Do you actively separate online life from real life? What's the best option?

[Xanoverse]

As someone who used to be active online and fell back to watching from the sidelines and is now trying to be active again, I'm having trouble deciding how easily I want people in real life to have access to what I do online. Especially since I want to make a personal webpage in the future with personal thoughts and entries. Part of me tells me to just not care and let everyone find whatever they find but another part of me knows it's likely I'd get uncomfortable with some people watching me and that a big perk of the web is that it's supposed to be anonymous. You don't know who I am, but many of my friends know the usernames I use for example.

And I also feel so attached to certain usernames and I'd have trouble knowing what I should put under which username and what platforms go in the mix pile and in the only online pile. I feel like not caring would save me a lot of stress and I'd get more comfortable with people just knowing things about me, but I don't know if that battle is worth it because I know it's ultimately safer for me to separate things.

How do you manage both your online life and real life and the collision of these two worlds? Do you have one username for everything or are you good at compartmentalizing things? And what's your opinion on what I should do?

[SeaSlugUFO]

I absolutely understand, as I just made some decisions a few days ago when I made an account on this forum. I make youtube videos and stream and I didn't want my forum activities to be associated with my content (I know "content" is kind of a cringe word, but for lack of a better term, I'll use it). 

IRL, I have a little notebook where I write my usernames for certain sites. I def have like 5 different personas for different things. A throwaway Reddit account for embarrassing or medical questions, a tumblr account where I post my deranged ramblings about certain ship pairings, then another account for posting in really niche communities that, unfortunately, harbor some wackos (MUD communities). 

I honestly think some separation is healthy. It's like that irl, no? You wouldn't walk into work, clock in and immediately tell your boss "I'm SO hungover, I'll probs slack all day LOL  ". You have a certain "you" in front of your boss, your coworkers, your teachers, etc. I think it's normal and healthy :) And if you meet people on certain sites and want them to know the "real" you (to know ALL sides of you), then yall can absolutely do that via emails or exchanging phone numbers! So the option is def still there 

[KibbehTheKib]

I get where you're coming from here. on one hand, it's cool to be able to show people the personal work you took time to make, and it's an easy way to let new people know what you're about. on the other hand, there's the issue of privacy and how much you really want to share.

personally, I got a lot of the "don't share anything about yourself online" talk growing up, so I've still got a lot of aversion to letting the online and offline world mix. there are also plenty of things I wouldn't want a total stranger knowing, like my queerness or some of my more niche hobbies. doesn't help that nowadays, it seems like employers pay more attention to social media than they used to (super invasive imo, but something to keep in mind!)

as for what you should do, I think it depends on what you're sharing online and whether you're comfortable sharing it with whoever might google your name. generally, though, it doesn't hurt to err on the side of caution if you're unsure. like seaslugufo said, you can always share your online details with someone you know offline (or vice versa) once you get to know them a bit! but, at the end of the day, it's your call to make - there's pros and cons to either approach :)

[ThunderPerfectWitchcraft]

All of my relatives and friends know about my site, but I don't think any of them is checking me up in-depth there - if they do, it ain't a problem for me - in real life, I'm much worse than I'm here .

I'm a bit careful about colleagues, as the whole profession I work in is sometimes a bit philistine, and some of them would think less of me, if they knew about the games and music that I make.

[Blue]

I think keeping things separate has always been a good thing for me. Most of irl people I know only use Instagram when it comes to socials so we follow each other there, though I haven't used my personal Instagram since 2019.

I've always been in fandom and writing fanfiction has been the thing I always do online, so I keep all of that separate since I do not think people seeing that would be the most fun thing with what I write.    only a few people are aware that I write but I've never shared my writing with them and don't plan to unless I maybe decide to consider writing original fiction at some point.

There's also an additional language barrier since I don't live in an English-speaking country, so most people have a harder time with things that aren't communication.

[Yoylecake420]

I keep my online life a secret to others because I don't want them to be involved in any drama I'm in or something.

[Nova]

There are some people that I am VERY selective talking to when it comes to my online life. My mom for example, I tell her if something's happened and whatnot and she offers as much comfort and reassurance as she can. My dad on the other hand, I don't bother, he was never an online person and his responses was always something along the lines of "don't take it all so seriously", so he's forever out of the loop for my online activities.

[Capybara]

I keep it separate, and I avoid aspects of online that can connect to real life (ex. Facebook, Instagram).

