Slow Form Communication, My Beloved

[SeaSlugUFO]

I'm somewhat new to the web revival movement, making some changes in my day to day life on the internet. I just started playing a MUD for the first time ever, and I've been playing more browser games lately, with chatting only in the game. 

I was trading with someone and they asked if I had discord as it was "easier to ping if I wanted to trade". Okay, sure, we exchanged discords and friended each other.

What a mistake.    I have my status to "Offline" all the time because I hate being visible and "available" 24/7 and they pinged like 3 times asking if I was around to trade. Then sent messages because they got drunk and kept spamming by accident. Then sending me memes. Mind you, I never responded to any of that and just unfriended them... 

I adore slow form communication and I'm looking forward to having more methods to embrace that  What are some ways that yall do slow form communication? Email? PMing via forums? Penpaling via snail mail? 

[wintermel]

felt, the main thing i do at the moment is let my dearest friends know that i dont respond to texts n stuff very quickly (lest theres an emergency), then i try to use more forums... mainly this one...

Hopefully if more people respond to this then we can both get more ideas, #iLoveSlowFormCommunication 

[solbeth]

god, i felt that so hard. i love talking to people, i really do, but i feel like i am overwhelmed so easily with instant communication and expectation to be always available. even if the other person is okay with slow responses, the nature of the communication medium itself puts a lot of mental pressure on me.

i recently made an e-mail specifically for people meeting me through forums or webdev and i've already had nice experiences with it. it was an instant relief too - i check my mailbox once a day and then i let mysef think about other things. the people on the other side probably do similarly. using e-mail is a silent agreement to value each other's time and the quality of messages we send. i feel like forum messages serve a similar purpose too, just contained in a different space.

[Nova]

felt, the main thing i do at the moment is let my dearest friends know that i dont respond to texts n stuff very quickly (lest theres an emergency), then i try to use more forums... mainly this one...

Hopefully if more people respond to this then we can both get more ideas, #iLoveSlowFormCommunication 

Ouuuuu I hate having to do that.

If someone friends me I at least expect them to understand that I'm not always gonna be online nor respond immediately to them, I don't understand why some people think it's okay to ping someone constantly if they don't respond.

I understand it if comes from certain situations or trauma responses but I also feel like they break boundaries that shouldn't be broken in doing so, cuz not everyone is sociable and some people gain a sense of dread when someone pesters them.

One should never rely on others over the internet for communication 24/7.

[SeaSlugUFO]

i recently made an e-mail specifically for people meeting me through forums or webdev and i've already had nice experiences with it.

I made a new email for this purpose as well! I'm gonna set it up so people can email me, I think it's a great system. I miss emailing people and I've gotta make that change 

One should never rely on others over the internet for communication 24/7.

Couldn't agree more. People like to say "Oh but what if it's an emergency" but let's be real... If it *was* an emergency, you should call. And if you don't have my phone number... that's kind of your answer. 


I also think that, with such fast communication and instant communication, it's easy for people to feel a lot closer to you than they actually are. I also think our online mask of anonymity allows us to share really personal and/or intimate information that we wouldn't share so quickly irl. I find online friendships grow and escalate so rapidly but I'm still left feeling like there's a huge disconnect from said person 

[solbeth]

I also think that, with such fast communication and instant communication, it's easy for people to feel a lot closer to you than they actually are. I also think our online mask of anonymity allows us to share really personal and/or intimate information that we wouldn't share so quickly irl. I find online friendships grow and escalate so rapidly but I'm still left feeling like there's a huge disconnect from said person 

i feel like you hit a nail on the head with this paragraph right here! instant communication definitely explains my feelings of disconnect from people online, short-lived friendships and social fatigue. i do not want to elevate real life friendships over the online ones, but one thing is clear to me - humans are not meant to process such a copious amount of information, not so rapidly. when forming a connection in real life, you get to know the person slowly, maybe by being in each other's orbit for a while, maybe by experiencing things together. online, you quite often know half the life story of a person hours after meeting them for the first time - especially if the conversation is running smoothly. we have no time to process it all, to put weight and meaning behind it all. there is no process to being close anymore, no gaining of each other's trust. you know as much of your best friends as a random stranger whom you talked to once by chance. the nested within themselves social circles become one big circle, always expanding and always flowing with information. it's hard to give the energy and thought to it all, and thus, make any meaningful connections.

[SeaSlugUFO]

we have no time to process it all, to put weight and meaning behind it all. there is no process to being close anymore, no gaining of each other's trust. you know as much of your best friends as a random stranger whom you talked to once by chance. the nested within themselves social circles become one big circle, always expanding and always flowing with information. it's hard to give the energy and thought to it all, and thus, make any meaningful connections.

  Yes! And there's no room for self-reflection either! 

If I hang out with my friend Jane on Monday for coffee and she says a joke or comment that really rubs me the wrong way, I might not process it immediately, and the conversation will change. We depart, go home, and we decide to meet up for drinks on Friday. I have a few days at this point to process it and decide how to bring it up with her again: I can call before Friday if I feel like it'll be a little heated, we can discuss over drinks if she's the type to take it really well and immediately apologize and we move on, OR she can realize what she said and I can get a text from her on Wednesday. 

