The Whims and Woes of Parental Controls

[BlazingCobaltX]

This thread is partially inspired by learning of Discord introducing parental controls (through this thread) and some of the discussion I see happening in my field of work about big tech and its influence on children.
(Note: For brevity I will just write about 'children', but I am talking about anyone under 18 here.)

In Jonathan Haidt's most recent book The Anxious Generation, he argues that modern technology is a major contributing factor to the rise in mental health issues amongst children. While his arguments may be exaggerated, his book is just one in a longer string of discourses about the averse effects of modern technology on the development and wellbeing of children. Predatory app designs, damaging algorithms, the access to constant dopamine hits... I am sure I don't need to tell forum members here what's to be criticised about the modern internet. What I do wanna talk about is one of the potential solutions proposed for this problem: Parental controls.

In my experience online, parental controls is a topic submerged in negative opinion. I have read about many cases of children whose internet activity was strictly monitored by abusive or bigoted parents, and how they were punished for talking to the "wrong" people online. I am quite certain there won't be many minors in favour of this setting, as it is a serious restriction of one's autonomy and a breach of trust. Had it been imposed on me as a teen, in the middle of discovering my sexuality, it would have made me feel even unsafer around my parents than I already was.

On the flipside, I've now seen some field experts advocate for the usage of parental controls, or imposing government controls at the very least. Their argument is that big tech cannot be trusted with safeguarding the wellbeing of anyone, as their one incentive is simply to make money no matter who gets hurt. On top of that, children can accidentally interact with people who have nefarious purposes, such as predators. Being able to safeguard them from that could save them a lot of hurt. Parental controls thus is a way to mitigate the negative effects of social media and device usage, e.g. by restricting the amount of hours a child can spend on certain apps.

What I find tough about parental controls is that it's like fighting symptoms. It gives off the illusion of control in a situation that is fundamentally uncontrollable. Most parents don't know what their children are doing online; even as they exist in the same ecosystems the social rules can be very different. Parents can follow as many guidelines on media-conscious parenting as they want, there will always be situations where kids and teens have unrestricted, unmonitored access to the internet. Are we supposed to restrict everything that could be a potential risk to one's wellbeing?

My own thoughts on this topic are still swaying, so I am curious to hear what forum members have to say about this. Here are some questions for inspiration:

• How old are you?
• Have you used parental controls (as a parent) or have they been used on you (as a minor)? What were your experiences?
• Do you agree with the thesis that modern technology and the online world are fundamentally harmful to children? Why (not)?
• Do you see parental controls as a useful tool to safeguard kids and teens online? In what ways?
• What are alternative ways to reduce the harm modern technology inflicts on people?
• Can we ever regulate big tech?

[Dreamwings]

