I was not built for instant comunication

[glitterpigeon]

everyone wants to talk to me. all the time. and while I love talking to people, something about the fact that people expect me to respond to them all the time freaks me out big time! I've never been the type to struggle to put down my phone. I am notoriously hard to text. I will disappear into the woods for hours at a time and barely even respond to my closest of friends and loved ones every day.

I was built for letters. it is so much more intuitive to me, and allows me to have much more consistent contact with people. (though i struggle with writing by hand due to my learning disability :/). I love modern technology and all that it has done for us but I can't stand that I'm expected to be instantly accessible and even more, I kind of hate that people will respond to me immediately after I text them. at least wait half an hour! I don't want to be all I was born in the wrong generation technology sucks about this cause that's not true, but I have started writing letters to my friends and it's great.

I can send them little gifts, I don't have the anxiety of the instant response. I can disappear for a week and it's fine. there's excitement. anticipation. the immortalizing of my life onto paper, rather than digital impermanence. I can't text you pressed flowers or pretty food packaging or a bookmark or a cool leaf I found. and it really makes me less anxious cause I was not built for texting and I have never really liked doing it and now I am free. partially. a little bit.

I also am considering getting into mail art (starting with my secret project.....)

[xwindows]

I was built for letters. it is so much more intuitive to me, and allows me to have much more consistent contact with people. (though i struggle with writing by hand due to my learning disability :/). I love modern technology and all that it has done for us but I can't stand that I'm expected to be instantly accessible and even more

Would like asynchronous communication but got difficulty with writing by hand? A solution is simple and low tech: Just Use Email (TM)

^ Also disable automatic mail check in your email client; only check it manually once a day or less.

Email is a good fence to shield your private space from the crazy life with haunting notifications, FOMO allure, and all those social-control pressure to be always wired/wireless-connected. You can write offline idly in dozens of "pointless" drafts that you might eventually decide not to send, and no one would be the wiser of what you were thinking (1). Replying to non-business email after a week or even a month doesn't require you to apologize for your delay.

And among digital communication formats, email's track record in permanence beaten virtually all other digital competitors to dust. Email actually exist as file, and that file format had been portable and could be exported/imported among virtually every email clients and services for at least 30 years now. One can import email files from 30 years ago into today's email client, and they will read fine as if no time had passed.

But that was just a digital thing I would like to mention...


(1) Including your own email provider, when you configured your email client to store emails/drafts offline.

[xwindows]

the immortalizing of my life onto paper, rather than digital impermanence. I can't text you pressed flowers or pretty food packaging or a bookmark or a cool leaf I found. and it really makes me less anxious

Well, if you were rather looking at physical correspondence media for these reasons, that's okay too. Human's brain operate on 5 senses, and more number of senses you invoke when you're doing something, it will make such event (or stuff) more immersing and memorable for you and others involved. (1) Making things in physical format shows your effort, and when done well, impress people much better than "virtual" stuff.

I remembered back in my high school days, I did a slide presentation about famous paintings and their history in an art class; and that required a copy of presentation files to be handed in, in a form of CD. I was not suave enough to have an inkjet printer with CD labeling tray at home(2), so I crafted my own template for a cut-and-fold CD envelope in a graphics editing software I was familiar with, and arranged painting images from the slide like a collage all over it in various level of darkening, then put some simple text description over it.

Then I went to a nearby copyshop and printed it in color on a glossy paper, cut, and glued it together; then proceed to slip a very cheap-looking burned CD-R with marker-written label inside. Despite a relatively cheap cost, and the fact that it was done to hide the "bland" look of media inside; it looked very much like something made with utmost care (or even professional in many people's eye). The art teacher had a double-take (3) when receiving the disc from me. Piled on the desk with other hand-ins (including ones with proper inkjet-printed label but in plain transparent jewel case!), it simply blew them out of the water.

I did the same thing when I handed in a software project assignment back in college as well. Despite it being an even cheaper gray lineart (4) with text overlaid in word processor, laser-printed at home on a plain white card stock cut-and-folded into CD envelope, designed to conceal the cheap look of marker-labeled CD-R inside as usual; it managed to emanate a strong semblance to a manual/software disc enclosed in commercially-sold electronics gadgets... (5)

Normally, handed-in discs and their associated printed reports would lay quietly on the professor's desk until he had time to look at them. But as soon as I handed in my printed report (sporting a matching artwork on the cover) with this envelope on the top... the professor's curiosity instantly got better of him. He fished the envelope up, flipped it around, flipped it back, felt it around, flipped it around again, opened it, fished the disc out, slipped the disc back in, closed it, flipped it back again, and stared at its front intensely for a bit more.

