Amatonormativity - "One True Love"

[dotmidi]

Amatonormativity
As a polyamorous queer person, I've experienced both the heteronormative and mononormative worlds throughout my life.  It's a steep slope when your entire identity struggles against "the default".  I'd been brave enough to enter into a very fleeting short-lived relationship...  One that I knew would end before the summer, and--something people don't realize about Polyamory--is that no matter how many relationships you go through or have, the heartbreak will remain the same. No matter how small or brief a relationship is,  it will leave a sting in my heart since I value all of them.

The entire experience had left me with a lot of emotions, as well as thoughts on amatonormativity, the widespread assumption that everyone is better off in a monogamous, romantic (and sexual! if we include allonormativity as well) relationship.  This is prevalent in literature, films, societal standards, and even legal systems.  We are taught from a young age that "finding the one" is one of our most important life goals.  Why are we expected to view romantic love as the pinnacle of achievement? Consider the "relationship escalator" we're all expected to ride: meet someone, go on dates, become exclusive, move in together, get married, merge money, and possibly have children.  The entire sequence is not only normalized; it is treated as the default.  If you don't do those things, others will believe something is wrong with your relationship.
In modern society, the presumption is that if you're not in a romantic relationship, you're either looking for one or missing out.

What is lost in all of this is the importance of our non-romantic connections, such as close friendships, queerplatonic partnerships, chosen families, or just self-fulfillment.  These connections can be equally valuable, supportive, and long-lasting, but they are rarely handled with the same level of respect and attention.

Don't get me wrong; romantic love is beautiful and meaningful to many individuals.  I am one of those people--and an extremely ideally romantic person--but I believe that the discussion of whether it is healthy or fair to expect this to be everyone's ultimate aim in life --finding "the one"-- is needed because not everyone wants that type of connection.  Some people are Aromantic, have different relationship styles, prioritize friendships, or have spent their entire lives being told that they are "incomplete" without a partner.
 I wanted to start an open discussion on anyone's experiences fighting back against amatonormativity, or simply general relationship experiences trying to resist society pressure to conform to the standard.