[JINSBEK]

I have an Instagram to follow local businesses and DJs, but I don't post on it, so even if I used my legal name on it, nobody would learn much about me. My Facebook is infrequently updated and I use that to stay on top of local events; there's always something happening in Minneapolis, and it's our& favourite way of finding out about community bike rides and other festivals. I don't really have anything on it that my employer would object to. (And if I did, I would change the privacy setting on that, duh.)

Everyone at my workplace knows I like to draw and I'm known for drawing cute, funny, and/or intricate pictures on everyone's birthday cards, so I wouldn't freak out if anyone looked at our art website? I mean, the website has our name on it. (We pride ourselves on being a local Minneapolis artist!) And the other essays we're going to put on it. We also have some other websites that other co-workers are aware about. Like, they think it's cool. So whatever? Also we have "advertisements" for our art website for a bunch of local bus stops (yes, these are and will be professionally installed by the city, it's pretty cool!) so again, the "separation" between "IRL" and "online life" makes no sense to us here. Local artist has website. Not a huge issue.

We have a bunch of Reddit accounts. One for Minneapolis in general (and we've basically quit using that because r/minneapolis seems to be infested by people who don't actually go outside in the actual city we live in, ew), one for our religion, another for our other religion. You can't really trace most of our Reddit accounts to our legal identity. ...Even if you did, all you'd find out is that we're very into religious studies.

I mean, you have to ask--why do you want to keep your online life separate from your IRL contacts? Like obviously if you're writing hardcore erotica yeah I'd understand that. And I guess if you're the kind of person who rants about politics in increasingly unhinged Tweets then you wouldn't want co-workers and employers to see that. But what I'm asking is--what do you do online that's so sensitive? Because you're asking "What's the best option?" when there IS no best option that fits everyone! Look, one of our old bosses was a rapper, everyone knows him by his artist name, he has a legal/bureaucratic name but that's not something that matters to anyone, only himself, and the Internal Revenue Service. In that case the "real" name is relevant to no one!

To be honest? We're& less concerned about people we know IRL giving us crap over things we do online (they actually think our stuff is pretty cool!), than online strangers giving us crap for... uh, literally existing lol. We keep our game developer pseudonyms separate because indie game dev has been a shit-show for some years now im&o. I'm far more interested in the IRL friends we can have a beer with and grill on the pool deck with, etc., than someone I vaguely know to have some shared interests but I have no idea about their level of human decency. I trust my co-workers, my neighbours, my bus buddies and favourite bus driver with my games (if they played them--not their thing) far more than I trust a Twitter or Discord rando to actually have. A. Human. Con. Ver. Sa. Tion. You know. Something meaningful and decent and engaging with a shared, pleasant, equal give-and-take and not just an Internet stranger hitting "Send" on strings of words for Internet clout? Yeah.

[Rosaria Delacroix]

I actively separate online life from real life, yes- though the decision to do so will depend on any individual's personal context, I think.

For my situation- I run in circles that tend to either veer highly religious, conservative, or generally look down upon particular characteristics or qualities to a person. For a little crumb of context: I was raised to always require a male chaperone if being being spoken to by a man- and to avert my gaze to the floor, rather than dare to look him in the eyes. We were not allowed personal mirrors, or to linger near communal ones for fear of vanity. Clothing was to be ideally, long skirts to the ankle, and sleeves to the wrists, layered- even in sweltering summer, as a young girl. That gives you an idea of the sort of high control context I was raised in.

They are not environments where rocking the boat would do very much good- and would indeed, come at great harm to myself, in situations where I have very little power to begin with. I have the privilege of being able to blend in, for the most part- I can pass as a heterosexual, cis woman: and to do so affords me a measure of safety and security I would not otherwise have access to. I can't as easily hide my disabilities or my ethnicity- but I scrape by.

It's exhausting, and it makes me profoundly sad and wistful when I see people who are brave enough to be openly queer, who are able to transition: I wish them the best, and I wish I could have that, too. I can't, though- it's not a pragmatic choice, (or in the case of medical transition, physically possible, due to my incredibly fragile health) and it's math I've long come to terms with summing. I do find fleeting joy when I'm in the anonymity of the city- and I have the ability to boy-mode: where I can shrug into androgyny freely, pleased when people mistake me for a young man, even if momentarily in the bleak winter light.

