Dear trans people, what are some things you would like the cis to know?

[halcybutton]

i wish cis people would realize we just want to be treated as equals. i don't need special coddling, i just want to be regarded in the same way everyone else is. also, that trans people come in all forms. some want to stealth, some want to be out and loud, some want to pass, others don't care as much, some medically transition, some don't, etc etc. there isn't one right way to be trans, and that's perfectly fine. no matter the journey, we still deserve the same respect as everyone else

[JINSBEK]

Finally, remember, when people complain about trans individuals being difficult, my roommate always asks: "Are they over 25 and do they have a job?" Because often, they're just dealing with teenagers being teenagers, not something specific to being trans. Most trans adults are just like anyone else.

Yes, 100% this. Stressed out, hormonally insane, sleepless anxious teenagers who may or may not act as if they know everything are never pleasant company, regardless of gender. Don’t let your temper flare and argue with emotionally unstable children, it’s a waste of time and rarely productive.

Personally, I want to add to the discussion:

Gender is just one part of a person’s character. Yes, it can be and often is a major part of who they are, but gender isn’t equivalent to political views, tastes in music, hobbies, fashion, religious practices, cultural expectations, and so on. I personally have more in common with a cisgender Asian bilingual adult of any sex, or a cisgender observant Jew-by-choice, than I do have in common with the average transmasculine, solely Anglophone American Gen Z’er. My favourite exchanges often are with people who engage in the same activities and interests in me, e.g. we go to the same bike raves and Flow Jams, volunteer together, and drink at the same bar. I don’t like someone more just because they’re the same gender as I am. What about you?

Believe it or not, people can have different feelings about society, their gender, and life in general.

Honestly, if you think someone is cringe, just don’t hang out with them. Get on with your life and don’t be an ass. Not everyone’s the same and not everything’s for you. Do the right thing and go spend time with your family.

[serenefork]

I'm transmasculine nonbinary, but I'd normally just say I'm a trans man. The things I'd like for cis people to know are that people don't need to preform their gender how society expects of them! I'm a man and I like "girly" things and that's fine! I've started noticeably transitioning but people keep assuming I'm transfeminine because of the things I like. 
I  hope that any cis people reading this think about if their gender has been railroading them in how they present themselves and how they interact with things associated with other genders.

[VioletHeaven]

No, the comics and viral videos you're used to aren't true, 98% of the time trans people react either by going "oh, i'm actually [gender]" or ignoring you completely, they don't form a ruckus and start screaming at you

Personally, as a trans woman myself, people like chomphon (and the other people who make videos like hers...) really give trans women a bad reputation. We don't have beards, we normally dress well. She dresses intentionally poorly to get attention from the right-wing grifter crowd, and I just want to say that most trans women don't actually try to look the way she does. I'm really appalled by how much attention a grifter like her gets, as she drags down the reputation of the wider, non-online community.

I'm not trans myself so I won't say a lot. But please don't ask someone their pronouns in front of a large group of people or some other public setting. This goes double if you're in a professional setting or that person is the only one you asked in that whole group.

This, 100% this. I pass and I genuinely hate "pronoun circles" and being asked what my pronouns are. While I do understand that some people are nonconforming, they'll usually approach you themselves about their preferred pronouns. I can say with confidence that the number of people I've met in real life who don't conform to what you'd expect their pronouns to be, is pretty close to zero. You're best off with assuming based on presentation, and then taking a polite correction with grace if you're wrong.

Gender is just one part of a person’s character. Yes, it can be and often is a major part of who they are, but gender isn’t equivalent to political views, tastes in music, hobbies, fashion, religious practices, cultural expectations, and so on. I personally have more in common with a cisgender Asian bilingual adult of any sex, or a cisgender observant Jew-by-choice, than I do have in common with the average transmasculine, solely Anglophone American Gen Z’er. My favourite exchanges often are with people who engage in the same activities and interests in me, e.g. we go to the same bike raves and Flow Jams, volunteer together, and drink at the same bar. I don’t like someone more just because they’re the same gender as I am. What about you?