• 19 (Turning 20 tomorrow woohoo)
• I had the parental controls used on me as a kid. Specifically, as well as the default ones on games like Roblox, Animal Jam, Jumpstart, etc (there were a lot of them on those old kids mmos), I had the Microsoft Parental controls on my first computer (a cute, surprisingly fast but incredibly loud laptop). I hated them in the moment to be fair, as the chat would usually be restricted so I couldn't talk to anyone online and in the case of the Microsoft parental controls my computer would be forcibly locked up after a certain period of time. And while I think the locking up of the computer was a bit overkill and actually a bit harmful in one case where I had to get that old laptop working but because it had been disconnected from the internet for so long the parental controls couldn't get the memo from the servers that there was no more time limit set so it would only turn on at specific windows of time when I was out and couldn't use it, the in-game ones were fine. I mean, I was pissed the hell off in the moment that I couldn't chat like everyone else (or in some cases, couldn't even play with other people. Jumpstart had a feature where you could basically play solo in the MMO and it was actually really scary to small me because there were these big open spaces but they were completely unpopulated) but it was for the best lest I get groomed (that being said though, I don't suggest it for every child/family situation. Some kids are smarter than others where that wouldn't be an issue).
• Yes. No matter how much moderation you do, if there are children, there are pedophiles. Straight up. They follow it like sharks follow blood in the water. The best thing is to have them be completely closed off or in a very, VERY moderated area. Like actively moderated and supervised by humans, like a playplace would be. But that's unrealistic on the internet with millions of children so that isn't a thing. Not just pedophiles, but NSFW/adult content in general is SUPER prevalent and not every child has the sense to look away or leave. Some are too curious for their own good. And without that sense of leaving, they're inherently going to run across it one way or another if given the free reign to do so.
• Very much so. And I feel like it should be implemented more often in the way that the kids online worlds back in the day did like Animal Jam, where there was a dashboard with one or more accounts that you could then view all the information on, logged into a special interface that also doesn't require them to have their own account (because I am pretty sure a Gen X mom that can barely operate a printer doesn't want to play Roblox with their kid so why waste the space). They give the parents the ability to see what the kids are doing and make the decisions they need to. And I think that is very muchso needed. You should NOT let a child roam free, especially on MMO type games, with absolutely no restrictions.
• Besides just going out and touching grass, government regulation to force said companies to adopt more intense moderation and/or higher standards in general to prevent harm from being caused (And other things of course while we're there, but unrelated to all of this sort of thing). In real life, if you're making something like a playground or a playplace or a daycare, you usually have standards and regulators and people who come out to make sure that the thing won't just straight up kill the children as soon as they enter. While of course that is more of a safety thing than anything, I'd still say internet safety is important in the same way, if it is so easy and usually free to access.
• Yes, with government regulation. Not petitions, not nicely asking them to quit, not boycotting (because it will never work, there will always be dumb people who don't know any better to fill in the gaps), government regulation. Thats what keeps all other companies from just cutting down every tree in a country or turning an entire town into their own personal wastepit/factory, so it should be done here as well. They won't listen otherwise unless they're forced to. Simple as.

I'd also like to note, when I say kids. I am talking -13-14. 14-15+ I'd say is about a good age when those reins can be loosened and they can be given the freedom to interact with others gradually WITH PRIOR INTERNET SAFETY EDUCATION. That is also super important. If you don't tell them not to, they will probably start just posting their face and their address and their full name to everyone they meet, and not having the prior experience to not do that.

[Slix]

1. Just turned 30!
2. I am not a parent, but when I was younger, my dad set up parental controls on our Mac at home so I would have time limits daily (he wanted me to be a well rounded kid haha). I was annoyed at the time, obviously, but I do think it helped me not sit on the computer 24/7 every day. The restrictions weren't really enforced otherwise, and I could visit pretty much any site I wanted (aside from obviously adult-content and such).
3. I don't think the internet and modern tech are fundamentally harmful to children, but I do think things are best when parents and kids understand what they are doing and should be doing with tech and the internet. For example, my dad taught me to not give out personal information online too much, so people wouldn't be able to target me and stuff like that. He was concerned when I told him I wanted to donate money to a Pokemon website I was frequenting in high school, worried it was a scam or something. I think, like everything else, tech stuff is good in moderation and with proper warnings in place for people (kids AND adults! I've seen a lot of internet-illiterate adults too!) so people aren't harmed or exploited.
4. I do think so, but I think, once a kid reaches, say, 13 or so and has shown some maturity, the kid should be given more freedom to do what they want online. I wouldn't be where I am today if I wasn't given that freedom, since I was able to just explore the little pockets of the internet, join sites, make friends, play games, all when I was fairly young still. Giving tools to parents who want to check in on their kids is good, but it can cause distrust if not done in a smart and kind way from the parent. Don't treat your kid like they're stupid, let them make their own mistakes and learn from them. My dad was able to see what I was doing on the computer remotely, but he didn't do this often, and he made it clear to me it was possible, so I behaved appropriately with that knowledge.
5. I think teaching how things work and what moderation tools are appropriate are the best ways to reduce harm. Being able to block harmful users is something people should be encouraged to do so they don't get harmed. Kids are smart, but they don't know how to navigate a lot of things until someone shows them how. Encouraging people to read the rules on a site, knowing that they can stop going on if they feel unsafe, and things like that are simple ways to help everyone not get into trouble, emotionally or otherwise.
6. Probably not. The issue is always that eventually, sites become too big too quickly, and by then, it's already too late to enforce rules on them specifically. We've seen how a lot of sites try to get around those restrictions too (cough twitter). I'm actually under the idea that there should be less regulations for internet stuff, because it stifles creativity and makes it harder for smaller groups to get off the ground in a lot of instances.

