posting anxiety and forums

[bedman]

so, this is my first time truly wanting to participate in a forum, but im finding myself getting kind of anxious every time i want to post something and end up doing nothing at all. i feel like all replies, posts, or topics i might choose to make have to all be significant or important, and im unsure if thats the truth.

im a bit worried im also too heavily influenced by social media :[ the lack of immediate response or proper notification makes me feel impatient and a little paranoid.

i think im just too caught up caring about my digital footprint. but this is a real concern i wondered if anyone else shares, and if i really dont have to worry so much, because im sure im not the only one. just wanted feedback from others and their forum experience.

  (oh, i do try to participate a lot sometimes though. i play on the minecraft server semi frequently...but not that many others are on it ;w;)

[nihil0]

Nahhhh you're not alone, I think we've all gotten used to instant replies that the modern internet has deemed standard, honestly I kind of dislike that facet of modern tech because it gives the illusion that everyone is available every day all the time

Forums are not, and have never been high-standard bastions of significance, any super significant forum posts across the web are pretty few and far between, we can just see all of them in retrospect without any of the "insignificant" discussions around them.

Most of them were simply places where hobbyists could share their work to a centralized community of people with similar interests. Like a funny bug they found or the last engine they took apart. As long as it's mostly on-topic, you can kinda just share it, forums' are just big feeds with separate categories.

[Slix]

I think this is an issue we've had with online spaces for decades actually, so you're definitely not alone!

One thing I really appreciate about forums still though, is that it's always fun to come back later and see what has been left for me to read. It takes time to get comfortable with sharing your thoughts anywhere, let alone in a space like a forum where the expectation is that you write a bit more, and you put across your thoughts a little more than on social media for example. But at the same time, people are usually allowed to just hang out and make friendships over more casual conversation in places like this too. You got this! 

[Kallistero]

A need for a post to be significant is one of the big reasons social media can't really hold on to me.    Fundamentally, most people have no obligation to care about every little blurb that I want to say, and I wouldn't make a habit of trying to oblige them toward doing so.

Even here in this forum, I have two topics I've made that no other person has replied to in spite of being around for a while:

• Kevg, the Real American Country Guy
• The Retro-like Web Lands of Psychedelic Pop Artist Magdalena Bay

Old threads, no replies, that's completely fine. It's cool to share what I want to share, and that can be that. Getting personal recognition for it isn't the same goal as just wanting it to be out there. Nobody has anything against me for sharing, and I've lost nothing by getting no replies. I simply wanted to share it, and I did! 

No post needs to be a showstopper for you to be just as welcome here. This is a place where you can share, and if I have a read on the community, our default assumption is that your intentions are pure. And conversely, you can expect the same pure intentions from us.   

[ajazz]

so, this is my first time truly wanting to participate in a forum, but im finding myself getting kind of anxious every time i want to post something and end up doing nothing at all. i feel like all replies, posts, or topics i might choose to make have to all be significant or important, and im unsure if thats the truth.

im a bit worried im also too heavily influenced by social media :[ the lack of immediate response or proper notification makes me feel impatient and a little paranoid.

this is very natural, especially if you weren't around during Peak Forum in the mid-to-late 2000s. i also had to sort of "relearn" the norms of forum culture when i started getting into the web revival earlier this year, and one of the hardest things to adjust to is exactly what you said: no "immediate responses." sometimes you will log onto a forum, skim the recent threads for that day, and decide that there's none you could meaningfully contribute to at the moment. that's a feature, not a bug - the way that conventional social media has conditioned us to post all the time for instant gratification is deeply sinister and unnatural.

i promise that as you get used to things that vestigial urge to get "engagement" that we've all been pavlov'd into will start to fade, and you'll appreciate the freedom to only post when you have something to say, rather than the implicit pressure to post for posting's sake. i would say i just recently started to re-adjust to that myself, and it's done wonders for my mental health - and i think it's also significantly improved the quality of my posts across the board lmao

[Melooon]

I suffer quite badly from exposure anxiety too Its a general fear that what you say or do might not be good enough, might be misinterpreted, or might not live up to peoples expectations. It was the reason I quit Discord, and it's also been a growing issue for me here as the forum has grown ~ I also get it quite badly when posting on my site!

I'm not sure there is much of a solution other than powering through and keeping things in perspective. It's better to say something, even if it's difficult, then to play it cool and not express what you wanna express.

To quote the Beatles 

Don't carry the world upon your shoulders
For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder

It's better to get it wrong and make a fool of yourself! People can forgive pretty easily, and most people don't judge you nearly has harshly as you judge yourself.