Other lab assistants couldn't help but stare as well; and eventually they came around to take their own look and feel of this "mystic package". Except giddy smiles there and then, no one said anything, but I could more or less read it from their expression that they perceived that "this is a sign of quality".

Even that the reality inside was just an alpha-quality software (typical of college assignments) consisted of dozen Perl scripts duct-taped together; the first impression was already won.

Physical impression has more impact than most people these days would give it credit for; so good luck with your endeavor. Writing these posts also make me think of considering getting into marker-based CD art when I have time now...

P.S. For others reading, I might as well toss some books here:

• David Sax, "The Revenge of Analog - Real Things and Why They Matter"; Public Affairs, USA, 2016; ISBN 978-1-61039-571-7.
• Cal Newport, "Digital Minimalism - On Living Better with Less Technology"; Penguin Business, UK, 2019; ISBN 978-0-241-34113-1.
• Susan Cain, "Quiet - The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking"; Crown, USA, 2013; ISBN 978-0-141-02919-1.

(1) You might have heard of a memory hack which involve you trying to remember things by imagining visual, audible, spatial, or even linguistic relationship between along with them. I often use a trick which I would remember the visual path to each item to buy in a supermarket, to help me remember a long shopping list.

(2) Inkjet printer is also a fickle device in general; if you weren't using them often enough, maintenance effort and cost often don't worth it.

(3) That double-take quickly made way for a giddy expression that someone would sport when gifted with a pricey gadget and couldn't wait to show that to others people.

(4) I drawn it myself this time.

(5) Many discs enclosed in actual electronics gadget box in reality look even more drab than this-- usually just a plain paper sleeve with transparent window to see an equally-drab disc with just text screened on then.

[3lsie]

I can definitely relate to this! I find the need to be constantly available really stressful, but personally I'm also bad at totally unplugging because I worry I'll miss an emergency, even though in reality I'm sure someone would be able to contact me somehow.

I joined a virtual pen pal app, but I found that I didn't really enjoy it - the virtual letters came slower than text but faster than they would take in real life post, so it still felt a bit fast, and it's just not as satisfying with it being digital, plus at the time it ended up feeling like another obligation rather than something fun. Maybe it's because there's nothing tangible, so it doesn't really feel exciting to receive.

I love that you've started sending letters to your friends with gifts and cool finds! That sounds really joyful and like they'd be a treat to write and receive.

Luckily, one of my friends did start sending holiday postcards over the past couple of years, so I started doing the same for them, and now we send/receive post cards each time one of us is on holiday! I'm so glad they started doing that because honestly it was something that wasn't really on my radar before, and now it's so fun!

[Rosaria Delacroix]

This is sort of amusing, because I'm very much so the opposite- I love the feeling of constant connection, and often scroll through old messages just to remind myself of conversations I've had with my loved ones: but my older brother is like this. He attributes it to having come of age in a time prior to the internet, where he'd just go out and mess around in the woods or read silently all day, and we've had to learn to come to a compromise of sorts. He's the kind of guy to forget his phone in his house entirely and drop off the face of the planet for three days, and I'm the kind of person who freaks the hell out if I forget where in the kitchen I've placed my phone- though, to be fair, that is also partially because the financial penalty for spilling hot soup on it accidentally would be cringe inducing. So we both give a little, and take a little, in terms of what mode of communication would be ideal.

It was a minor point of contention for us earlier on- though we've since worked through it. Open, clear communication and setting the ground rules and boundaries in a safe, calm setting has been super helpful there. My anxieties were especially rubbed raw with a recent, disastrous, life altering event: and I'd urge anyone to make sure that they have at least one emergency contact who is aware of deviations in your normal routine, even if you do love going for long drives at night or wandering in the woods: it saved my brother's life.

Writing letters back and forth has been helpful to us, as well as establishing a code word for check ins. We both get super reclusive when we're in a bad way, but we have a little phrase which we can say to one another and immediately know that 'I'm fine, I'm not in any danger, but I need to be by myself for a little while- I still love you and will circle back ASAP when I'm able and have the bandwidth to,' and that's been very reassuring.

We both also make an effort to communicate when we'll be out of touch, such as being low spoons, or work getting busy, and schedule when we might need the reassurance of talking or seeing one another- especially after big life events or something particularly disruptive. And if something dire is dropped down into our laps: we know that the other will push through the discomfort of it not really being the best timing to see to each other's needs, because we're ride and dies. We both respect each other enough to not push that too far, because we care for each other's wellbeing, and it's something special to the two of us because we've been through hell and highwater together.

