how do you make friends on the web?

[cacoreco]

first of all, hello hello, people of the forum! 

this question first appeared to me as soon as i finished my neocities page. while exploring other people's websites, i would always see stuff like webrings, buttons linking to buddies sites, interactions between friends at the comment section, so on and so forth. i then realized that i had no clue how to make new friends or even have a small interaction on the smallweb community (that i just became a part of)! 

im making this forum post to know YOUR favorite way(s) of interacting and forming relationships online! i've mostly been a lurker on every internet space i was ever a part of, but i want to change that! trying to integrate yourself on such a unified community is a bit overwhelming at first. how did you get around that? having conversations on forum's chats, replying to people's threads and engaging on discussions, leaving compliments on their pages... anything else? and also: how did you overcome your shyness and learn to become more expressive on spaces like this? lemme know! 

[galileogalilei]

BE MY FRIEND!!!!

[House]

Helloooooo~!

Oh non forum sites I try my best to like lots of art and leave nice comments, but it can feel sorta fake sometimes? Not like the compliments are disingenuous, but like there isnt much of a space to really get to know people in ways that arnt just liking posts and leaving comments if that makes sense.  Thats why I like sites like this so much more because I feel like I can actually get a chance to get to know people!   

[Skykristal]

I like the vibe and feel of guestbooks to build connections/ meet others who share similar interests and create similar content on our sites. It doesn't always work out but I find myself talking to and revisiting people I find quite often, leaving a comment etc. but only if I have something to say. I don't like the feeling of fake/forced interactions. I rather take it slow and chill. :)

[Målingen]

As an avid writer and introvert, I've never actually made friends via the retro web. Really, it's what they have to offer you in terms of stories or advice. I enjoy listening to them and hearing to what they have to say. As what @House said, it feels faking just giving out compliments and likes instead of hearing what people have to say and offering your own comment. Another thing to mention is that, while I myself are apart of webrings, I don't feel any connection to them; They're simply just there to allow more discovery of my site and allow others to continue rabbit-holing.

[Eunice]

I've always found it a difficult thing to do, but then I have trouble making real friends in RL as well. I had some very good friends from the "Robin of Sherwood" fan community. But sadly that has broken up and everyone has gone off somewhere else. For several years there were some very deep friendships. We had Livejournals and met up weekly in a special chat room. Perhaps that is the answer: that it helps if you have a shared interest.

[Blue]

Honestly, I find indie web communities are not a good place to make friendships when you have niche interests, but that is just my experience. I have been here for a couple of months, a bit more in the overall indie web community, I haven't made any friends. Replying to forum posts and signing the guestbook doesn't really do anything for me; I can't really get any connections from that. I don't find the overall old web very 'making friends' friendly lol. I don't see forums as a place to make friends, regardless of what the forum is about.

I guess if you want something more it's better to try out Dreamwidth as it's just like LiveJoiurnal, but I haven't seen many communities that aren't event ones (though I do not actively search for other types of communities as I have no interest in that on there) or you can look through interests and find people to follow from there. I think this one works better. I will note that Dreamwidth does seem to have an older audience, though I don't think that should be a problem.

Alternatively, Spacehey is also there for a different experience that might work better as it's actually centered around making friends. It does have a younger audience, so that can be a dealbreaker for some if they don't want to be around teens or younger kids, but I think it's a better shot than some other places I've seen.

[_ghost_]

This thread is somewhat depressing... I'm also new to the indie web and was excited about the slower pace and lack of algorithmic content; I thought that it might be more difficult to make those connections initially, but that ultimately they would be more significant. This thread seems to describe the opposite, where everything feels super insulated. Surely there's a middle ground?

That said, I have noticed that, for example, there are a few different "pen pal" email exchange type threads on here, and I don't know that any of them are effective; no one has reached out to me, and I'm too nervous to reach out to anyone else. I sort of feel like I'm just posting thoughts that no one will ever respond to or possibly even read on most threads. It's... different than I expected.

I love the forum format. But I assumed there would be a lot more interaction than there is, and I immediately clicked on this topic because I was wondering the same thing.

