Dear trans people, what are some things you would like the cis to know?

[Sofly]

One small, simple thing

No, the comics and viral videos you're used to aren't true, 98% of the time trans people react either by going "oh, i'm actually [gender]" or ignoring you completely, they don't form a ruckus and start screaming at you

[Yaya]

Hi everyone! I’m transfeminine non-binary, always open to questions or discussing my experience! There are certain narratives or discussions, though, that I'm just not willing to have. If anyone tries to invalidate my identity, suggest I’m brainwashed, or doomed to hell, I probably won't engage with you. Also, I don't entertain debates over chromosomes, birth genitals, or sports participation—people pushing these topics often don’t actually care about understanding.

I do martial arts, where there's a lengthy 30-page book on hormone testing and strict guidelines for trans women participating. But guess what? It's rarely used, which makes you wonder why there's such a big focus on this when we know the science. My family, friends, therapist, and multiple doctors all support me, seeing this as part of a process that makes me happier and healthier. I trust their support way more than the opinions of strangers. I can make my own decisions about hormones; it's not all or nothing. If you're really curious, talk to an endocrinologist or a gender therapist.

Recently, I was in a restaurant and overheard a group of girls discussing one of their siblings transitioning male to female. One of the girls was against it, not because she disapproved, but because she worried about how mean the world would be. That might be true, but kindness can start with you.

Throughout my transition, I've faced moments of pure hatred just for existing, but also moments of profound tenderness, kindness, and love.

From a practical standpoint, respecting someone’s pronouns is not a political statement—it’s respecting a human right to identity and personhood.

Also, the terminology is changing; 'male-to-female' and 'female-to-male' are not really appropriate anymore. It focuses on a binary switch, which doesn’t reflect most trans people’s experiences. We're seeing more recognition for nonbinary identities, with terms like AMAB and AFAB evolving to 'my AGAB was Male or Female' to be more inclusive.

Most people I meet think it's pretty cool and are supportive, even if they find it a bit weird, and that's fine! If I'm at a restaurant or a store, I'm not making a political statement; I’m just living my life. Being trans is one of the most authentic parts of who I am, allowing me to live without filters.

Finally, remember, when people complain about trans individuals being difficult, my roommate always asks: "Are they over 25 and do they have a job?" Because often, they're just dealing with teenagers being teenagers, not something specific to being trans. Most trans adults are just like anyone else.

Rock on 🤘

[Misanthropic Monster™]

Hi everyone! I’m transfeminine non-binary, always open to questions or discussing my experience! There are certain narratives or discussions, though, that I'm just not willing to have. If anyone tries to invalidate my identity, suggest I’m brainwashed, or doomed to hell, I probably won't engage with you. Also, I don't entertain debates over chromosomes, birth genitals, or sports participation—people pushing these topics often don’t actually care about understanding.

I do martial arts, where there's a lengthy 30-page book on hormone testing and strict guidelines for trans women participating. But guess what? It's rarely used, which makes you wonder why there's such a big focus on this when we know the science. My family, friends, therapist, and multiple doctors all support me, seeing this as part of a process that makes me happier and healthier. I trust their support way more than the opinions of strangers. I can make my own decisions about hormones; it's not all or nothing. If you're really curious, talk to an endocrinologist or a gender therapist.

Recently, I was in a restaurant and overheard a group of girls discussing one of their siblings transitioning male to female. One of the girls was against it, not because she disapproved, but because she worried about how mean the world would be. That might be true, but kindness can start with you.

Throughout my transition, I've faced moments of pure hatred just for existing, but also moments of profound tenderness, kindness, and love.

From a practical standpoint, respecting someone’s pronouns is not a political statement—it’s respecting a human right to identity and personhood.

Also, the terminology is changing; 'male-to-female' and 'female-to-male' are not really appropriate anymore. It focuses on a binary switch, which doesn’t reflect most trans people’s experiences. We're seeing more recognition for nonbinary identities, with terms like AMAB and AFAB evolving to 'my AGAB was Male or Female' to be more inclusive.

Most people I meet think it's pretty cool and are supportive, even if they find it a bit weird, and that's fine! If I'm at a restaurant or a store, I'm not making a political statement; I’m just living my life. Being trans is one of the most authentic parts of who I am, allowing me to live without filters.

Finally, remember, when people complain about trans individuals being difficult, my roommate always asks: "Are they over 25 and do they have a job?" Because often, they're just dealing with teenagers being teenagers, not something specific to being trans. Most trans adults are just like anyone else.

