around teens or younger kids, but I think it's a better shot than some other places I've seen.

This is absolutely wild, I added you on SpaceHey last night. Really is a small web haha. I agree with everything you've said, though! I don't expect friendships, perse, but connections and interactions are super valuable to me. I was shocked when I saw the young userbase for SpaceHey,  but it's great once you can find people in your age range, just takes a bit of digging to get there.

[haumeaGeth]

I don't really fuss over it too much. On the small web specifically, if I see something on someone's site that I want to comment on, I'll see if they have a contact listed, and I'll just... say it! On this forum, if I find a thread that's interesting, I'll just join in! If there are people in the chat and I feel like chatting, I just will.

I feel like I've made the best connections this way. I focus more on what feels good to me that just happens to involve other people, I don't make it about other people, if that makes sense. I enjoy the interactions, but don't go in with any goals or expectations. I haven't even made any lasting friendships this way, but I did run into some other POTSies on Web Fishing, had some cool conversations over Discord, and learned about a bunch of cool stuff on this forum. I'm happy with this, it feels fulfilling to me.