describe your ideal partner!

[dim]

hey, everyone :)
whether romantic love is an important part of your life currently or not, whether you have specific ideas about how a relationship can look like for you or not, and regardless of your preferred number or type of partners - if you're someone who finds romantic love with another human being and enjoyable prospect, i believe it can be fun and truly beneficial to reflect on what your ideal, "dream" partner(s) (or even life partner!) would be like, in your conception at the moment. it can reveal a lot about your experiences, the values you prioritize, and to which extent you can or cannot compromise on certain aspects. perhaps it could even reveal traits you'd like to work on within yourself! it is thus i propose this exercise, and also out of sheer curiosity to hear what people say when asked about this, and how they fantasize!

this description can include whatever you think of: values, character traits, activities or interests you'd like to share or enjoy together, physical characteristics, the life phase they're in, how they'd act towards you, tendencies in their behavior are just some of the examples that come to mind. if a description of the 'ideal' sounds overwhelming to think about, or otherwise inconvenient for you, do feel free to adapt the format to something else, for example your minimum "criteria" for a partner, or split the description into "ideal but optional", "must-haves" and "deal-breakers", or whatever else floats your boat.

to make this even more fun (well, at least for me), i propose for those interested in participating not to read what the others have written before they complete their description as to not be influenced, and just to see what comes to their own mind as important, spontaneously! feel free to either post without having read others' descriptions, to write a post containing your spontaneous description followed by addendums inspired by others' posts, to fully ignore this suggestion, and anything in-between or tangential, haha.

that being said, it is only fair i begin with my own description of the ideal partner. admittedly, it is a bit muddled with what i consider my 'minimum', and i'm not entirely sure which is which for me, but it'll do! and i'll spoiler it in case people do like my suggestion above. also, please keep in mind my description contains vague references to 18+ topics.

Spoiler

my ideal / minimum ? partner as of now:

• loves me intensely, and expresses it frequently and in detail.
• appreciates words, communication, expression and connection at least nearly as much as me (they are my number one priority in a bond
• appreciates art in various ways, is somewhat artistic at least
• emotionally intelligent, mature. good coping skills, not cognitively rigid or highly reactive with no means to self-regulate.
• attentive, kind, no discriminatory views.
• does not consume porn and is either demisexual or at least does not prioritize executing any particular sex acts. cares about sex as a means to express love with me, not just for pleasure.
• introspective, strives to better themself, takes care of themself, has goals.
• notices and appreciates subtlety and details, processes things profoundly and communicates them verbosely more often than not. (so, also well-spoken and preferably at least somewhat educated)
• intelligent humor. curious nature.
• present-minded, not 'glued to their phone', wants to experience life.
• does not lie, or confesses immediately if a compulsive lie did occur.
• likes to surprise me and think about ways to brighten my day
• gets involved in my daily life and cares about my progress, is mindful about my wellbeing.
• optional: likes good cinema, meeting new people, music, learning new things, travel, and to dress in an expressive way.

[close]

enjoy!
- dim

[invader_gvim]

His name is Dib and he looks like

this

 

He's a real person and he is mine. I met him on the internet. He moved all the way across America from the West Coast to Appalachia to live with me and date me. We helped eachother with mental health issues and we still do. We got married when I was 18, as two AMAB people. He kept loving me when I became a girl. I went from looking like this...

to looking like this!

And as that happened he was wonderful and kept loving me the same amount.

Throughout my whole life so far he has always guided me to make the right decision, and given me a moral compass that I might not have had otherwise. It's usually him who reminds me to be courteous to others irl, to pay my debts, and to be responsible. With his advice I was able to break off from people who were bad for me, and leave a geographical region which was bad for everyone in it.

He has shown me so many classic movies like Metropolis and Nosferatu. He is very knowledgable about conspiracies and movies - both of which he has helped me to become familiar with.

He is indefatigable. I've never seen him give up before, and I'm pretty sure that it just isn't in his nature to do so. He used to walk two hours to and from our appartment just to work at McDonalds  because it was so important to him that we work together to pay bills.

He cares so much about freedom, and he wants everyone in the world to have the liberty to do whatever they want to, without being held down by a boss, laws, or social expectations. He has made his own value system that works for him. Even though sometimes I don't agree with everything he believes, I admire the fact that he just doesn't care what society expects him to believe.

He is a full head taller than me, and I'm actually very tall. He is very thin, with smooth tan skin and big brown eyes. He has a little voice and even though he is usually very quiet he can talk quickly when he has a burst of excitement or a flash of inspiration.

He spends his time researching and writing encyclopedias on his conspiracy theories, as well as finding cool things for us to go out and do in the big city in which we now call home. If it wasn't for him I'd never leave my apartment except to go to wal mart or do activism. He is the only reason that I ever think to do anything fun at all.

He cooks amazing amazing amazing food such as tika masala, curry, kung pao chicken, pepperkash chicken, enchiladas, and just so many foods that I could never make myself. It's all very flavorful and none of it was bland. Since I was raised by Ukrainians, I told him that I really don't like Eastern European food because its bland and noodle-y. He showed me that Eastern European food can be flavorful and that I actually had just never eaten that food made by someone who could cook. 

He introduced me to a lot of cool music that I had never heard of before! 

When he wants something he just takes it like a cat, and he is always focused on one thing whatever it is. I admire how he is driven, impulsive, cautious (not a contradiction!!), intelligent, and he never violates the set of principals that he invented for himself. I've never even once seen him compromise his values. 

He buys me flowers when I'm sad. It's his birthday today. I'm gonna take him to see a movie that I know he'll like.

Together we both share a state of probably perpetual poverty but with his help I will be able to still enjoy life.