I hope all that made sense. :P Teaching kids how to navigate the internet is probably better overall than locking them down too much or constantly watching their activity.

[plasticseaslug]

[...] I'd also like to note, when I say kids. I am talking -13-14. 14-15+ I'd say is about a good age when those reins can be loosened and they can be given the freedom to interact with others gradually WITH PRIOR INTERNET SAFETY EDUCATION. That is also super important. If you don't tell them not to, they will probably start just posting their face and their address and their full name to everyone they meet, and not having the prior experience to not do that.

I really appreciate your point here! That's a similar age to when other freedoms are beginning to be introduced, like kids having their own phones or learning to drive, so it makes sense to introduce Internet independence here, too.

I had parental controls installed on many of my devices all through middle and high school (hell, still kinda do), and while a majority of the they were responsible through middle school, the same restrictions did begin to isolate me in high school. About then is when advice and restrictions have to turn into good habits on the kid's part.

[plasticseaslug]

    How old are you?
I just recently turned 18.

    Have you used parental controls (as a parent) or have they been used on you (as a minor)? What were your experiences?
For close to the entirety of my childhood and until now, I've had restrictions placed on what time of day I could use my devices, how long I could use certain applications, and how much I could keep private from my parents, primarily my mother.

The majority of the time, I found the restrictions put on me to be isolating. I wasn't allowed to browse the Internet or use chatting applications very long, so a lot of the time I was literally not able to talk to my friends, which especially hurt because I had few regular times to be with them in person. I'm sure that if I had any friends whatsoever or went to a normal school for the majority of my childhood I would have more positive feelings toward them.

    Do you agree with the thesis that modern technology and the online world are fundamentally harmful to children? Why (not)?
I think that the Internet is too broad of a topic to label as "safe" or "unsafe." The Internet is built as a way for people to interact with each other, like by sharing media or giving spaces for conversations. Some of that media or those conversation spaces is not intended for kids, and some of it is.

    Do you see parental controls as a useful tool to safeguard kids and teens online? In what ways?
Yes, but they have to be used carefully. Many parental tools are applied with little other help from the parent themselves, such as information about why certain things are not permitted for them, or skills on recognizing and getting away from unsafe situations.

I do also feel that teens need a certain level of privacy over their information, at least from an overall moral statement, because assuming that every parent is entitled to all of their child's information is more likely to lead to the feeling that one is isolated or not safe than not. (At least, that's how it worked out for me).

    What are alternative ways to reduce the harm modern technology inflicts on people?
From what I've seen, a lot of people that have been harmed by modern technology have had little support outside of the technology itself, such as parents, but also in-person friends or systematic support systems. As an overall society, we need to give access to support outside of immediate emergencies if we truly want to reduce harm that technology can do.

    Can we ever regulate big tech?
I'm of the opinion that it's really too early to say. In scale with the rest of human history, the level of information we have access to has existed for an incredibly small fraction of time. We don't know how to use it effectively, including regulating it, because of that newness.

In other words, I'm saying that we need to trust the process, and instead move our efforts to making sure that people are comfortable and safe outside of the walls of the Web.

[BlazingCobaltX]

I realise I gave off the impression in the OP that I want to hold the discussion based on those six questions. Those were just meant for inspiration! Feel free to respond in whatever way fits you best.