Of course, it is different from most of my other relationships- because we're siblings, and very close. We are who other people will immediately shake down for information on, if the other is missing in action or there's reason to suspect something has happened to them, because of course the other one would know what's up, and that we'd be the first people we would contact if we did manage to get the means to post disaster. But I think an open dialog and respectful discussion of what will work for everyone involved is useful to have in any relationship, and hopefully your loved ones love and care about you enough to also be willing to meet you halfway.

[musicobsessed107]

This is sort of amusing, because I'm very much so the opposite- I love the feeling of constant connection, and often scroll through old messages just to remind myself of conversations I've had with my loved ones: but my older brother is like this. He attributes it to having come of age in a time prior to the internet, where he'd just go out and mess around in the woods or read silently all day, and we've had to learn to come to a compromise of sorts. He's the kind of guy to forget his phone in his house entirely and drop off the face of the planet for three days, and I'm the kind of person who freaks the hell out if I forget where in the kitchen I've placed my phone- though, to be fair, that is also partially because the financial penalty for spilling hot soup on it accidentally would be cringe inducing. So we both give a little, and take a little, in terms of what mode of communication would be ideal.

I'm the same way as your brother here even as a young adult who came of age quite recently. I think many people nowadays seem to forget that we all need a break at least every once in a while and the fact that people have lives and things to that don't involve always checking for new messages. Just because we have the technology to always be reachable doesn't mean that we should let ourselves always be reachable and it's alright to call or text someone back later unless it's an emergency or something. I'll answer my cellphone when I damn well feel like it because at the end of the day, it's supposed to be serving me, not serving other people.

[mothpanic]

uff, too true. I remember a little while back when the idea of receiving, and consequently having to respond to instant messages would overwhelm me to the point of hiding my phone from me and wanting to yell at notifications (man I don’t know either). everything really is too fast nowadays, and I say that as someone who grew up with the internet and social media. Ive never known any different and I hate that. it’s severely dampened my real-life relationships.

isn’t moving to tactile things as opposed to software becoming a little more fashionable now? Im not sure about letters specifically, but I know books and mp3 players as opposed to e-books and streaming, for example, are growing in people my age. maybe we’re all getting fed up.

you’ve put it all perfectly, although I still can’t imagine how leaving for ‘hours at a time’ is too long…?

[Skykristal]

Yeah, I can relate to this very well as well. I do like modern technology and how quick and easy things have become to access, but I can't help but feel stressed out. This is exactly why I love email, rather than chat clients like Dicord or Telegram. It stresses me out so much and I refuse to look at the notification I just got and only respond hours later most of the time.
Physical mail is a great thing and very personal and fun to receive, but I don't have the energy for it to send it out myself.

[ABlueRose]

Messaging people is sometimes nice, but I agree that it can be really overwhelming. I'm wanting to get into letter-writing, and have started by sending my family birthday cards! There also isn't the pressure to instantly respond with letters, it really stresses me out when people can see I'm online, or even when I'm typing, because I have trouble figuring out my words sometimes. And letter-writing has a bonus, where you can doodle little things on the paper!

[solbeth]

I'm the same way as your brother here even as a young adult who came of age quite recently. I think many people nowadays seem to forget that we all need a break at least every once in a while and the fact that people have lives and things to that don't involve always checking for new messages. Just because we have the technology to always be reachable doesn't mean that we should let ourselves always be reachable and it's alright to call or text someone back later unless it's an emergency or something. I'll answer my cellphone when I damn well feel like it because at the end of the day, it's supposed to be serving me, not serving other people.

i could not agree more. a lot of problems with modern communication and instant messaging stem from the lack of boundaries and not knowing how to set them. people who keep looking at their phones, who always have notifications on, their phone never on silent mode will feel like they are bombarded with information because that's exactly what they are allowing to happen.

i personally answer messages, comments, e-mails etc. only when i have the time, space and capacity to do so. there are times when i answer instantly, especially during interesting conversations, but it will never consume my every waking moment. people that are pressed about not answering instantly exist, yes, but their demands are none of my concern. my friends have similar feelings towards messaging to mine, so i've never had to deal with dramatics of 'oh my god why haven't you answer me yet/left me on read/etc!!!'. it's actually pretty easy to create this enviornment for yourself, the options are there, basically any messenger can have notifications turned off or tweaked in some way to be less annoying and if someone is your true friend, they will hear you out when you talk about your anxieties of constant communication.