[milo]

I feel like making forum friends is similar to making irl friends, at least for me. It'll happen when you least expect it, when you're not even looking. You'll wake up one day and realize you've made a new friend.

I've been a part of a few forums where after a while you just start vibing with another person's posts and after a while you're popping up in the same threads together and bouncing jokes and conversation off one another. Sooner or later you might send them a private message asking their discord or whatever and maybe you can plan a gaming session together if you play the same stuff.

I will say that most other forums I go on these days have some sort of like or reaction button for the posts. I know why our Melon curator doesn't do that here, but sometimes I do find it a bit insulating when I'm browsing and I can't simply show I like a post without posting about it. I feel like a simple like button helps us all feel more passively connected. It's like someone nodding or giving a thumbs up during a group conversation, cause sometimes that's all that needs to be expressed. On the flip side, it's nice to know when someone has simply liked one of my own posts just by pushing a button. I do find myself going to push an imaginary like button on this forum and getting disappointed when I remember it doesn't have one.

[kuroi]

I'm quite new to this indie web movement, but i feel my main intention here is to have meaningful connections and interactions more than oh building a lifelong friendship lol. Like, i want to share interests, knowledge, talk about creative projects and all that stuff.

I see what others mentioned about feeling fake about just leaving a compliment and be done. Well, from what i've seen in my own website, I dont think those kind of messages feel fake but they dont leave much space for more interaction tbh xD i have tons of compliments on my guestbook (and i love each one of them  ) but i feel i cant get very far on my replies beside the usual "Thank you!". I also added a chatbox there to see if it would bring more conversation but it's silent most of the time xD sometimes i get a random "hello" but its the same thing, not much room for anything else. I even added a topic of the day to break the ice but yeah... maybe the indie web is more introverted and that's totally fine too xD

I dont know if i made much sense lol but what i'd expect to see more is: when leaving a message on a guestbook or a chatbox, maybe try to start a conversation like, saying what shared interests you have with the website owner, questions about how or why something was done a certain way... I think it brings more to the table and opens a space where people can share more about their thoughts. When i first opened my chatbox i had a reaaally lovely interaction with multiple people about how the indie web is great for creative freedom and how we were able to be more open about our thoughts, it was great

I also like following a few ongoing development projects like Chattable and VibeQuest where i have so much fun seeing the owners working so hard in real time, while also being able to share my suggestions and even help with a bit of code when i can. It inspires me to work more on my own projects :)

Well i guess that's pretty much it lol

[nobo]

I don't make friends.   

I find that it's very difficult to make friends on the modern Internet, including this side of the web. It's because everyone is really busy. It's like walking past strangers on the street almost. You might bump into them and say, "oh hey, nice weather, lol" but then you keep walking.

I think as a teenager I was much better at making friends. I was the type where people would either hate or love me. Now I feel like people just struggle to communicate with me at all.

I don't know if its because times have changed or I have changed. It's probably both.

That being said... I've nestled into acceptance of this. I interact with people on the net not because we're going to become close but just because we're both equally bored or interested in the same subject. And as soon as that convenience is gone, the connection will also be gone.

            

how did you overcome your shyness and learn to become more expressive on spaces like this?

I guess I just look at it like a message in a bottle. It would be much harder if people were sitting directly in front of me, for sure.

[Yuvi]

well part of what i did was to beg people on my site to email me and join some webrings LMAO, that seems to have worked

in all seriousness the way I've made friends is by signing people's guestbooks and leaving my website/email in the signing. Sometimes they look at my site and sign my guestbook as well, and some even email me or i decide to email them! and then we just end up having some back and fourths via email

this post has reminded me that I've kinda neglected them for a bit... so im gonna go email them now! Good luck on your indieweb friendship journey

edit:

turns out, we have a lot in common and I'd like to be friends with you!

one thing i would HEAVILY reccomend is creating a new email for emailing friends and such on the indieweb (best if you make a new one with protonmail or tutanota, i reccomend tutanota since proton has kinda been in hot water lately) and then putting said email on your site!