[Dreamwings]

I'm just often flabbergasted by Gen X / Millenial parents who don't seem to understand this, like...you people grew up on the internet, too! surely you have to know that it shouldn't be a babysitter for your kids, wtf!

VERY MINOR thing I'd like to argue about, but Gen X did not grow up with the internet. Gen X was actually probably the last generation to grow up without it. It was still mostly exclusive to colleges and quirky rich people. There were like, incredibly primitive phone based services but really it would be, if I am recalling this correctly, the mid to late 1990s when computers were commonplace enough that people could use it, aka when most of them were a bit too old to count as having "grown up with" it. More of like, it was born when they were maybe younger but in the sense of like... idk how a lot of us younger 18-22 folks were when NFTs were a thing. Like we saw it but it was like, too late at that point to be like, a main household concept and more of a "Thats a thing that exists now, cool" idea.
Source: Gen X parents + previously living in an area with a lot of Gen X people. Unless they had an affinity for the computers in general at a young age, they barely know how to operate a computer besides "Turn it on" and "google" and "email" and "Word processor". One comes from a semi-wealthy background and then one came from nothing and had to grind as an adult to become the slay person they are today. Both barely had the internet in their lives until really when it became a thing in the 90s and even then it was sparse and they were to old to become like, interested in it. Both were in their 20s or so at that point I believe, in college. They did teach me a lot about internet safety and had a super hard rule on all family members to never post my face online, but they also did have a whole lot of paranoia about the internet in general. I remember vividly I was watching a YouTube video at the house that was shown in school (I wasn't allowed to browse YouTube actually as a kid but I WAS allowed this time because I wanted to watch the "funny" video (it was really cringe and unfunny actually) that I saw, which the teacher had shown to the class and my mom was like "Ok if the teacher showed it then its fine") and then a Windows firewall prompt popped up on screen coincidentally as the video ended. Like when a new program starts and it asks you to allow outgoing or incoming connections and on what networks, and then she said "See, and that means that video was trying to hack the computer. Don't ever watch it again.". :') It was mostly through me being tech literate and teaching them things and showing I could be responsible on the computer that they loosened the reigns (And also learned that no, Windows Firewall prompts when watching YouTube do not mean the video can hack your computer. That is impossible.).

It's true that kids are determined to make their own mistakes and may circumvent controls. But I hate this defeatist attitude that often I see where people throw their hands up and go, "Welp, since they're gonna get around it anyway, I'll just give up and let them do whatever!  "

This literally. I see this a lot in like, the fanfiction space or certain NSFW work. Where people will just not tag or put things behind mature warnings because "Oh the kids will see it anyways if they want to" like... HUH that doesn't mean you can just put that shit on a shelf next to the other cutsey SFW stuff (ESPECIALLY when it was of kids frachise characters, it's especially common with those??). Or take like, more measures to make sure they can't access it period. Also like... the really weird assumption from everyone that all kids are lying about their age on the internet like... no it's really not as common as people say it is I believe? I was always truthful about my age as a child. And if a place said "This is 18+/adult", I left because I wasn't that, or any other age-gating. I know it makes me sound like a goodie two-shoes, but it's true. I did it once or twice a few times, but I usually got in trouble in one way or another from it which taught me not to do it again. Plus, I've said this before, but I was taugh as a kid to just not go into adult spaces by my parents. Not just online but physically. Like, they would be watching an adult movie (as in for older people and not little 4 year olds, like PG-13+, not porn. But they called them "adult movies" to us as in movies for adults, not that) or something and they'd force me and my sister out of the room and give that as the reason. So I carried that on in my practices on the internet as well. So maybe it's just also a matter of education as well? Maybe that should also be part of internet safety education. Teaching kids to not go into NSFW spaces if they say they're for adults, and then equally also enforcing to adults that you need to put those warnings and walls up (especially if its something that might come across as appealing for kids, like content of kids characters doing not so kid friendly things).