In online communities, I don't have to abide by such tight restrictions. I've taken a step back from some of my older work due to intense burnout: but it's been a fantastic venue for me to connect with other people in the LGBT community. I've written some suggestive stuff, sure- but the core of my art has been stories about people like me, living lives and loving their loves fiercely, unabashedly: wrapped up in reclaimed religious imagery, and making something beautiful out of desire that has been so often denigrated as monstrous. I can be ruthlessly myself- safely myself. I don't have to feel as much shame, or constrain myself in the confines of an identity that was never mine to begin with, no matter how hard I tried to force it to sit right- suffocating beneath the weight of the tiny, glittering gold crucifix wrapped tight around my neck.

It would blow up my life catastrophically if the two were to entwine- so I don't allow them to. It's been a deep comfort to me, to have friends who see me for who I am- who accept me as I come to them: without having to play pretend at the ghost of a girl whose name I still cringe away from.

[Paprika]

For a very very long time (since my teenage years I'd say) I wanted to be known both online and in real life. I wanted to be someone that we would recognize and say "OMG it's that person !!!" a bit like a movie star, I guess. So I often kept my aliases and nicknames close to my name in hope I'd become famous.

I made blogs and websites where I wasn't afraid of mixing up personal stuff and online stuff. Then came Facebook and I suddenly realized that thousands, if not millions of people could see who I am where I live and everything, and it scared the shit outta me.

I made a couple of personas for online after that, I got to see some people that became famous on youtube and stuff like this which made me jealous for a time but I also quickly saw that being a YouTube star meant barely any privacy in some cases. Seeing mothers doing videos with their childrens made me a bit uncomfortable, and I was happy to see that I wasn't displayed by my mom on a camero for everyone to see.

I kept trying to make a name with personas but it never worked and around 2018/2019 I realized that perhaps I wasn't made for this. I entered an anonymous consumer state of mind where I would only be a name in a youtube comment or on a profile. In 2023 with the arrival of Paprika I decided that I'd try one last time and I completely separated IRL from online because my everyday life is fulfilling and I like it as it is so I keep aside my web life.

Only two very good friends know about it and I told them because I trust them. They've been really supportive and it cemented my choice of separating Web from IRL. Most of the people I know wouldn't understand or would judge me for that whole Matchaprika Club thing and it's a real pleasure to cut from IRL a bit. It's like going through a door. I don't want to make both world collide that door is here to remember that I can go through it and that i(s okay to separate privacy from IRL.

I don't talk much with people in real life and one of my friends was amazed that I know so much about comic-books and they were surprised because I'm usually so quiet and discreet. My website also acts a bit like a personal therapy, If I feel bad, scrolling my website makes me realize that I enjoy doing this and that it's a better thing to do instead of just consuming content. Creation is really empowering I think.
   

[BlazingCobaltX]

I mean, you have to ask--why do you want to keep your online life separate from your IRL contacts? Like obviously if you're writing hardcore erotica yeah I'd understand that. And I guess if you're the kind of person who rants about politics in increasingly unhinged Tweets then you wouldn't want co-workers and employers to see that. But what I'm asking is--what do you do online that's so sensitive? Because you're asking "What's the best option?" when there IS no best option that fits everyone!

When I was a child I was bullied for my interests, both by family and peers, because they were the wrong interests. Back then, there was this certain obsession about being "normal" and only being a fan of very run-of-the-mill things (think Harry Potter and Friends). The moment people would clock you as a nerd in some capacity (be it gaming, anime, gothic?) you would be scrutinized by everybody. Case in point: My high school had a set friend group of "nerds" that everybody avoided and looked down upon.

I've always tried my hardest (except for one lapse in judgement when I was twelve) to separate my online persona from real life, always fearing that people would see the things I really liked and harass me even more over it than they already did. But as a result of this initial fear I have grown into being a very secretive person. I kinda didn't learn how to open up to people in real life about the things that matter to me, to the point where people ask me about my interests now and I just stay quiet. I know we're adults and the scrutiny - if there - will never be loud, but fear grips my throat regardless.
 
The online world was/is a place where I get to express my interests fully amongst similarly-minded people, with no fear of judgement. I have been comfortable sharing some personal information online: People online knowing stuff about me is fine, as long as people IRL can't trace me to my accounts in some way. Nowadays, with the website, I do ponder more on the things I should and shouldn't post. An example: I want to write elaborate travel blogs, but if I do that on my current website then it is kind of a self-doxx. So I'm wondering about alternatives, like creating an entirely new site for these posts (I do have a different username that I'm comfortable sharing with IRL folk).

My decision depends on this: Are people IRL really that preoccupied with finding my online presence that I should still fear my worlds crossing over? Logically, probably not, but I am not a logical being on this matter. Hiding myself from the people that know me has become my second nature.