It's like with fast gaming, fast consumption... There is NO way these game journalists are playing a 40 hour game 2 days after its release and already dropping an in depth review on the game... NO WAY. It's just consuming and spewing out bs 

[wintermel]

I also think that, with such fast communication and instant communication, it's easy for people to feel a lot closer to you than they actually are. I also think our online mask of anonymity allows us to share really personal and/or intimate information that we wouldn't share so quickly irl. I find online friendships grow and escalate so rapidly but I'm still left feeling like there's a huge disconnect from said person 

oh lord agreed, someone from a large server im in contacted me mistaking me for a friend who played a specific game, yadda yadda yadda, and they ended up wanting to play said random game with me, sending me a pic of them n their cat, VERY FAST 2 FAST STOP IT NOW  

[Nova]

I also think that, with such fast communication and instant communication, it's easy for people to feel a lot closer to you than they actually are. I also think our online mask of anonymity allows us to share really personal and/or intimate information that we wouldn't share so quickly irl. I find online friendships grow and escalate so rapidly but I'm still left feeling like there's a huge disconnect from said person 

THIS.

I understand if you want to send me a pic of your cat (which I won't deny, I love those fluffy little bastards), but if we connect over something regarding a business inquiry or for help over something, it doesn't mean I'm going to be your friend. it should be kept strictly for business.

The problem with fast communication is that for some, they latch onto people too quickly without realizing they're latching onto a human who has a life outside of the internet. They don't see a person at times.

[petrichoran]

agree with everyone about emailing. it's a really nice form of communication and i want to do it more often 

i actually write letters sometimes! i have a feather dip pen and when i use it my handwriting is pretty much illegible but it's still fun. i write letters to my girlfriend with it! i've also been exchanging letters with one of my friends and it's a really nice way to get into deeper topics without having the pressure of an actual in person or otherwise fast paced conversation. i don't actually mail anything, i just give people letters in person to read later, but i might get into mailing people things eventually?

[wintermel]

agree with everyone about emailing. it's a really nice form of communication and i want to do it more often 

i actually write letters sometimes! i have a feather dip pen and when i use it my handwriting is pretty much illegible but it's still fun. i write letters to my girlfriend with it! i've also been exchanging letters with one of my friends and it's a really nice way to get into deeper topics without having the pressure of an actual in person or otherwise fast paced conversation. i don't actually mail anything, i just give people letters in person to read later, but i might get into mailing people things eventually?

  Writing letters sounds so fun!! Honestly would love a pen pal one day, so I now must lewk into this. do you end up making a reeeeeal long letter with multiple sides/pages, or do you find it to be surprisingly succint?

[petrichoran]

Writing letters sounds so fun!! Honestly would love a pen pal one day, so I now must lewk into this. do you end up making a reeeeeal long letter with multiple sides/pages, or do you find it to be surprisingly succint?

oh they absolutely turn pretty long. sometimes they'll be like front and back, but the last one i wrote to my friend is like six and a half pages of notebook paper! and i have a couple notes i want to add before i give it to him to clarify what i was trying to say so it'll probably be like 7 overall or a little more. although to be fair we were talking about some in depth things so i'd say my last one is the exception, not the rule

[SeaSlugUFO]

Penpaling is fun! I used to penpal with a friend but got quickly overwhelmed because they started adding lots of arts and crafts and I couldn't reciprocate. I just wanted letters, no pressure or stress. That's why I'm excited to get back into emailing 

I think I'm going to finishing setting up my profile and encourage peeps to email me if we've talked a lot on this forum  I think it'll be a good way to promote some slow communication in my life.

While googling ways to add more slow communication, I found this wikipedia article that others might enjoy reading, that talks about slowing down other parts of life: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slow_media
 
 

[wintermel]

While googling ways to add more slow communication, I found this wikipedia article that others might enjoy reading, that talks about slowing down other parts of life: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slow_media
 
 

yesss we must slow everything down... things 2 fast.. making people think that they dont have enough time.. bring back the necessary art of putting thought into lovely letters & emails maybe guys... cook ur food nice and slow too... maybe finish a puzzle... but slowly... yes. i can get behind this movement 

quite frankly, i do believe that one of the things we can do as humanz as we take down capitalism is slowing the hell down

[SeaSlugUFO]

yesss we must slow everything down... things 2 fast.. making people think that they dont have enough time.. bring back the necessary art of putting thought into lovely letters & emails maybe guys... cook ur food nice and slow too... maybe finish a puzzle... but slowly... yes. i can get behind this movement 

quite frankly, i do believe that one of the things we can do as humanz as we take down capitalism is slowing the hell down

Yes My husband and I have made a soft rule for the household to not bring plastic in unless it's absolutely necessary. This means that a simple cooking utensil that would normally be $1 is now more expensive. In fact, anything that's not plastic is going to be more expensive than the plastic version. It adds up and now we find ourselves really thinking about the things that we buy. We usually think about each purchase for a few days while we look for alternatives and look up the brands and all that. We buy less, have more intentions with what we buy and it all just feels better in the long run