[Catonator]

Q: How old are you?
A: 25

Q: Have you used parental controls (as a parent) or have they been used on you (as a minor)? What were your experiences?
A: No (to both)

Q: Do you agree with the thesis that modern technology and the online world are fundamentally harmful to children? Why (not)?
A: Well, I'd say the modern world of online media is also harmful to adults. I'm not sure it'd be hyperbolic to say that a lot of the... divided feelings in the world are simply caused by algorithmic drive for profit.

Q: Do you see parental controls as a useful tool to safeguard kids and teens online? In what ways?
A: Not really. I'll explain below.

Q: What are alternative ways to reduce the harm modern technology inflicts on people?
A: Stop making it so unimaginably huge in scale! It's very easy!

Q: Can we ever regulate big tech?
A: No.

I don't think the question the government should be asking is "how do we control what social media is doing", it's "how do we get rid of social media".

Parental controls, identity enforcement and such are a little like trying to stop a raging forest fire by dropping a single fire blanket in the middle of it.

The fundamental problem with social media and the kids' oversight stuff is that, well, there's literally no way anyone could ever moderate any of the platforms we have by hand. YouTube gets 500 hours of video uploaded every minute. There's too many people, in too few platforms, and all the platforms are driven for maximum engagement because profit. The result is massive platforms consisting of hundreds of millions of users being fed, let's face it, total garbage because some graph somewhere shows that this particular system of delivering trash to recipient raises the profit margin by 0.03%, while frying 50 million brains. If YouTube had a userbase of 249 users, instead of 2.49 billion, the idiot flooding the site with awful videos would be found and permabanned in moments flat.

As such, parental controls can at best offer a feeling of safety to parents who don't want to actually oversee what their kids are doing. It's not a guarantee that there won't be any kid-unfriendly stuff shown by accident, or because the companies think it's beneficial for them, or because bad actors are exploiting the kids' "walled garden".

A second issue is that all of the regulations that are applied to tech as a whole will essentially give the big companies like Facebook a "get out of jail free" card. I watched Tantacrul's video on Facebook when it came out, and at the end he talks about KOSA enforcing some sort of government ID policy on account creation. All I can think of in that case is that that will absolutely kill small forums like this one, if it would ever get implemented. Meanwhile, Facebook would implement that identity enforcement system and its algorithm would still show you gore and other awful stuff just like it always has, because nobody can control blackbox algorithms. Many of the proposed solutions are more likely to end the last bastion of the internet that could actually solve these issues.

I don't think people should be gated from the internet until they reach adulthood. The internet was instrumental for me in discovering my love for music, video games and creating both. The issue is, to me, that the kinds of places where art, creativity and humanity are valued have been offset by some sort of robotic production line of the worst things in our world.

[BlazingCobaltX]

Thanks for the replies so far! What I seem to catch so far is that parental controls are appropriate for younger kids, less for older kids, and that educating kids on internet safety is a necessity. I think some discussion can be had on what the cut-off age is for giving kids more freedom - ages between 13 and 16 are mentioned here. What I always wonder is, how can you be sure that you have taught the kid everything it needs to know?

An example: Despite knowing enough internet safety to not share my age and face, I wasn't able to recognise that I was being groomed (the situation ended well). Had I told my parents I was talking to an older guy, they would have cut me off from the internet entirely. I kept quiet about it and many other shady things I encountered on the internet, because I didn't trust them to understand that the good and bad of the internet can coexist.

I find myself having a similar opinion as Catonator: Parental controls are just a way of enforcing control in a situation that's, for many reasons, uncontrollable. One of those reasons is simply not being able to know what places your kid is hanging out on. Modern internet wants us to be on the same 3 apps which - in a just world - would actually help with enforcing a safe internet for children. I like Dreamwings' analogy about playground regulations, but the problem is that there are too many playgrounds for children to end up on. And I'm not sure if sanitising the internet is what we want: It's the same overprotective impulse that has made made playgrounds incredibly boring and same-ish.