some more suggestions from me looking at your site

• Create a button
• Join some webrings, (I'm sure you'll love this one)
• create a guestbook for people to sign

anyway, once again good luck with your friendship finding journey on the indieweb I'd love to hear from can't wait to hear from you if you decide to reach out

[Yuvi]

Also, I've noticed how negative this thread seems to be when it comes to making friends for whatever reason, especially because of the misunderstanding about House's comment, they said that they feel like its forced on non fourm sites, (which i think means social media, but i could be wrong) and not just everywhere

i also respectfully disagree with this:

Honestly, I find indie web communities are not a good place to make friendships when you have niche interests, but that is just my experience. I have been here for a couple of months, a bit more in the overall indie web community, I haven't made any friends. Replying to forum posts and signing the guestbook doesn't really do anything for me; I can't really get any connections from that. I don't find the overall old web very 'making friends' friendly lol. I don't see forums as a place to make friends, regardless of what the forum is about.

I've had the complete opposite experience, i think that taking the step to actively reach out to people is extremely important and more effective then simply commenting under people's posts

This thread is somewhat depressing... I'm also new to the indie web and was excited about the slower pace and lack of algorithmic content; I thought that it might be more difficult to make those connections initially, but that ultimately they would be more significant. This thread seems to describe the opposite, where everything feels super insulated. Surely there's a middle ground?

again, please don't get discouraged! theres many people to talk to and many who want to talk, but the indieweb moreso relies on your taking the initiative for alot of these things yourself, which i do understand may not be everyone's cup of tea

at the end of the day, making friends on the indieweb is mostly about taking initiative! its not nessesarily difficult to find friends here in my opinion, but its VERY different then that we're used to and we have to adjust to that.

genuinely, good luck everybody. I really hope everyone friend-making experiences improve

[Junebug]

I've been able to make friends on social media, but it's hard to predict how it happens. It doesn't happen very often, and I have a far larger number of acquaintances than actual friends whom I first met online. What I would describe happening in my case is the other person liking whatever it is that's going on with my personality and self-expression. If it works for them, I suspect we interact more and more and become friends.

What I have noticed is rarely if ever making friends in online communities where there's a lot of enforced friendliness. I mean places where people arguing is treated as a problem in itself, not a particular interlocutor being in the wrong or the argument being off-topic. People being real with each other will lead to conflict, and not working through that conflict means the original issue is up in the air. I find that a lot of people leave such groups after a while since the vague assertion of closeness in such groups, when it is based off nothing and doesn't come from anyone's real feelings, is actually a pretty cold thing to experience.

In my opinion, such places are a waste of people's time if they want to make friends. It's useful for making connections for instrumental purposes. In a manga fandom I'm in, it appears this is done to get greater access to merchandise. But it leads to a lot of two-facedness where people aren't acting on their real feelings about each other. I've seen someone complain bitterly about their treatment by another person, but then choose to go right back to them. The people there are dedicated to the illusion, frequently because they're depressed or have anxiety and want to find insulation from negative emotions. Maybe there are understandable reasons for why they choose to do that, since it would be too hard for them otherwise, but if your goal is friendship you're better off skipping this entirely.

tl;dr Hugboxes are traps that keep you from real connection, if that's what you're looking for.

[Blue]

I've been able to make friends on social media, but it's hard to predict how it happens. It doesn't happen very often, and I have a far larger number of acquaintances than actual friends whom I first met online. What I would describe happening in my case is the other person liking whatever it is that's going on with my personality and self-expression. If it works for them, I suspect we interact more and more and become friends.

I can definitely relate to this. I do have 4-5 close friends that I've met on social media and with some of them the friendship is as long as 5 years at this point. It can be very random.

I'm also a fandom person, and most of my previous fandoms were also anime and manga-related, so you really find them through having similar interests (in my case, a specific character that's not liked by many). I do find it a lot easier to interact with people on social media or even on discord and this trend seems to continue. Being an active fic writer in a fandom that doesn't get much work in the English tag also seems to help a lot.