why do you stay on the indie web?

[thecatscanvas]

I have created a site since I wanted to have a portfolio I could control of my art that I could send to people if needed. I joined this forum mostly to read advice on webcrafting.

Up to and including now, I have pretty much only interacted with this forum when I had a practical question, or wanted advice. Multiple times I have tried to respond to some of the more fun topics, but I don't feel comfortable. I have also been cutting down my website since beginning it, because any time I write about myself it feels uncomfortable to share. I'm considering chopping my site down again to only a series of images. I feel like in most cases I try to communicate with other people, I am misunderstood, so saying less is better. I have tried to add a Guestbook three times, and I always feel uncomfortable and take it back down. I have also tried to link to other peoples sites whose art I liked, and again felt like this would be wrong of me to do in some way. I am also debating taking things down and just saving things physically or as files so I don't have to worry about interacting with other people. It feels as if everyone else understands the rules of how to socialize pretty easily, but I don't understand, so I usually sit on the outside looking in. But it seems like its social etiquette here so be more social and link to other places on your site, so I worry people will perceive me as rude if I can't do it.

Given this, is the indie web somewhere worth staying in in this situation, or would it be better to disconnect further from the internet?

[haumeaGeth]

If I may be so bold, this sounds less like an issue with the indie web itself and more an issue with your confidence and self esteem.

As an autistic person, I've struggled a lot in my life to understand etiquette and social rules. I've made a lot of blunders and unintentionally ruffled a lot of feathers. But the thing is, there are no real consequences. Nobody's going to literally tear your arm off for hotlinking if you didn't know hotlinking is rude.

The indie web in particular is very laid back. There are no rules to how you build your site or what you share about yourself. There is no pressure to be social. You don't have to link anything you don't want to, nobody really cares. You don't even have to have a website at all if you don't really want to. There are plenty of guides on indie web etiquette, but it's also perfectly okay to ask questions, and it's perfectly okay to make mistakes.

Maybe ask yourself why you feel uncomfortable with the things you described. Did someone say something that made you hesitate? If so, why does that matter to you? Or, if you genuinely don't want to engage in certain aspects just because you don't wanna, then you simply don't have to!

The purpose of the indie web is self expression and taking control back from corporations. That's it. Do whatever you want forever, yo, and if the indie web just isn't a space you feel comfy in, then that's cool too.

(Quick edit: I don't think social isolation is a good idea though. If you're thinking about disconnecting entirely just because you feel like you don't fit in, that's not healthy, and I'd encourage you to do some therapy, either with a professional or on your own with careful research.)

[Skykristal]

Do what is comfortable for you. If you feel uncomfortable sharing certain things on your site, then don't. Remember, nobody forces you to do something and it's entirely up to you what you publish. The indie web is about fun, self-expression, and experimentation.  You dont need to engage and link to stuff if you don't want to.

I also don't do a bunch of things I've seen around because I don't feel or like them. I'm mostly in the indie web because I like art, characters, web design, exploring and sharing the things I'm passionate about. And similar to you, sending stuff over. My primary focus is what I enjoy,  not what others expect from me. I however,  deleted topics or pages out of pure discomfort before.  Especially negative ones.  Negativity is the topic that makes me the most uncomfortable,  especially when I give my opinion on it. So I started excluding it from my online activity as much as possible.  (Does not include occasional vents in my status updates lol) and it made me enjoy the indie web more.

[starbreaker]

I still run my own website because I find it therapeutic. I've been doing it since I turned 18 in 1996, and I don't mean to stop until I'm killed by death. There are ideas and sentiments I have no business expressing in the "real world" under my "real name" if I want to hold down a job, pay my bills, and not be homeless and destitute. As long as you need to be employable in America, you aren't actually free.

But on the web I don't have to be just the person I appear to be at work. Running a personal website under a pseudonym with a disclaimer stating that nothing I say represents my employers' views, I can be more than that. I can be extra. I can let my hair down. I can let my Jungian shadow out to play. I can express all of the opinions and sentiments I might otherwise keep to myself.

I can publish my fiction and opinions without needing to ask permission of an agent, editor, or publisher. Because I'm paying my own hosting and domain rental fees, and it costs me less per year than my FFXIV subscription, I am under no obligation to write for a market. I can write from the heart, and am limited by no external authority besides US defamation law.

I can link to anybody or anything I please. Or I can specify a URL without linking to it and say, "This person expresses ideas I find distasteful, and if you find these ideas distasteful as well you might want to avoid this website." Hell, I do that when I see that somebody is using Substack with a custom domain.

The only real rule of the indie web is this: your website, your rules. Your website isn't a platform for everybody else unless you make it so. Otherwise, it's a publication where you are the sole writer and the editor-in-chief. On the indie web, you can be who you choose to be. I choose to be a Fireclown.

Who will you be? Who could you be, if you understood that you don't anybody anything, least of all their idea of "authenticity" or "being social"?