To not fall into that same trap, I feel the internet has to be left free. Preserving the internet as a space of free play, exploration, and interaction is the least we can do after destroying physical third places... As such, educating children and adults is the main way forward. Parents need to have a healthy amount of skepticism about the internet, but not so much as to completely stifle the free expression of their child/teen. As for minors, internet safety is like any other skill: The earlier you learn, the more you become adept at applying it in different situations.

I do think so, but I think, once a kid reaches, say, 13 or so and has shown some maturity, the kid should be given more freedom to do what they want online. I wouldn't be where I am today if I wasn't given that freedom, since I was able to just explore the little pockets of the internet, join sites, make friends, play games, all when I was fairly young still.

From your example it seems you were aware enough about why the parental controls were used. Do you feel you had a say in when/how it would be applied? Would you have liked that, or is it better that you didn't have that room?

From what I've seen, a lot of people that have been harmed by modern technology have had little support outside of the technology itself, such as parents, but also in-person friends or systematic support systems. As an overall society, we need to give access to support outside of immediate emergencies if we truly want to reduce harm that technology can do.

That's what I meant with my example: I didn't have that safety net IRL to appropriately deal with an internet situation, so I kept quiet. Part of creating this support system is destigmatising online victimhood, because a lot of people tend to lay the blame on the victim rather than being rightfully mad at the person that broke someone's trust.

[Slix]

Thanks for the replies so far! What I seem to catch so far is that parental controls are appropriate for younger kids, less for older kids, and that educating kids on internet safety is a necessity. I think some discussion can be had on what the cut-off age is for giving kids more freedom - ages between 13 and 16 are mentioned here. What I always wonder is, how can you be sure that you have taught the kid everything it needs to know?

From your example it seems you were aware enough about why the parental controls were used. Do you feel you had a say in when/how it would be applied? Would you have liked that, or is it better that you didn't have that room?

I think ages 13-16 (even to 18) having some parental controls is probably still good, such as to avoid adult websites or known harmful things, but I also understand that a lot of that will be circumvented if the kid wants to do those things badly enough. That's where safety knowledge comes in, to at least make them aware of the choices they make having possible consequences.

I definitely disliked the "control" that my dad put on my computer when I became an older teen, but that was mainly just because he wanted to not have me on the computer 24/7 as a high schooler, and wanted to make sure I got enough sleep. :P I was aware of the reasons it was in place, and I understood that he was just looking out for me, but I just wanted more time to do stuff on the computer after school. :P

[Capybara]

• How old are you?

32

• Have you used parental controls (as a parent) or have they been used on you (as a minor)? What were your experiences?

I had parental controls imposed on me when I was 13 to 15ish, and I don't consider it to be a helpful or good thing. It made me paranoid, it made me sneakier, and it didn't even "protect" me. This was in the 2000s (obviously) but it was just treating the symptom and not the root of the problem. When it comes to looking at inappropriate content or potentially talking to the wrong people online, I think education and a real life support circle works better than privacy invading behavior that makes children distrust their family. If anything predators are drawn to teenagers and children with a troubled home life to pose as "the safe one you can talk to" and whatnot, it's a known grooming tactic. Being scolded and tracked for clicking on an inappropriate link or having my IM history monitored did not protect me from predators, it just left me to lurk and stay inside my head, not talking to anyone at all. I only had one friend in real life back then and that was only at school. So it just isolated me more as a teenager.

• Do you agree with the thesis that modern technology and the online world are fundamentally harmful to children? Why (not)?

Yes. It's evolved even more since 20 years ago.

• Do you see parental controls as a useful tool to safeguard kids and teens online? In what ways?
• What are alternative ways to reduce the harm modern technology inflicts on people?

No, I already explained in my previous answer.

• Can we ever regulate big tech?