Rock on 🤘

That was the most beautifully articulated set of paragraphs on this topic I've read. As a transmasc non-binary person, I appreciate that society is slowly evolving to recognise gender identities outside of the binary more. There is definitely progression where I live compared to how things were when I was growing up in the '80s - back then when I'd talk about my gender identity I was often shut down or laughed at, or told I was just 'confused' or 'going through a phase' but that is just who I've always been.

The bit you said about respecting someone’s pronouns not being a political statement—but respecting a human right to identity and personhood is the most real and true thing.

[Plasmon]

Ok, so don't let me speak for all trans women—I'm just one, but there are a few things I've picked up on.

• Don't speak to journalists about us. I know that sounds like a weird thing to request for anyone, but since you're an ally, we expect you to be a friend as well—friends don't spill the beans on anything. (I'm mostly bringing this up because there's some journalists from The Guarian going around asking about DIY HRT and stuff.)
• In my personal opinion, it's best practice to just say "trans" instead of "transgender" or "transsexual," since I've heard both of the terms in common use.
• Think about gender in as a set G = {(x₁, x₂,..., x_p) | x_n ∈ ℝ^gobbledygook}. Gender is complicated and weird, and there's no real way to visualize it, much like the Dao or some other religious concept you can cite to look clever.
• Not all of us are furries—I just thought that would be useful to know.
• Some people might change genders and not change their presentations much at all—I'm a butch lesbian, for example, and I still look pretty masculine (despite my beautiful hair).
• Somebody already said this, but I think it bears repeating: Don't engage with The Phobes. They're not arguing against our humanity because they're somehow almighty, logical creatures, it's because they're grossed out.
• Based on my own experience, don't ask for a grace period when a trans friend comes out—they'll understand if you slip up by accident.

[victoriana]

I'm not trans myself so I won't say a lot. But please don't ask someone their pronouns in front of a large group of people or some other public setting. This goes double if you're in a professional setting or that person is the only one you asked in that whole group. If anybody reading this has done this before, ask yourself why you singled out that person in particular and check if it's motivated by biases or stereotypes. It has happened to me before and it was very uncomfortable being the only person asked a question like that in a group of more than 20 people.
Also, if you suspect that someone is trans but they haven't come out to you, don't make jokes about them being trans, even if it's well intentioned. If you want to show your support, find another way. Joking about sexuality requires a certain level of comfort to be taken cordially.
Also, congrats on the gender journey OP!`

[kepler-16b]

I'm not trans myself so I won't say a lot. But please don't ask someone their pronouns in front of a large group of people or some other public setting. This goes double if you're in a professional setting or that person is the only one you asked in that whole group. If anybody reading this has done this before, ask yourself why you singled out that person in particular and check if it's motivated by biases or stereotypes. It has happened to me before and it was very uncomfortable being the only person asked a question like that in a group of more than 20 people.
Also, if you suspect that someone is trans but they haven't come out to you, don't make jokes about them being trans, even if it's well intentioned. If you want to show your support, find another way. Joking about sexuality requires a certain level of comfort to be taken cordially.
Also, congrats on the gender journey OP!`

YES. THIS. As a trans guy, this is also very tough early on, especially as a teen who might not be completely out yet. I've had a few times where someone has asked me my pronouns in front of friends/family who I have not told yet, and I have to either dodge the question or answer she/her, which I hate saying. If you want to ask someone their pronouns, do NOT do it in front of people who might not already know.

[Misanthropic Monster™]

  Joking about sexuality requires a certain level of comfort to be taken cordially.

I don't really see gender identity as being the same as sexuality/sexual orientation. Trans people aren't inherently gay and vice versa :)

[BUTCHBONEZ]

I am a cis male (meaning that I identify as my birth gender), and out of curiosity I would like to hear the voices of our trans people in the melonland forum. (This includes trans men, saddened to see that I almost never hear about them.)

This includes things about how to support, what you shouldn't do, etc.   I'm not expecting this topic to really go anywhere but it's worth a shot.

Edit: Trying out being non-binary, let's see if it sticks!

Edit2: Genderfluid

Hiya !! Transmasc guy here, the one big thing I think cis people should know is if you misgender someone just correct yourself . I know when a cis person makes a big deal out of it , it's always with good intention but its not a big deal. It can get annoying as well so just correct and move on :].