Yeah, and I just want to expand on this point:
As a trans person, or even if I was cisgender, any one aspect about myself (be that my sexuality, or transgenderness) doesn't actually define who I am. It might limit where I can go (I'm never going to the middle east at large, except potentially Israel after the war ends), given that I present and pass as a woman, but otherwise, it doesn't actually matter. I'm in love with Jinsbek because he's a wonderful man, because we have a lot of shared interests, and because I value his perspective in life, not because either of us were specifically seeking a trans-for-trans relationship. I have much more in common with people who share the same spiritual beliefs or cultural background as me, rather than another trans woman. You really don't have to interact with a trans group just because they're trans if there's nothing there that actually interests you.

And to respond to @DiffydaDude, if you're going to write a trans character, I would strongly suggest making them normal. A lot of trans women aren't perpetually online, unemployed, "puppygirls". A really good example of a somewhat comedic narrative with a trans character is Tiff and Eve's webcomic, where the fact that Tiffany (one of the main characters) is transgender doesn't actually affect the story much at all (though I do recommend later issues as the early ones are very stereotypical). Trans people can have any political beliefs, motives, family structures... most trans people who don't spend most of their time online, don't even actually have trans friends at all! I know I don't, barring my fiancé.

One more thing I'd like to add is that in my experience, queer support groups usually aren't actually healthy places to make friends. Most trans individuals that I've interacted with don't have healthy support networks, and the groups I've seen aren't actually conducive to building those support structures, either. They might have a social worker or two, but by large people in those groups don't interact out of shared interests or common ground, and being transgender doesn't usually make for a very interesting conversation topic. Most people don't want to hear how I have to pluck my eyebrows every morning, or how much estrogen I'm taking, you know?

[JINSBEK]

I'm not trans myself so I won't say a lot. But please don't ask someone their pronouns in front of a large group of people or some other public setting.

This, 100% this. I pass and I genuinely hate "pronoun circles" and being asked what my pronouns are. While I do understand that some people are nonconforming, they'll usually approach you themselves about their preferred pronouns. I can say with confidence that the number of people I've met in real life who don't conform to what you'd expect their pronouns to be, is pretty close to zero. You're best off with assuming based on presentation, and then taking a polite correction with grace if you're wrong.

Now this, this is interesting. I've never experienced a "pronoun circle" and didn't even know such a thing existed. I also don't mind anyone approaching me and asking my pronouns in a public or professional setting, even in front of a large group. Maybe it's my pathological lack of a fear response (lmao) but I appreciate the gesture. I take the goodwill far more deeply than the overlaying faux pas. "Hi, obviously genderqueer person! Welcome to the group! How may I address you respectfully?" Like doesn't that sound like the nicest Martian you've ever met? If you met a Martian like that, would you punch them in the face? No, you'd smile and nod and give them your pronouns like a civilised Earthian, right?

I personally like the extra effort others put into asking about my pronouns, even though an assumption would be socially smoother. The fact that some random bloke is going out of his way to add friction to his life just to be nice to me is really nice and heartwarming. I don't know. That's just me.

[VioletHeaven]

Now this, this is interesting. I've never experienced a "pronoun circle" and didn't even know such a thing existed. I also don't mind anyone approaching me and asking my pronouns in a public or professional setting, even in front of a large group. Maybe it's my pathological lack of a fear response (lmao) but I appreciate the gesture. I take the goodwill far more deeply than the overlaying faux pas. "Hi, obviously genderqueer person! Welcome to the group! How may I address you respectfully?" Like doesn't that sound like the nicest Martian you've ever met? If you met a Martian like that, would you punch them in the face? No, you'd smile and nod and give them your pronouns like a civilised Earthian, right?

I personally like the extra effort others put into asking about my pronouns, even though an assumption would be socially smoother. The fact that some random bloke is going out of his way to add friction to his life just to be nice to me is really nice and heartwarming. I don't know. That's just me.

Thanks for your reply, Jinsbek! It did make me really think more deeply about why I'm viscerally against pronoun circles. I think it's because personally, I've only ever had it used, or seen it used, to single out people and make them uncomfortable. If a random clueless guy walked up and asked, I'd probably be happy to respond! But the intent matters, I think. I don't mind wearing a pronoun badge at work, because everyone else does. I don't mind appending my pronouns to my work email signature when someone asks, because I know they don't have any ill intent. If a martian, or someone who wants to get to know me, came up to me and asked, I'd be happy!

But again, it's all about intent. I do think I may have come off a little too strongly against it initially, but in my experience, it usually just serves to make the one or two queer people uncomfortable in a cisgender-majority group.