I wish, but I doubt it. It makes too much money.

[eezstreet]

I haven't seen anyone who is a parent chime in on this subject yet, so I figured I would go ahead and do so. For context, I have four children - ages between 3 and 15.

I'm about to turn 30 next month. As a youth I had only a modest amount of supervision on my internet activity and I was pretty much free to go where I wanted to go - that wasn't blocked by the SonicWall filter or whatever.

I think compared to a lot of parents, my wife and I have pretty restrictive rules when it comes to Internet activity - to a degree anyway. Our two younger children cannot read and only interact with the Internet by whatever media is available on their tablets during their chill-out time. The parental controls here are downright frustrating - for whatever reason, the kid profiles on Disney+ don't have access to any P/G rated movies, just TV shows. So to get around that we have a shared profile that is fully accessible and put on movies for them whenever they want to.

It's completely possible for the little kids to exit out of Finding Nemo or whatever and turn on Alien or another rated R movie, but the crazy thing is - they don't. They're remarkably self-regulating when it's explained to them that "we shouldn't watch things that are too scary or made for grown-ups because they might give us nightmares or have things in them that are not appropriate for us." It's the same thing with healthy eating - when it's explained to them that they need to eat healthy so their bodies grow up strong, they generally do it. Except for the 3 year old, who's autistic and has sensory issues and sometimes can't eat anything other than ice cubes for dinner.

Do they have moments where they really want to watch something that's not OK with us? Yes. This has been a problem with Ryan's World and other hyper-capitalist programs that are designed to push toys onto kids to purchase. But after a few fits about it, they seem to understand and don't seem as interested in it.

This also extends beyond TV too. Our youngest has to do her self-care routine every night, otherwise she can't sleep. This routine involving things like taking vitamins, brushing teeth, putting on pajamas, etc.

Our older kids however, have a lot of difficulties self-regulating.

We took in the two older kids and eventually adopted them some years back from a friend who was incapable of taking care of herself, due to various issues (drugs notwithstanding). Almost immediately as soon as they entered our house, they endlessly ate everything in sight. There were times where they would sneak chocolate chips (for baking) out of the pantry and eat the whole bag. And for our oldest, she will avoid eating if there is not something which she wants to eat - and if there is, she's going to gorge on it. There's been other issues, such as sneaking alcohol. We lock up our alcohol nightly to make sure that this isn't an issue.

This inability to self-regulate also extends to things like video games and internet usage. If there's a video game with a FOMO mechanic (such as Fortnite's Item Shop), they will absolutely obsess over it and ask for V-bucks all the time. This is also coupled with issues using devices appropriately. Some examples: using school computers to look up pornography, recording fights with cell phones (and soliciting friends for fight videos to watch), spamming friends incessantly through text messages, posing as an adult online for sexual roleplay, and just general mischief.

Because of this, they don't have screens period outside of Kindles for reading. They occasionally have phones, but I feel like with the amount of trouble that they regularly get into, they get taken away so very frequently that they might as well not even have them.

I want to be clear though, because I feel like I've been dogging them a lot in this thread though, that I love them and I recognize that a lot of their issues may be due to the home life that they had before they lived with us. I also suspect that some of this is genetic; a propensity for addiction is probably genetic. Sometimes I think that our restrictive attitude towards internet usage is not doing them any favors, but ultimately it's for their own protection towards bad behavior.

To summarize though, I think when it comes to parental controls and restrictions on internet usage: it depends on the kid.

What I find tough about parental controls is that it's like fighting symptoms. It gives off the illusion of control in a situation that is fundamentally uncontrollable. Most parents don't know what their children are doing online; even as they exist in the same ecosystems the social rules can be very different. Parents can follow as many guidelines on media-conscious parenting as they want, there will always be situations where kids and teens have unrestricted, unmonitored access to the internet. Are we supposed to restrict everything that could be a potential risk to one's wellbeing?