[Cele]

I have also been cutting down my website since beginning it, because any time I write about myself it feels uncomfortable to share. I'm considering chopping my site down again to only a series of images. I feel like in most cases I try to communicate with other people, I am misunderstood, so saying less is better.

Straight out of my mouth. :') To some extent I've got to admit that the nature of life is that not all people are going to be nice and agreeable, regardless of the community or space, and indieweb is not any different to any other space in this sense. Still, from my experience people tend to be mostly friendly in guestbooks and such. But there is no rule stating you'd even need to have any guestbook or link list on your site.

As I feel some similar feelings, I've simply abadoned the whole "personal website" idea. It feels a bit unfair like, other people can share their selfies and hometowns while I am too anxious to share my Spotify Wrapped in case someone is going to track me down utilizing it or whatever. But because I have strong interests in specific topics, I've simply elected to make my websites focus on said topics, and leave details about myself to a minimum.

[thecatscanvas]

As I feel some similar feelings, I've simply abadoned the whole "personal website" idea. It feels a bit unfair like, other people can share their selfies and hometowns while I am too anxious to share my Spotify Wrapped in case someone is going to track me down utilizing it or whatever. But because I have strong interests in specific topics, I've simply elected to make my websites focus on said topics, and leave details about myself to a minimum.

I might opt to do something more like your site, then.

Sharing about themselves and what they enjoy is great for other people, but I don't think it is possible for me. Even though I know nothing bad will happen, it makes me feel like I am in danger even when I close my computer.

[thecatscanvas]

Maybe ask yourself why you feel uncomfortable with the things you described. Did someone say something that made you hesitate? If so, why does that matter to you? Or, if you genuinely don't want to engage in certain aspects just because you don't wanna, then you simply don't have to!

The purpose of the indie web is self expression and taking control back from corporations. That's it. Do whatever you want forever, yo, and if the indie web just isn't a space you feel comfy in, then that's cool too.

(Quick edit: I don't think social isolation is a good idea though. If you're thinking about disconnecting entirely just because you feel like you don't fit in, that's not healthy, and I'd encourage you to do some therapy, either with a professional or on your own with careful research.)

I feel uncomfortable because giving others information over me gives them power over me/to hurt me. And during the times I do really want to be social, it is such a difficult and confusing task it usually leaves me feeling worse to try. Aside from this completely, I want to share my art more anonymously, and be a faceless nameless creator.

I know wanting to disconnect from the world isn't considered healthy, but I often feel more unhealthy when I try and fail to connect with other people, because it makes it obvious how much I am not a "real person" like they are. I have in the past and currently am in therapy, since you expressed concern.

[arcus]

I was in a similar situation to you. Years ago I would share my art publicly, but I stopped. I felt pressure over artists silently judging my art, and people who enjoyed my art being nice to me because solely because they liked my art. I wanted me as a person and my art to stand on their own without influencing the other.

I simply don't post my art here. I post it elsewhere under another alias. If I get to know someone here and it comes up, sure, I'm fine with sharing it.

There's no one way to have a site. The whole point is that you can put whatever you want on it. If you don't feel comfortable being personal, you don't have to be. If you wanted to, you can share your personal posts under another alias elsewhere, and keep your art separate.

Don't isolate yourself, but don't force yourself to be uncomfortable either.

[TheFrugalGamer]

I feel uncomfortable because giving others information over me gives them power over me/to hurt me. And during the times I do really want to be social, it is such a difficult and confusing task it usually leaves me feeling worse to try. Aside from this completely, I want to share my art more anonymously, and be a faceless nameless creator.

I have found that I felt his way in the past when I was not in safe living conditions, and shortly after when I was still feeling the effects of it. I hope that you are not dealing with the same issues as I was, but if so, then I sincerely hope things get better for you. Your subconscious telling you about danger is doing that for a reason, and I think it's wise to listen to it. In my personal experience, even when I wasn't in danger, there were times when my brain would tell me I was, and on later reflection I realized I simply did not have the bandwidth at the time to really deal with anything complicated. I was so stressed out and tired that trying to navigate things that would normally only be a "little bit" stressful became monumental tasks. After some reflection, I was glad that I had kept some distance when things scared me, because it would have made it more difficult for me to heal.

Which isn't to say that I'm encouraging isolation, as that can be detrimental too. Healing from emotional damage can be a bit like having an open cut on your knee. Don't touch it too much! You don't want to agitate the skin and make things worse, even if it's out of concern! But at the same time, you don't just let it bleed everywhere--you doctor it with some good medicine and cover it to keep it protected. One day, you'll be able to remove that bandage and run around like normal again.

As others have said, there are no rules for personal sites. I like to keep mine focused on hobbies and stay away from the personal stuff, and that's perfectly valid. There are also a lot of people here who don't have personal websites, and that's fine too! You don't have to be a webmaster if you don't want to :)

[thecatscanvas]

That is a very good point, its probably due to living situation. I left my childhood home years ago, but in the years since have been homeless or in housing insecurity, and I almost lost my apartment two months ago when my roommate died. Taking a break might be a good idea.