It's also important to remember that the world is BIG; impressions matter, but your time here is pretty short, and 99.99% of what you do wont be remembered; even if it's archived, that archive may never be read or may only be skimmed by a passing eye. There's no point living your life in fear of a passing eye you may never know.

[JINSBEK]

I don't experience any kind of anxiety concerning this, so I can't contribute in "that" way, but maybe, in offering the exact inverse perspective, I can help others who do have these kinds of worries succeed in overcoming them.

Chicken butt.

I used to work in a hospital emergency department, and one of the things I had to do every now and then, was page overhead. "Code Blue in Telemetry, Code Blue in Telemetry", "Dr Jones to Med-Surg, Dr Jones to Med-Surg," and so on. Nobody likes doing it at first. You're always afraid you'll mess up, and the entire hospital will hear it. Eventually, you do. And your co-workers give you some funny looks or giggle, and then life goes on, and nobody actually dies because they heard you say "What?" overhead.

What makes scary things less scary is persistently doing them over time. If your nerves are shaken after doing something scary, do some jumping jacks, go outside, take some deep breaths and look at the trees, then come back inside and see for yourself if anything catastrophic has actually happened. Nobody hates you and you've gotten some excellent cardio in in the meantime.

Everyone who has regularly been on modern social media (myself included) has been conditioned to post a "hit Tweet" with every thing they post. You know, when you get that little, niggling voice in your head, telling you that you need to post a "hit Tweet"? Chicken butt. Tell it chicken butt, look at a meme that has nothing to do with anything, and go "BAWK BAWK, BAWK-BAWK!" in your computer chair flapping your arms and see if anyone hates you. Then go, "I LIKE CHICKEN BUTTS" while you play with silly putty in your hands and let me know if you still find something wrong enough with you and your future forum posts so bad that the people of MelonLand will forever hold you in opprobrium.

[candycanearter07]

I have really bad anxiety about posting, but it's more in a "i have nothing interesting to provide and everyone is so talented ill just be like forgotten" kinda way and that ironically is keeping me from working on stuff so it keeps going and idk

[moss]

this thread really helped with my posting anxiety. thank you guys :)
but I still have a question. What do you do when you only have one remaining family member and only irl acquaintances? I move around so often that I never have the chance to make friends before I leave town again. So it's just me and my parent, now. I used to have some online friends but we grew apart as we got older. I'm looking for ways to make more close friends online, not just acquaintances. I'm super grateful for the web revival, it's infinitely less lonely than the core web but I still feel alone. These things take time ofc, but I'm also not sure where I should start. I tried Revolt but like Discord, it's like being at a party where everyone's talking loudly about nothing in particular. On the other end, forums seem awesome but more as a peaceful place for discussion, not necessarily for close friendship. Is there a middle ground somewhere between loud and quiet, party and peaceful?

[Melooon]

Is there a middle ground somewhere between loud and quiet, party and peaceful?

This is a situation that I think is best served by multiplayer video games and smaller group chats. For building friendships it's really helpful to have a shared goal and activity to get to know people better.

For games: I would suggest finding someone (or a few people) you might like to hang out with, and inviting them to play a causal game (such as the minecraft server here, or some other game ~ Sea of Thieves is a good one, along with Stardew Vally, or an MMO like RuneScape). Alternatively, some people join videocall DnD groups, those are not my thing but Im aware they are popular. Not everyone is a "gamer" and you may or may not be very into playing games, but as far as online spaces, games really do serve that role super well.

Other good options are to join a jam (like a web craft or game making jam) with someone or a few people you'd like hang out with, and then work on the jam together (that works as long as you focus on making it a fun social activity verses being competitive or hard working).

Im sure there are other things tooo!

[moss]

This is a situation that I think is best served by multiplayer video games and smaller group chats. For building friendships it's really helpful to have a shared goal and activity to get to know people better.

For games: I would suggest finding someone (or a few people) you might like to hang out with, and inviting them to play a causal game (such as the minecraft server here, or some other game ~ Sea of Thieves is a good one, along with Stardew Vally, or an MMO like RuneScape). Alternatively, some people join videocall DnD groups, those are not my thing but Im aware they are popular. Not everyone is a "gamer" and you may or may not be very into playing games, but as far as online spaces, games really do serve that role super well.

Other good options are to join a jam (like a web craft or game making jam) with someone or a few people you'd like hang out with, and then work on the jam together (that works as long as you focus on making it a fun social activity verses being competitive or hard working).

Im sure there are other things tooo!

Thank you for the ideas! I will definitely try those. Though, tbh, the more I interact with this forum the less lonely I feel. I think what ajazz said was spot on. It seems I'm still used to immediate responses ^^;