Who do you consider an "online friend"

[MediocreMetastasis]

I've been thinking about this ever since my IRL friends talked about flying out to meet their online friends in person. I've never really considered anyone I've met online as a friend. Most likely because I'm so introverted I've never really tried to talk to people online long term. I actually think people on this forum is the longest I've kept contact with.

So, do you consider an online friend someone who you've talked to a couple of times or someone you knew for years?

[CATBYTE]

i like this question.

a majority of my friends are people who i've met online, some of which i've had the pleasure of meeting in person. notably i met my partner online around 8 years ago and we just moved in together recently. the relationships i've formed through the internet are really invaluable to me.

i'm also a furry, so often times there is a good amount of cross-over between talking to someone online either randomly or before an event and then just seeing them in person at a convention. these online conversations can sometimes lead to friendships i probably wouldn't have otherwise made, which is a super cool part about con culture.

i'd consider the threshold for friendship in any context, online or meatspace to be when there's an active effort to engage from both parties, (this can take many forms). i feel it's almost easier to tell online as due to the lack of proximity, more effort is required to maintain bonds. i used to play a lot of online games, particularly mmos, which i feel can fast-track a friendship as they're often built around shared social experiences with some sort of timed element (e.g. "weeklies").

without repeated exposure it's very easy for online friendships to eventually grow distant (just like meatspace), although i will say i have many friends in which we only talk about twice a year and it still feels like we're as close as ever. it depends on communication styles/preferences too.

[fairyrune]

i'm autistic, so i find it can be a bit hard to define what a friend is both online and in real life. but i've come to understand it this way, in the context of the way i personally socialise: if i'd seek them out on my own in any way for a conversation, then they're my friend! even if we don't talk for a long time, if we still pop in to see each other, that is friendship. this can also apply to real life as well.

i remember when i was in school. a lot of talk in those days was about facebook friends, and even then i never really understood the idea. people were equating friendship, actual bonds, to just clicking a button online. for me, the difference between a "friend" as a digital status - a line of code - say, on melonland or other forums, and a "friend" with a personal shared bond is that a coded-friend is somebody i would like to connect with, and a bonded-friend is one i already have connected with.

that's a lot of words, but i hope it makes sense! and of course, my coded-friends on the forum aren't necessarily not ones i have bonds with. a boxer is a kind of dog, but not all dogs are boxers.

friendship also is a bit of a short word to define a relationship by. i've talked to people for a few days and considered them friends, but i also have friends i've known for over 8 years now. so i think that question is a bit difficult to answer... it can be both!

a majority of my friends are people who i've met online, some of which i've had the pleasure of meeting in person. notably i met my partner online around 8 years ago and we just moved in together recently. the relationships i've formed through the internet are really invaluable to me.

by the way, congratulations! my partner is a long time online friend of mine as well! we knew each other for a few years before dating. i love that the internet exists for this reason; i can bond with people i would never have met before. i know sometimes people bemoan its existence, especially in its current state (preaching to the choir here, i feel...!) but this is one of its strongest benefits. there are amazing people out there to meet.

[hikatamika]

I've been thinking about this a lot lately.

Throughout my time online, what I've considered to be internet friends are people who seek me out beyond our main area of convenient contact. Those being old web forums, YouTube comments, MMO games, social media platforms, etc. Everyone I've ever considered to be an internet friend took things to AIM/MSN messenger → Skype → Discord → Whatever'll-Hopefully-Replace it.

Everyone I've ever considered to be an internet friend has also broadened our conversations and interactions from our main common interest into other things that only one of us is interested in (yet), or just into each other's lives, thoughts, emotions, goals, and wellbeing.

I feel like over time, culturally, netizens have become less likely (or at least more specific, in) taking interactions off of convenient and fast-moving platforms and into spaces where they can be nurtured into what I'd call actual online friendships. I've found myself being lazier/shyer about it as well. I'm trying to psych myself into making up for it by being the first person to tell people online that I like my interactions with them and would like to have more somewhere else.

i'm autistic, so i find it can be a bit hard to define what a friend is both online and in real life.

(🤝 Me too.) I relate to this a lot… I find that I don't specifically refer to someone, online or IRL, as my "friend" unless they say so first (and I feel the same way as them). I struggle to understand where I stand with people socially.

[BlazingCobaltX]

What a coincidence to see this thread. While writing the most recent post for my website I threw away half my draft that was about my gripes with modern internet spaces and why I struggle to make friends in them. Guess I can repurpose that draft into this post.

I met my best friend of 14 years through a forum and have had many other friendships as I moved through fandoms and websites. I consider online people friends when we are capable of talking beyond the topic that initially connected us. And now for my rant: I think the internet moving to places like Discord and Instagram has made this harder.

Back on a forum (or even on a slower blogging platform), you could observe users without having to jump into conversations yourself. Forums feel like a town where you can walk around and get to know people casually and, if interested, eventually strike up a convo about whatever. There isn't much pressure to immediately dive into talking, which is definitely what I feel on Discord. Yes, I've made friends on Discord, but once the common ground between me and them dissipated there was little that connected us. Unlike on a forum, I couldn't really observe what they were doing outside of our conversations, couldn't get to know them beyond a niche. So I agree with Catbyte there.

I completely acknowledge that I may be an exception here, because I know plenty of people that have managed to foster thriving communities on Discord and TikTok. Something about direct chats with anyone but my immediate friends feel immensely awkward and ad-hoc to me. I much prefer a slower mode of communication that doesn't feel awkward the moment a conversation runs its natural course. It's been a few years since I kind of stopped going out of my way to make online friends because a lot of the convos I was having just felt too whimsical and not something to build further upon.

The indie web has returned this feeling of the 'slow internet' to me. Despite not talking to anyone specific daily or really having made friends, I do consider both this forum and Neocities communities I am part of. I feel more comfortable than before to reach out to people and see what happens. Maybe I just hate DMs too much lol.

[villiersterrace]

If I connect to them in the same way I connect with my irl friends. I call my online friend almost every day. We've sent each other stuff in the mail. I've seen her face on call a few times. I talk to her more than I've talked to people I considered friends in real life, so I think we're friends. That being said, I don't usually consider people I talk to on the internet friends unless I talk to them a lot and know they're who they say they are. There have been points in my life where I've had a lot of online "friends" and I view those points negatively. Hanging out with people irl is the better option, but it's not always an option.