Parental controls, identity enforcement and such are a little like trying to stop a raging forest fire by dropping a single fire blanket in the middle of it.

The fundamental problem with social media and the kids' oversight stuff is that, well, there's literally no way anyone could ever moderate any of the platforms we have by hand. YouTube gets 500 hours of video uploaded every minute. There's too many people, in too few platforms, and all the platforms are driven for maximum engagement because profit. The result is massive platforms consisting of hundreds of millions of users being fed, let's face it, total garbage because some graph somewhere shows that this particular system of delivering trash to recipient raises the profit margin by 0.03%, while frying 50 million brains. If YouTube had a userbase of 249 users, instead of 2.49 billion, the idiot flooding the site with awful videos would be found and permabanned in moments flat.

As such, parental controls can at best offer a feeling of safety to parents who don't want to actually oversee what their kids are doing. It's not a guarantee that there won't be any kid-unfriendly stuff shown by accident, or because the companies think it's beneficial for them, or because bad actors are exploiting the kids' "walled garden".

These two quotes are 100% why I think parental controls are borderline useless. Surveillance programs such as Bark offer some kind of peace of mind, but I can't shake the thought that there's stuff falling through the cracks. And it's often up to the parents to make sure that nothing is going on to circumvent the system. And it's not going to catch the corner cases, such as with school computers. Among other issues.

I don't think people should be gated from the internet until they reach adulthood. The internet was instrumental for me in discovering my love for music, video games and creating both. The issue is, to me, that the kinds of places where art, creativity and humanity are valued have been offset by some sort of robotic production line of the worst things in our world.

I think a more practical (?) response to this is that people shouldn't be gated from the Internet because the Internet is so fundamental to adult life. If we think about all of the different ways that we use the Internet for practical purposes - finding a babysitter, applying for a job, looking up reviews for a restaurant - it becomes obvious that we should have our children be prepared for doing this when they are also adults.

I'm realizing wholeheartedly that this is a bit hypocritical with my parenting approach with the older kids, but I think it's going to have to be something that's done in a very restrained fashion with them at an older age.

[candycanearter07]

How old are you?
18

Have you used parental controls (as a parent) or have they been used on you (as a minor)? What were your experiences?
Basically no

Do you agree with the thesis that modern technology and the online world are fundamentally harmful to children? Why (not)?
No, while there's bad stuff, most every business and social experience is online nowadays

Do you see parental controls as a useful tool to safeguard kids and teens online? In what ways?
Limiting time on the computer?

What are alternative ways to reduce the harm modern technology inflicts on people?
Encouraging more local-area networks

Can we ever regulate big tech?
Probably not


I'm probably far from the best person to talk about this, since my parents were always super lenient about this stuff. Basically the only time I was outright barred from stuff was when I got in a lot of trouble at school for saying the f word, so I was banned from youtube. They didn't even outright ban the site, and I was a bored kid, so I ended up watching like nothing but Microsoft and Xbox ads for a year or so until I got back into watching minecraft tubers.

Anyways, I always thought that instead of blocking the internet, we should try to make it easier to connect with people in the area. Stuff like regular meetups, official chatrooms/forums, etc. Most school children already have a google account tied to their district, so it wouldn't even be too hard to make it exclusive to a certain district!

[Oceansandy02]

I never used parental controls or parental controls used on me that covered the entire internet, but I find okay when it is not forced on you. For example, AO3 has an optional filter that can filter out works of certain ratings.

However, I hate it when parental controls is forced on me or others. I am not sure if this counts, but the school I go to blocks certain media like social media. They even blocked harmless websites like tamanotchi and goatlings. I guess they want use to focus of school, but it would be nice if I had more freedom on what I can use during school hours. At least it doesn't apply to my phone.

[candycanearter07]

So, it turns out that Australia is planning on outright banning kids off the internet?
https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c4gzd62g1r3o

In my opinion, that's not the best move, but it would definitely lower the impact..